Tired

All three Fate's, I've gone and fired...
The Bitches leave me no rest and tired!
Weaving their web called Destiny,
I wish they would just set my ass free!
Golden Scissors come to my aid
and snip the line of this life I've made;
Can't I just start a new thread?
Can't I just pretend I am dead?
Reborn my soul on a new path
that is vacant of my history's wrath.
I know one reaps what they sow,
but my crops are many... too many to know!
Can't I just have some damn corn!?
It's easy enough... Just let me be reborn!
Can't I have just a taste of simplicity
instead of this fatigue and duplicity?
RING, RING, RING!!!! My Life's beckon...
Jump THIS high and SING!!! I reckon
they want me to prove my subserviant plight
and "Yes' um and No' sa, instead of fight...
But, they know they hold the power
until the time of my releasing hour!!!


It is hard to remember who you are when you have been so many different people. Life… for some is just another four-lettered-word. To other people, it is an obstacle to overcome or even a wonder that inspires awe daily. To me, the ambiguous gift of Life is epitomized in the fact that we, as humans, use Life to define ourselves; in turn, we use ourselves to define Life. I feel there is an interesting correlation there that needs examining because that is where our ability to shape-shift truly is. I suppose its true that I have been a multitude of people because my life has been a multitude of varying conditions. Therefore, Life has been a bitch at times, a major trial, a splendid wonder, but ultimately, a lesson in myself.
Sometimes, shape-shifting can really hurt. Other times, I can’t seem to will the changes I need to make because of the pain; I have also been pretty comfortable and rather attached to some of my forms. I have shape-shifted in almost every situation. I have done it without thinking even. I have shape-shifted in anger, happiness, sadness, jealousy, spite, lust… and even in numbness. I always look forward to the times I just involuntarily shape-shift into something pleasant. It feels wonderful!
Time is also rather relative to the art of shape-shifting. Shape-shifting is natural to children. The boundaries between the imagination and reality are not clear, becoming a dragon is no big deal. I always found that imitation of real-life things were more difficult because of the multitude of examples for any one thing I chose; whether I chose to be a tree, dog, or bird, I had to make my mind up to be a weeping willow, oak, or conifer, a poodle, a mastiff, or a mutt, an eagle, a canary, or a hummingbird. That is another reason why I enjoy the imaginary.
Lately, I have been imagining myself as a real person… a person without negativity dwelling within my heart and mind. I am trying my hardest to shape-shift into a healthy human being that has no need for drama, self-loathing, hate, or spite. I want to finally be free of the demons that torture me and the questions that burn within that cause me to long for numbness or beat answers out of nothing. I want to be a “me” that I have never been before; I want to be peaceful, wise, reliable, predictable, and someone who is trusted and able for others to be proud of. The Grind is a hard one. I haven’t the ability to test who I am. I am locked in a life that is controlled and ruled by exterior forces. I know what I feel and I think I may be shifting into that person, but I will not know for sure until the Sun sets on my form without a governing body laying its bureaucratic touch or watchful eye upon my life. I AM WILLING MYSELF TO TRANSIST, TRANSFORM, and TRANSFIGURE!!! I just hope my heart, mind, and body can follow this path that my emotions plots. Only time will tell… For now, I watch the clock and breathe rhythmically to the beat of someone else’s drum to my day of freedom with high hopes and spirits that I am trying to keep flying high as if they are a kite in the rain. I am just tired of running and running… CAN’T MY SHIT JUST GET CAUGHT IN A FUCKIN’ TREE, SO I CAN REST!!!!