Taking off the mask...

Well, Halloween is over and everyone must revert back to the normal existence of being who they are; for some of us that is a good thing, for others it isn't that fun, and for me it is a very odd experience. All in all, I have an incredible memory. However, I can not seem to remember too much about myself when I compare it to the banks of memories I have about my sister, my parents, or any other member of my family that I was around often.
Novemeber is six months after my birthday, or the retro equinox of my being, which means it is my greatest time of reflection. (Yes, Roo, yours is in September... funny isn't it!? Been thinkin' about your life alot lately???LOL ) I am now confronted with my memories and feelings towards myself. Don't get me wrong, it is NOT a bad thing! My recollection of myself is very fragmented, making me wonder more about myself. My childhood was not a smooth one. My mother just visited and I mentioned what I wnted to do and she seemed upset by the notion a little; that made me feel a bit funny. All I said was that I was thinking of contacting Dr. Ernest Fruge' and Christine Adams, my child psychologists in Houston, TX. I want my childhood records and any other records that I may be mentioned in; being in the field of Psychology, it is no large task for me to do so. But, the reactiojn of my mother was uncanny, to say the least. She asked me why I would want to do that. I told her, "Well, given my education I think it would give me alot of insight into myself." My mother, being the wonderful lay she is, volunteered some information. She said that I always felt threatened as a child, that I did not trust anyone including her. She said that I drew pictures of my family with everyone standing next to eachother and me over to the right in the form of a dog with a human head. I was absolutely floored by that! In my past, I have described my rolein the family as that of a dog, or a beast of burden, or even a neglected showdog... everyone's favorite when I was in the limelight of a social event, yet completely left in the kennel when not. I listened to her tell me things about myself that I guess I already knew deep down inside, but never engaged. As a psychology student approaching grad school, I can see a little more than the lay person. So, this tidbit of information made me more determined to find more pieces of my undisclosed biography. I ended up finding Dr. Ernest Fruge' with no problem what-so-ever. He even vaguely remembered me. It was interesting to see the workings of two psychology-oriented people speak; it was a fluent and meaningful conversation. I was analyzing him while he was analyzing me! It was neat! He asked me how I was doing and was surprised to see how well I am... I was like HUH??? He said that HE actually would worry about me and it used to make him question his professional detachment ability. He was deeply affected by my "talented and expressive way of conveying my emotions and thoughts". He admitted that he was almost sure that I would end up killing myself or someone else if I didn't find some outlet or peace in my life. I thought that was rather brazen of him to admit, but he isn't practicing privately anymore. He now works for Baylor School of Medicine in Houston, TX. He helps people deal with cancer-related tragedies and helping families cope with diagnosises.
He seemed very impressed with my aspirations and recognized the accomplishments that I achieved. It felt good to see that someone who actually understood psychology-based academics lingo. Long story- short, he is going to find my information and mail it to me pronto! I was exhilirated!!! He also told me that if I contact Chrisine Adams, his wife, that I can get any historical documentation where I am mentioned; I knew that I had rights to my personal records, but I didn't know that Texas law allows me to see any records where I am directly referred to... I was flabbergasted at his efficiency and willingness to help me. So, now I will not only get my own records, but any records that may deal with me as a child. What that equates to is: I will get to see a psychologists view of me and my situation at the time, with the bonus of being able to review insights from my parents' perspectives and personal views of me and themselves. Being a psychology major, I can read these documents with ease and interpret them much like my sister can with medical lingo. So, I am excited!!! I really hope that this information allows me the opportunity to fill in some of the emotional blanks that I have in my memory and in my life. After all, knowing one's self is knowing everything you really need to know!