Virtual Madness Unleashed

I fell into the Sea

2010-01-16T18:09:00.000-08:00

Pools of blue shimmering ice
chill me till I'm sore.
Fiery touch, so warm and nice,
burn me to my core.
Soft petals of a masculine rose,
lips so soft and wet,
embrace and trace my own
and makes me completely forget...
What was I saying?
Who am I?
My heart keeps playing
the same fast lullaby.
Within, without me,
I fell so unfathomably whole.
Near me, hear me...
this jubilation inside my soul!
Love is grand and life is better
than I ever knew it could be.
The ocean's sand, soft and wetter
collapses beneath me.
Another wave sends me reeling
in this swoon that I am feeling,
until I lay on the beach so prone...
tired, hot, and never alone.
You are the Sun!
You are the Sky!
You are EVERYTHING
that shines in my eye
of a deeper and richer blue...
within is the reflection of solely YOU!

Update...

2010-01-16T17:57:00.001-08:00

Hey BlogReaders! Today is the first day that I have written in a VERY long time; I have much interesting news to detail.
I have just returned from an.... ummmm... INTERESTING... trip from Colorado with my housemate. We both had altitude sickness very bad. I didn't suffer near as much as he. But, I wasn't spared the horrifying embarrassment when he started blowing chunks off the chairlift! I just pretended to be looking out at the gorgeous mountains, even though the echoing resoundment of my housemate'w gut-wrenching heaves were rather apparent... plus, the bile material showering the slope and skiers below. It was surreal! LOL!
Now, back at home, I feel rather good being 250ft above sea-level, as opposed to 12, 998 ft. above the majestic sea. My house if fine, my cats are fine, and my new flame is SOOOOO FUCKING FINE!!!! MAN, IS HE FINE! All I have to do is think of him and I tingle.... LOL!
I know, I know... I sound completely irrational and rathe pathetic in my infatuation and emotional overembellishment, but HE MOVES ME!!!! If you only knew HOW he moves me.... he he he! Well, that is all I am going to tell you bitches. The rest is left to the imagination, even though your imaginations WILL fall short in comparison to my reality. HINTL: My nickname is "Gumby" and his is "Pokey"... do the math and stew in your envy!!!!! LOL! Enough for now. I will post more later! Till then, stay tuned and enjoy! :)

Time of Change

2008-10-25T11:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I have alot going on... a dying "relationship", a job offer in a Southern state, a pending interview, and the possibility of relocation.... i guess, it is more of an INEVITABILITY! In one to two months, I will once again head south to Florida. I should have been a Canada Goose. You can hear me honking high above you on those dark, cold, autumn nights; it would be me saying, GOD DAMN!!! It's cold up here and that asshole at the front of the V is too damn slow!!!!!"

I have written a multitude of poems, but I dont feel much like posting them right now. I am not in the best of moods and the only reason why I truly am on here now is to waste time and bide it until it is safe to go downstairs without me killing someone or maiming myself in the process. UGH! I must concentrate on the future and bring it into reality. But, I have my concerns... they aren't really fears per say, but the erode my consciouness in strange ways.

Will I ever get out of this situation that I call my "Unlocked Cage"? Do I REALLY want to? Am I just bored and unstimulated in an "old shoe" relationship- comfy, but OH SO DAMN PREDICTABLE!!!? Am I unsatisfiable? Soooooooo many questions.... Will I be able to stand on my own and claim the life I so want and envisualize for myself? Will I ever be as happy as I want to be? Will my ever-increasing mood swings and Jacob's Ladder paradigm switches settle into one even playing feild that satisfies me completely? Will people, especially family, stop taxing me so? Will I stop letting them? Am I making a mistake? The funny thing is that I get the feeling I am going to resent myself or someone else no matter what I do, achieve, or fail at... What does that mean? I think I am so used to never having to take responsibility for myself that it has become second nature and that line between me and my not-so-significant other has faded into a sort of meshment... But, that is Life... and I have a tendency to over think things. God, are you there?

