My helping hand is givin' her the finger!!!!!

My dear ex-girlfriend and good friend, Melisa (with one "s") has decided to take online courses. She is a freshman in the virtual college known as Kaplan University. I will hold my tongue about that... anyway, she is a business major and is taking a cotton candy course called "Academic Strategies for the Business Professional" (LMFAO).... She must research and write papers about her study skills and how they are going to imptrove her in business world and such. Me, being a collge grad from a bonafide school offered to help her write a paper in the APA format that schools are so bent on forcing students to learn. I whip out a paper in less than 3 hours all ready to be sent to her teacher and e-mail it back to her... grades will come back on Friday.
Friday arrives, and I get a phone call from Melisa all broken up about her grade. She received a 95% on her paper and it is all my fault. I ask her why. She tells me it is because I didn't cite anything. DUH!!!! I didn't know I had to!!! But, I figure she is a whiny brat, so I just let her use me as a deflector for the guilt she aparently is not willing to accept... besides, a 95% is a solid A and not that bad of a grade. I figure that everyone is satisfied and she won't ask me to write another paper at least. I was wrong...
A day later, I get a call from Melisa. Oh, she is just so swamped and don't know what to do. Can I help her? She forgot this.... she forgot that.... these papers (plural) are due tomorrow by midnight. She had her brother's birthday to attend, her son to raise, her house cleaning job to do, and typical errands.... oh, she is gonna fail if I don't help her again... I figure what the fuck, I'll be her night in shining asscheeks. I completely write one and send it off and more than start the second, which I ended up finishing outta my compulsion to never leave a document half written. I send it off too.
Sunday rolls around... Today! I have freedom from 12-3pm... Yay! I spent it watching a 94 year old eyeball me and repetitiously ask me, "Who are you again?". Poor Nana, I guess dying my hair black a few weeks ago threw her for a loop. Anyhow, I spend my three hours of freedom eating brunch with the geriatric population of Heritage Towers' retirement community. Though the food is bland and I stick out amongst the ocean of white and grey hair, I enjoy seeing Nana. God knows how much longer she will be with us and I just adore her. Besides, I like how she tells everyone I am her grandson and shows me off. The other bitties are really envious of her. I hear the say in loud voices, which is a whisper to them, "That's Sally's grandson... she sure thinks she is somethin'!" Its always a good time there.
I get home and relax. It is rainy and definitely a soup and sandwich day, so I begin making a french chicken soup and a funky variation of a frech toast, black forest ham, mountain sprouts, and swiss cheese sandwich melt that I call "Hills Alive With Musics". No sooner do me and my buddy, Eric, sit down to eat them... RING RING RING!
It is good ol' Melisa. I ignore it for the first three times. I bitch about it on the fourth. Finally, I answer it on the fifth time she interupts my cozy dinner calling my cell phone. I usually wont answer unless it is family, but I was annoyed by now... why couldn't she just leave a message?! Well, she had her day and is all about getting these papers done. I tell her that "I am busy right now, but I will call ya back in two hours and we can finish the paper". This girl actually tells me, "Nope. No good. I'm demanding now. Sorry, but I gotta help move my boyfriend into the apartment in two hours..." I was taken back... Obviously, I have been a bit too good to my old flame and good friend for her to treat me so inconsiderately. Now, I am pissed. So, I tell her okay. I will stop eating right now and finish the paper and send it off to her for her approval." I was being sarcastic, but she is like, "Great. Thanks alot. I'll start looking for it in 25 minutes... is that long enough to write it?" (OH YEAH IT IS!!!!!!) "Sure", I say.
The paper is about change and how people resist it and the effects it has on productivity. So, I simply made a few alterations. I Wrote a brilliant synopsis on how people resist change because they get comfortable in their present state and are threatened by the concept of undergoing future training to better prepare them for success. I sent it to her. It only took five minutes to write. So, Eric didn't really feel abandoned, but I could tell he was a little annoyed. He could also tell that I was a bit pissy so he backed off. But, it was a brilliant paper I wrote.
Five minutes late, my phone rings again. Eric looks up at me irritated and says, "Tell that girl you are busy eating dinner for Christ Sake!!! It is bad enough that you simply said you would help her write her own paper and ended up writing one entire one and now you have written what, three entire papers???" I just smiled at him. He is a professor and doesn't look approvingly upon that type of academic "help". He asked me why I was smiling when I should be really pissed at my inconsiderate and lazy friend. I told him. "Well, you know what the paper is about, right?" He nodded. "Well, in her paper, I used her as the prime example of how people resist change by getting comfortable letting others tow their line and how they get jipped out of
learning anything by having others do their exercises. She is just calling back because the reality that I am not writing for her anymore sank in."
We enjoyed the rest of dinner and watched two movies without and further phone calls from Melisa.