Nana (for Eric)

I sought to tell her of my love.
My actions spoke for me.
I know by stars that shine above
that love not spoken can be.
In shaken heart, I seek the peace
I held yesterday within my grasp
and carried with me questioning release
until this day came to pass.
No rage rebutted the snuffing of the flame.
She curled into an endless sleep.
She took with her my mother’s name
and those secrets of life she will keep.
Vibrant in life and gentle in death,
she dances behind mine eyes.
For someone who lived Love’s entire breadth
never truly dies.
Few in words in life, numerous now,
I contemplate the why and how.
In life my actions spoke for me.
In death, she carries my heart freely
to a place I can not go…
to a place we all shall know…
I hope she brought all my love and care
to welcome me when I return to her there.




Nana came into my world in February of 1996; I remember because it was after the Christmas when I returned to my family's home after our long fall out and Eric had off of classes at the University and wanted to teach me how to ski. Eric was going to teach me to ski at Waterville Valley, NH. Nana lived in Hillsborough, NH. We liked each other instanly. She had the warmth of a grandmother and the kindred sparkle in her eye of a friend I never knew. I loved her after only a few days of knowing her because of her unique, ever-happy disposition, and the fact that she already loved me. She was thrilled to add me to the collective of grandchildren and great granchildren she boasted of in numbers; I was equally thrilled because she made it an honor. After that, I looked forward to seeing her every winter. Secretly, she was my favorite part of our ski trips, even though she was no where near the slopes. I knew a trip to Waterville Valley was a trip to Nana. I wished she lived near us so I could see her more. She bewitched me with her innocent manner and matter-of-fact simplicity of existence. She made me feel safe. Three years later in August of 1999, I had the opportunity to influence her move to Doylestown, PA to live with us for a spell. She has a nice apartment. Made lots of friends. Everyone loved her, especially the men. She always made it a point to tell me how wonderful the place was, the people were, and how wonderful Eric and I were. She wanted to always show me beauty and happiness. Not once did she complain about anything. Nana liked beautiful things; she said that is why she liked me. When I think about it, she did. She always noticed the magical in everyday. She would sit at the large windows and look out at the trees and world outside admiring everything, instead of longing to be in it. Slowly, Life took everything away from Nana. In a matter of a year, she lost her independence, her apartment, her beloved furniture, her big window views, her physical ability to walk which she was so proud of for having at her age... She fell and broke her hip twice, landing her in a wheel chair and a shared room in the first floor nursing facility. She never complained. Still, all she would show me was love, beauty, and ultimately the quintessence grace. Nana died on Wednesday, February 4th, 2006 at 93 years old. She had been holding that tiger of life until she just let go and trustingly ventured into a darkness she always used to fear. Nana came into my world in February and she left my world in February, but she will never be out of my life.

I love you, Nana!