All I DO know is that there are few people I can trust with my heart... that is becoming more and more clear to me. Maybe I should have left it frozen in the tundra of opportunism... Then again, it just seems everyone is out for themselves. No one seems REAL to anyone else. People take advantage of eachother... people hurt... people get over it and do it again... I don't want to be that. I have never felt incomplete without someone in my life; the irony is that I feel incomplete WITH someone in my life. I feel like an extension of someone else's life. I am a lap dog that gets fed VERY well, but never petted. The odd thing is that I choose to be this lap dog. Deep within me is a bloodhound that can and always have had a knack for sniffing out opportunities... I think my decision to get up off the floor, leave the feet of my icy master, and run amuck with my nose in the air IS A GREAT IDEA!!! -even if it is just for exercise... though, I am not sure if the door will be open for me to return. Oh, the trappings of decisions. My propensity to stress is amazing... If I caould bottle it, I KNOW I could make millions with our Department of Defense... talk about a major chemical weapon! But, I digress... I have my anchors... I love them too. My beautiful, talented, and soulful sister is my main anchor. She is my rock and my bestfriend. I hurt when I think about leaving her proximity. But, at least I will be somewhere she frequently goes and can easily make room for her when she visits... that way she doesn't have to spend all her time with more distant family and their dramas. My other anchor is EVERYWHERE... I call it WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeed!!!! LOL! Just kidding... God. Faith. Acceptance of Fate.... weed too! I ascribe all of those to spiritual direction. However, I am a powerful person and I am my worse enemy... I must remember that at all times. I usually get what I want because I don't stop until I get it... I just have to surround myself with the right people and focus on what is truly meaningful to me, never letting my self-esteem fluctuate; I sometimes do things below myself when I feel below myself. THAT is my biggest fear. I don't want to be the middle age loser that is constantly relying on others to bail me out. I think I have done ok... but, my safety nets have always been in place. If I choose to fly solo, there is nothing beneath me except the cold hard ground. Well, here's to flappin'!!!!!!! Zugenrue will win this battle in my heart, I know it and accept it. So, a Souther flight is inevitable. When is the question.

I AM BACK!!!!

2008-10-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Hello, to all of you that have been reading my writing... I am back for a spell. I have had a very busy year or two. Currently, I am back in Bucks County and ready to embark on yet another adventure... wanna go with me? I will be going to Tampa, FL for a job... that is, if I get it! AND I WILL!

Worms!!!

2006-04-01T22:03:00.000-08:00

The demonstration began. Everyone huddled close to the podium. A man entered and told the congregating listeners that he had a demonstration that would "change your lives and the way you think about sin!!!" As the crowd anticipated the revelation that would so improve upon their lives, the man on stage produced three glass jars. He pulled a box out of his breast coat pocket just as everyone was wondering what the jars were for. The man cleared his thoat.
"Ummmm hmmmm... Here I have three jars," he yelled, "in each of them, I shall place a live worm."
As the man cried to the crowd, he removed a worm the box and placed it in one of the jars. He pointed at the crowd, looked impetuously upon the people, and pointed to the jars with his eyes following his out stretched index finger. Almost accusingly, the man pointed at the three jars in which each held a live wriggling worm. He plead to the crowd once again.
"Inside each of these jars is a life- a sacred life!!! These lives are sin free and healthy. Now, let us fill each of these jars up with sin and see what happens, my brothers and sisters. What shall we fill them up with... "
The man repeated the question and began to take hands for suggestions on which sins to put in the jar. The first man, a toothless man in a straw hat yelled, "The demon, alcohol!!!" The second person chosen was a lady with huge lens glasses and a deep hoarse voice; she bellowed, "Smoking!!!" The third and final sin was chocolate syrup; a cute little boy in the front row screamed it over and over until the man on stage gave in. With the three sins chosen, the man nodded and raised his hands to the crowd.
"Let's just see what happens to Life is we fill its world with sin. Let's put some whiskey, cigarette smoke, and chocolate syrup in the jars with the worms and see what happens to them. Let's meet back in fifteen minutes", the man looked at his watch as he fumbled with the lid on the first jar.
After fifteen minutes, the congregation had reformed in its group and were noisily chatting amongst themselves when the man appeared back at the podium.
"Now, brothers and sister, let us see what sin has done to these lives. Let's see if the worms are alive after fifteen minutes of sin", he lamented as he dunscrewed the lids of the jars.
The worm in the first jar emerged limp, smelling of whiskey, and clearly dead. The second jar yeilded a discolored worm that appeared dehydrated. Out of the third jar came a dead worm messy with chocolate and a bit plumper than it was when it was first put in the jar. The man looked at the people's faces and saw the message registering. He praised the Lord and opened his hands to crowd asking,
"What have we learned today about sin, my brothers and sisters??? Anyone???, he asked as he gazed at each face in the congregation. Finally, from the very back of the crowd came a crotchety voice. "I'll tell ya, mister!!!".
The crowd cleared as they looked back at who had spoken up. It was a little old lady with grey hair and huge "virtual reality" sunglasses. She stoop there in pause with her finger pointing up as if she had the knowledge of the universe. Finally, she spoke loud and clear so that everyone could hear her. She said,
"This lesson taught us that sin is sin no matter what, but whiskey, smoking, and chocolate will get rid of worms!!!"

Time keeps slipping... into the future???

2006-03-25T10:10:00.000-08:00

Well, I am back and in full swing of getting my life together. So far, EVERY grad school I have applied to has REJECTED ME!!! But, that isn't going to stop me from truckin' along. I have a fall back plan that has evolved into my primary plan by default. I am applying for a position as an IOM (Intraoperative Monitor). This job requires me to monitor the homeostatic waves of people that are being operated on. There are numerous types of this procedure and I am hoping that I get into one of them... specifically, a company named SENTIENT. My beloved sister, ECHELE, put in a good word for me to her friend and I applied. I sent my resume and college transcript in, but have not heard a YAY or NAY as of yet. I really hope, pray, will, and invoke via voodoo magic that this job pans out for me. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO REVIEW A RESUME!!!? The anticipation is KILLING me softly with EVERY mutha fuckas song!!!!! LOL! Yes, I am weird, but I am also original! So, I am a month into my parole. My spirits are high. I am awaiting the word to begin working my ass off to remedy the slings and arrows of a past that almost killed me. I don't think I have EVER been so positively charged!!! The key word here is POSITIVELY... Lord knows, I am charged by my nature and usually am a bit chaotic... but, not as of lately. I have been minding my own life and putting so much effort into it that I am beginning to look at my life as a work of art!!!! I just hope the canvas doesn't split down the middle because of the pressure I apply my colors thickly upon it with!!! So, HERE's TO LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS!!!!!!

I AM BACK!!!!

2006-03-17T09:49:00.000-08:00

Well, Bloggers.... I am back from my excursion into the wild. Being released back into the wild was an interesting event. I didn't realize how safe and sane I was during my house arrest; Ironically, I thought that the act of staying in my home for a whole year would fragment me only to find that it has solidified me more than I ever could have imagined. PEOPLE ARE FUCKED UP OUT THERE!!!!! I really mean it! I think everyone should go through this emotional and physical location deprivation that I have. It really clears things up... THere are people out there that might as well be buried. THere is no cheer in their lives, no spark, no dreams, no anythng but a repetition that the would rather forget... leaving them what??? Dreams???? If that. If I ever get to that degree of hopelessness and misplaced direction, SHOOT ME IN THE EAR WITH A FLARE GUN!!!!! It appears that EVERYWHERE I have gone, I see zombies.... Yes, they are definitely more appealing than those that we see on Dawn of the Dead, but not very much more alive. THey are imitations of life. How can someone fool themselves into thinking they are alive when they are so desensitized from what keeps them tingling and happy? I don't get it!!! If a routine, job, person, or existence is going to make me retire into a constant state of emotional or physical fatigue, if my life becomes something that I try daily to avoid, or if I bare down on others around me to escape the cries of my inner self.... here comes the swan dive in perfect form from my balcony!!!! TRIPLE AXEL SWAN DIVE WITH A TWIST!!!! Life is there to be lived. Not to be tortured by or to waste in such a haphazard form.... Suffer the little children because they are the ones who will learn how to live from a generation of zombies led by our modern media and pharmaceutical corporations.... drugged and placed in front of the television... programmed by programming.... seems all to familiar. What about nature? What about art? What about the GREAT OUTDOORS? What about activity? What about LOVE? What about family? What about GOD!!!? Geez, what about the poor ass dog?! If your DOG is depressed, there is something definitely wrong! Cats... they leave. If your cat leaves you or your dog is chronically depressed, seek help IMMEDIATELY!!!! WAKE UP WORLD!!!! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!!

Well, off I go to FL!!!!

2006-02-14T19:53:00.000-08:00

In the end of the day, one can see how far they have walked or ran if they just turn around. Usually people tend to think they are running in place until they happen to glance back. Today was my moment to do so. I have seen ways that I have learned new things about myself; for example, I think I am beginning to become a bit more patient. I think tha tI have the ability to let live and live, as backwards as it sounds... I don't really buy into the gossip that surrounds me anywhere near as much as usual. I also am becoming a bit more independent with my thoughts and actions. I think one way this is showing is that I actually ask for help like I need it instead of acting like I am so overwhelmed that my near 1 million IQ is burnt out... so, please help me! I think it is neat to ask people for their opinion and help. Today, I asked my sis to help me understand a few things about why people think the way they do.... PEOPLE ACTUALLY ARE HUMAN!? LMSAO!!!! You know what I am talking about , Roo! Well, I am ready to relax in the Sunshine State. I do, however, have a tendency to wonder what it would be like if my twin sistah was next to me on the plane! But, she is embarking a journey of her own. I am sure that hers will be just as rewarding, and probably alot more beneficial to her than mine. SO, GO ROOOOOO!!!!! I will call you when I get into FL!!!!!

Where's the 8 ball when I need it?!!!

2006-02-12T20:43:00.000-08:00

Well, tomorrow I foind out if I will be able to leave the County of Bucks, PA and venture to far away places; I hope that I get a really cool parole officer... Doesn't this make me sound like a congenial parolee. I hate wearing the label of "parolee", but what else can you do when it is literally tattooed on you in unseen societal ink. At least it is like henna and dissipates with time. Speaking of time, in the meantime, I guess I must get used to a watchful eye hovering about my life, taking notes and urine samples between my classes or work breaks. I feel like I might be embarking upon a futuristic dream, or should I say nightmare, of a sort. I will be monitored... how closely? I do not know. Will I be surveilled? Will I have random chemical tests? Will strange men in suits ask odd questions about me to my co-workers, teachers, and friends feigning a laughable amount of discretion? These are the questions I will find out tomorrow. How long is the leash I am being put on? Do I have any expection or hope for an early relinguishment of my parole? I sure do have my hopes, fears, and ideas... I suppose only the "man" will know.

I have other concerns too. I try talking to people about them, but it is hard to express myself someitmes. I haven't exactly been in the mainstream of social fluttering. I find myself awkwardly phrasing a feeling or fear that strikes me when I hear myself say it... They just come out the wrong way. For example, I mean to say that I feel apprehensive about the possibility of attending grad school in San Diego, CA- 3500 miles from my home, family, and everyone and thing I know... What comes out: "I'm scared..." What kind of wussified jargon is this? I have become even more "socially retarded"... just a splendid catch prase picked up from one of my former genius shrinks... CRETONS!!!! I doubt any person who can anticipate a person's feelings to the extent that they are literally reading someone's mind is "retarded". Shit, if those bastards could have read mine, they'd put up extra boundaries!!! Lord knows when you feel like you know someone through their minds, it can sometimes feel like you are buddy-buddy with them and invading that person's boundaries is inevitable. My "social retardation" is also known as EMPATHY, you fools.... Anyway, I just wanted to rant for a sec. I am refocusing... LOADING............

Ok, Life is at a crossroad... I have no real idea where I want to be, what I want to do, or how I am going to find the mechanism by which to decide these facts. In a sense, my whole foundation has been blasted and I have to rebuild from the ground up. The question is: WHERE DO I BUILD? Then, WHAT DO I BUILD? I guess I will just see what schools accept me and go with whatever lace offers me the sweetest deal. If California is in my future, then I guess I must have faith in FATE to send me and keep me safe. But, I do have a hard time letting go. Sometimes, I feel like I have been so overly dominated in my previous life, that even a helping hand can seem oppressive... I have learned that sometimes it is best just to let go and soak in the scenery. One can find a lesson or at lest a little peace that way. It is just so difficult to relax. I come from the mindset where you are either full throttle on and aggressively attacking a goal or you are floating in the limbo of relaxation and utter abandon. This is another epiphany I have had. I need to learn to enjouy myself in the present, doing whatever I am doing, while I put things away for a pleasant future. I need to keep things light, but serious. Maybe I should adapt a Californian mindset... Wouldn't it be surreal to live out in California for a year and then see my family after that year. I'd be all Buddha Zen and chill. Everyone would swear I was abusing Xanax or Valium... LOL! Then again, I like to feel relaxed like that. Maybe I will just channel some energy in that direction and hope to tweak some karma to move my Fate in the direction of the West Coast.

What about the East??? Well, I have a few ideas. I have Temple University that I am considering. If I am accepted there, I will go there. I will probably get an apartment in a nice area of Philly and work, live, and go to school in the City of Brotherly Love. On the weekends, I will return to my home in the country or visit the parents and my sweet sister in Jersey. Trains can take me almost everywhere. If NO schools accept me, then I guess I have the opportunity to really think about my life and do something I have always wanted to do, as long as it is in the constraints of my parole... we musn't forget that LAME fucking, nose picking little drag of a tag-along... its like a curly redheaded brat that you are stuck with for a day that pick boogers and eat them while telling you what is " not nice" and that they are gonna tell everytime you fart sideways... Did Imention I added a diving board to my balcony... gotta practive those swan dives!!!! Anyway, I am hoping that my sis can find out something about a job in the hospital from one of her friends. So far, it seems like she might be having second thoughts. I hope that isn't the case. She was all gung-ho about the idea when it was coming out of her mouth; I got excited about it! But, then its like reality set in and she realizes that I would be working with Kev and she'd be a block away... Would I say things to her friends about her and Kev? Would I embarrass her? Would I ruin her rep like I supposedly did in school by doing some thing fucked up? HELL NO!!! But, I CAN see where she would worry... She already had some curry-eating, Shiva worshipping, son-of-a-slurpy machine ASSHOLE tell her friend that I "was a weirdo"... I'd like to see anyone sit in a 5 x 7 room in the boiling basement of a hospital with an undershirt, cashmere sweater and a wool blazer on and try to understand this Hindi speaking snob that makes digs at you like you are a moron. Condenscending bitches!!!! I hate 'em!!! But, that is why it is great to have a blog. I can rant, RANT, RANT and no one cares.. So, these are the things that occupy my mind currently. The glow of FREEDOM is fading with the arising question: What do I want to do with this new obtained FREEDOM!!!? I'd like to enjoy myself and also enrich my life... possibly both at once! My mind is clear and my drive is in gear, all I ned is a direction to start heading in... For now, I guess I am supposed to run around in circles so I can eye up the different paths that I have before me; I can choose one once I have a better idea where they all lead, how much work will be required, and how long until I get to the end of each path... I think those are important factors to have when making a life changing commitment to a new way of life. So, "WOOP!!!! DER IT IS!!!!!!"

FREE!!!!

2006-02-11T17:57:00.000-08:00

YO MUDDA FUDDAS!!!! I BE FREE AT LAST!!!!!

Countdown as of 2/11/06 @ 2:00am

2006-02-10T22:58:00.000-08:00

Freedom is almost in my grasp!!!! Just SIX HOURS TO GO!!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!
Ironically, my first day of freedom is to be ushered in by the first great snow storm of the season... Will that stop me??? HA HA HA!!! YEA RIGHT!!! I am going OUT!!! Making snow angels, letting the white splendor of a new life fall upon me like millions of frozen kisses from those angels I am going to create the likenesses of!!! My entire form will have the halo of Life's exuberance and hope eminating from every pore! I am ready to commit my existence to a positive track or achievement...

and then I won't be able to get out of the driveway.
:)

Dawn of Hope

2006-02-10T22:18:00.000-08:00

Dark and silent mounds above the misty river's veil
starring at stars that fall in glittering vanishing trails.
The ebony cloak of a fleeting time,
the indigo sky, a spectral pantomime.
The roar of the river joins the calls of the trees
that whisper in secrets told upon the breeze.
The regal deer lift their heads from their drink,
deeper into their nests the sleepy birds sink,
nocturnal critters scamper on tiny chilled feet,
these are the metranomes of Life's eternal beat.
As the sky blushes in its pink and yellow haze,
over the mountains the sun peaks in morning's first rays.
The waters sparkle awakened by the light
and the heavens turn blue swallowing the night.
The bells in the birds throats begin to ring
waking the world with the songs that they sing.
The green grass is refreshed and bright with dew
and the world smells sweet, fresh, and new.
Yet, this moment seems frozen as time ticks away.
No longer is it night, yet to early to be day.
The new slate is clean and presented for display
for Life to write a new chapter in a never-ending play.
Promise is abundant, as Hope is a platform for dreams
that must be built upon as initiative deems.
Silent serenity in a natural world yeilding
to the hand of man for mankind's wielding.
May the day bring surprises to great for the guessing
and may it be received as the truest great blessing.

Free at Last

2006-02-10T21:58:00.000-08:00

The doors swing open
to a new era of me.
The cold breeze of hope in
a swealtering plea.
May this be the last
tragedy of this kind.
Sewn and bound in a time past,
I file this year away in my mind.
Sterile walls of a familiar cell
are adorned by new growth and direction.
Formulate a new future to fortell
in a refreshing predilection.
I've bided my time
by writing the ryhme
of a metamorphosis
conjured my me
in my time of need.
I need no sorceress.
There is magic in the Will
and power in Drive.
When all you have is time to kill,
guess who will survive.
Then again, maybe I died
and gave birth to a new idea of me
leaving my old husk aside
after I ripped through it to be free.
This is my declaration
of this new spell I cast
and the consecration
of being free... free at last!

Freedom

2006-02-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

Object of betrayal within my tightened fist
squirm and writhe, encircling my stony wrist.
Once I hold you, I shall never let go...
The ways in which I'll use you, only I may know.
Stretch you out and wrap myself within
this new shroud of politically labelled skin...
I wear you well and shall never overlook
this priviledge that I must have mistook
as a right, as a intricle part of ME...
This thing called FREEDOM..
Can be taken so permanently.
I always believed it was mine from birth,
but, now I know... it is not of this Earth.
One is not born with it... we are not free!
Freedom is a priviledge crafted by society.
This is the lesson I have come to know.
Beaten and tatooed by it.. by them.. by all... does it show?

Freedom Countdown as of 2/10/06

2006-02-10T10:41:00.000-08:00

Well, today is the last day of my old life; I am free in 10 hours, 17 minutes, and 15 seconds... Wooooooooo-mutha-fuckin-hoooooooooo! With my first taste of freedom, I am gonna go to Disney Land... SIKE! But, I will try to go to Florida for a week or three!!!!! FREE AT LAST!!!!

Freedom Countdown as of 2/8/06 @ 10:54pm

2006-02-08T18:51:00.000-08:00

As of right now, I have one day, twenty two hours, six minutes, and fourty-five seconds unil FREEDOM!!!!!

Two down, four to go!

2006-02-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

Well, unfortunately, I have heard back from yet ANOTHER school that has denied me access to their PhD program in neuropsychology; I can say that the prognosis is starting to worry me... The University of South Florida, one of the schools I was banking on, has "regretted" me as of 12 noon this cold February day. This leaves two schools in Cali (San Diego State University & University of California-Santa Barbara), one school in PA (Temple Univ.), and my mystery school... Hopefully, SOMEONE will accept me.
If acceptance to grad school is not in my cards, then I must come up with a back-up plan. Fortunately, if I am "regretted" by all, the back-up plan can be whatever I want it to be. Therefore, I guess my default endeavor will be to find work in a place where I do not need a car. So, I am thinking of getting a job in Philly, which is between my parent's home and my home; a quick train ride can take me to either place. I suppose I can even move to Florida and work too! I could use some Sun and Fun in the Sunshine State, plus ther eare many family members there that are highly supportive of me and most likely willing to take a refugee of sorts for a few weeks. So... Here's to the future!!!! I hope that a school sees me fit to join their program! But, I am willing to use the degrees that I already have to once again start putting together applications once more for grad school in psychology. Two down, four to go!

One down, Five to go!!!!

2006-02-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

Well, the University of California-San Diego wrote me via email and let me know that they did NOT grant me acceptance into their PhD program in Neurocognitive psychology. For some reason, I am oddly relieved. I do not feel sad in the least. Maybe it was always a fantasy or a distraction. Who knows... But, I still have two more California schools to go, one Philly school, one Florida school, and one secret school that I haven't told anyone about... Time will tell!

Renoir

2006-01-31T21:11:00.000-08:00

I lost one of my beloved pets today;
not one minute did he stay into this February day.
He slept comfortably in his owners lap
and slipped into Death as if it was a nap.
By the stroke of midnight, he had gone
and will be in his new place before the light of dawn.
He was benevolent and a tad bit sprite;
he would lay prone on his back in the morning sunlight.
He radiates love from large amber eyes
which never stopped even after he dies.
He was born within this house, into my own hand
and never left his home until Death's demand.
I will love my black and white cow-cat wherever he may be
and I am glad it was our hands of love that set him free.

I love you, Renoir! You were a good kitty and I will miss your sweet presence, especially in the morning while you wait at the door so patiently and routinely. I hope you had a great life! Your name sake was a French artist that died of starvation and exposure; I am glad that you died loved, plump, and at peace in your own home.

Rest in peace, sweet kitty!
Renoir
03/05/1998 at 5:55pm - 02/01/06 at 12:00am

Lynda

2006-01-26T12:37:00.000-08:00

Lynda is dancing on the ceiling,
she has been pushed too far.
Vaporized and historized...
She knows who her friends are.
Smiling down with her crown
of circling stars,
she's the spirit of the town
and life of the bars.
Cheers to another dead friend, you...
Cheers to another life ... missing.
She is the white, red, and, oh so, blue
that Death has been kissing.
So you talk the talk when you need to
wondering if anyone... missed you.
Just another light gone out?
I know you have your doubt.
You think you are reduced
to no more than a feeling
but, the whole world still isn't used
to the blow of this dealing.
The cards do not say
if you are here or away.
If your gone or here as a wraith
comes down to mere faith.
Lynda is laughing at the thought
of being away or even just not...
The dark of being left behind...
She's waiting on her sunshine.
God knows she has the flames
and heat that she wears.
She always had those burning embers
in every one of those copper hairs.
I got a long taxi ride to where you are
so for now I just look through the glass
watching the world fly by this car
hoping I don't run out of gas.
Lynda is smiling by my side
on my shoulder her head can rest.
On these days when the Sun's rays hide
I can feel you best.

Mrs. Jesus

2006-01-26T12:35:00.000-08:00

Life lines
and suicide crimes --
he found me in a state
grabbed her purse
and hitched a Ride
with a Mrs. Jesus
"how you been"
I've been cruisin'
a good invention
but in some ways
I don't think
it gets any easier
your walking on the water Bit
by far my favourite one,
But now it seems we're drowning
in a drop of water, Love
and even as I'm climbing up
the stairs I know there's
Heaven there and then
Empty arms that comes
with the Morning Star
well, made my bed
of cut roses
by understanding
that the cause
It just comes first
with my Mrs. Jesus
the Gospel changes meaning
If you follow John or Paul
and could you ever
Let it be
the Mary of it all
and even as I'm climbing up
the stairs I know there's
Heaven there and then
Empty arms that comes
with the Morning Star
well, Life Lines and suicide crimes
there's something every day
and there's someone always
paging my Mrs. Jesus
your walking on the water Bit
by far my favourite one,
But now it seems we're drowning
in a drop of water, Love
and even as I'm climbing up
the stairs I know there's
Heaven there and then
Empty arms that comes
with the Morning Star
so if you get the Jones
at the crossroad
the personals are great
If you're my way
let me love you Mrs. Jesus

& Hurricane

2006-01-26T12:28:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure who's fooling who here
as I'm watching your decay
We both know you could deflate
a 7 hurricane
Seems like you and your tribe
decided you'd rewrite the law
Segregate the mind
From Body and Soul
You give me yours
I'll give you mine
cause I can look your God
right in the eye
You give me yours
I'll give you mine
You used to look my God
right in the eye
I believe in defending
in what we once
stood for
It seems in vogue
to be a closet spiritual whore
a change of course in
Our direction
a dash of truth
spread thinly
Like a pan
On a popstar
On a Benzodiazapene
Oh Zion please
remove your glove
and dispel every trace
of His spoken word
That has lodged
In my vortex
I'm not sure who's fooling who here
as I"m watching your decay
We both know you could deflate
a 7 hurricane
You could have spared
her - oh but no
Messiahs need
people dying in their Name

New Jersey Haunted Spots

2006-01-26T11:14:00.000-08:00

My awesome Father sent me this detailed sighting map of where one can experience hauntings in NJ. I can not wait to explore some of New Jersey's haunted history! These places are all over the state. I KNEW there was something more to Jersey than the Jersey Devil!!!! Normally, this posting would go in my Halloween posting, but it ROCKS!!!! Enjoy it!

Atco - Multiplex - Strange noise can be heard in theater 12 as if someone is moving their hands across the wall and voice can be heard.

Allamuchy - Shades of Death - is the actual name of a road located in, New Jersey. It is said that if you drive down there late at night, and you enter into a patch of fog on the road, it will follow you and you will find footprints on your car...human footprints.

Allamuchy - Ghost Lake - Ghost Lake is located on Shades of Death Road in Allamuchy Township the local legends vary - but the prevailing theme is that there was an Indian Graveyard there and settlers built a man made lake over the graveyard. At night the Indians haunt the area - even we (locals) stay away. Plus there are MANY bear families there so be careful.

Alpine - Devil's Tower - It is said to be, that a long time ago, during the 1900's though, a man was building a "tower" tall enough so that his wife could see the New York Skyline. While it was being built, the wife went up to the top floor, as she came down, she saw her husband with another woman! She ran back up to the top, and jumped out. There is a myth, if you circle the tower, 8 times or something, something is supposed to happen. Nobody has been able to complete it.

Ancora - Veterans haven - Veterans haven is right next to bayside prison ward and Ancora mental institution. It was once a town the psychiatric hospital made for patients to all live together, many of the patients murdered each other, and the most of them are old veterans from the war. Eventually, so many killings took place they just shut the whole town down. It has a lot of paranormal activity and the streetlights are still left on through out the little deserted ghost town.

Atlantic City - Taj Mahal - it is said that man jumped from the tenth floor of the garage and haunts that area every night around midnightBay Head - The Greenville Hotel/Restaurant - Over the years many employees have experienced many things from ghosts physically appearing (looking very much like a live person) and walking down the hall and disappearing, to the sounds of children playing in the lobby late at night. One employee even reported falling asleep on the couch in the lobby and awaking to the sounds of kids playing in front of them. He saw glimpses of them as well. There are sounds of moving furniture in unoccupied rooms, sounds of people walking down the hall but "no one is there", the sense that someone is standing behind you, but "no one is there". Guests report hearing children run down the halls laughing in the middle of the night, but there are never any live children doing that. In fact it is rare that children stay there.

Bayonne - Bayonne High School - The now auditorium of the high school used to be the Jr high section. It's been said that a boy around 14 hung himself from the stairwell, also it's been said he was pushed and broke his neck but anyway. If you go there just before school season begins you will see a boy opening the doors to the auditorium with school books in his hands. Also on many nights that the high school has put on plays there is a boy in the back of the room just watching.

Bayonne - Elco Naval Base - This was a World War Two Factory active to make P.T. Boats after the war a lot of people lost the jobs. During the war a boat fell off a conveyer belt and crushed 2 men. And now the little girl is seen some times looking for her father and her father is still yell for her. Over and over. Never to be seen again but forever heard!

Bayonne - Robbins Reef Yacht Club - The gentleman who haunts this location was said to have hung himself in an unstairs bedroom. If you enter the room in the dark, a cold icy feeling passes over your skin. In addition, bottles have been seen "jumping" off the ledges in the back of the bar, not breaking, and if replaced on the ledge, will again leave the spot to land on the floor.

Bayville - Admiral Farragoes - There is said to be screams coming from the old building every night around 12:00 am.

Bergen County - Little Ferry - Old Protestant Church - The ghost of a man who was shot inside the church is seen peeking out the front doors late at night.

Bernardsville - Bernardsville Public Library - was The Parker home and has a strange history of sightings as well as a very mysterious historical past.

Bernardsville - Long Rd. - Devil's Tree - Turn onto Long Rd, (which is really short) then make a left at the end, you will come upon a highly wooded area and then it just opens up into a field. At the end of the field there is a huge hideous looking tree with a branch that extends perfectly parallel to the ground. It is said that the tree was used to hang slaves on and still has a chilling aura to it. You can see marks on the trunk from people attempting to chop it down, they say whoever tries, something bad happens to and sometimes a pickup truck will try to chase you out. In the Summer that tree is in full bloom and actually quite lovely. In the Winter or Fall however, it is creepy looking. The axe marks on the tree are from years of kids hearing the legend of the tree and what would happen if you tried to cut it down. Supposedly if you try to cut it down the devil in a black pick up truck will come and chase you away, once you drive down the road a bit the truck just vanishes. It's an Urban Legend that gets featured in Weird NJ magazine all the time. Please get permission before you visit this property, otherwise you are trespassing and could get arrested.

Blackwood - Jefferson Hall at Camden County College - This structure used to be a monastery before becoming a learning institution. It is said that a residing monk hanged himself on the third floor of this building. Security guards of the college have reported hearing footsteps thumping down the hall of the third floor. They often avoid interior patrol.

Boonton - Darress Theater - It was closed for many years and was finally bought and used for children's theater (like Snow White, etc.) and they also show movies there at night, too. The people that are there late at night say they hear voices, footsteps and the chair seats move. There have also been reports of singing coming from the theater when everyone has gone home for the night.

Boonton - The Grave Yard on Green Street - It is said that if you go to the grave yard at exactly 12:00 you will see a grave stone glow.

Bordentown - Missionary - Strange anomalies on film have been recorded.

Browns Mills - Redfeather Trail - Supposedly there is a man that walks Redfeather Trail every night that sings a song and when you look at him he disappears into the night.

Burlington - Burlington County Prison - cell 5 on the 3rd floor is haunted by Joseph Clough who spent his last days chained in this cell.

Burlington - Doane Academy - St. Mary’s Hall - This school was founded in 1837 as a boarding school. Over the years students and staff have reported seeing balls of light float along most of the hallways, footsteps following them from the 3rd floor of Scarborough Hall, doors on that floor opening and closing on their own, and the lights in that hallway turning on and off on their own. In the Chapel people have reported seeing and hearing little children signing and feeling a weight pressing on their chest whenever they enter. A bathroom close to the Chapel has faucets that will turn themselves on and off occasionally.

Byram Twp. - The Colby Mansion - This is an old boarded up house on Tamarack Road in Byram. The house was built for a wealthy railroad millionaire in the late 1800s.The man shot his wife and cut off her head and put it on the fireplace mantle. He was then killed and both of their bodies are buried in the estates' graveyard. Someone recently bought the property and built a new house somewhere on the land. The old mansion is still standing but the old guest cottage fell down many years ago. The property is heavily patrolled by police.

Cape May - Cape May County Historical Museum - the ghost of a man with a deep voice haunts this place.

Cape May - Christian Admiral Hotel - The Christian Admiral, which has been torn down and converted into B & B's, Witnesses report being chased by ghosts. Apparitions of a women in white have been seen.

Cape May - Higbee's Beach - At least 3 ghosts can be seen in the wildlife reserve and beach. Higbee appears whenever someone approaches his grave; he can be seen chasing the ghost of a slave down the wooded paths. A phantom sailor appears in his beige-colored "slops" atop a dune, and then disappears.

Cape May - Hotel Macomber - the mischievous ghost of an elderly woman is felt in Room 10. The elderly woman was frequent guest of the hotel and during her stays, she developed a close friendship to the previaus owner's child, which is why the activity is strongest when children are present in the room. TV's and lights turn on and off by themselves, objects have been moved around, and weird feelings and sounds have been experiences by people who have stayed in the room. A woman spirit occupies the kitchen area of the hotel. Legend has it that the ghost was a former kitchen employee of the hotel. She choked to death on food and is still felt in the hotel today, mainly in the walk-in storage room.

Cape May - Inn at 22 Jackson - friendly spirits named Minerva and Esmerelda watch over the guests here. The owners of the Inn claim that theses spirits are "haughty" and "prissy".

Cape May - John F. Craig House Bed & Breakfast - Rooms 4 & 5 are inhabited by two spirits. Room 4 (a.k.a. Susan Craig Room) is haunted by the ghost of an unidentified red-headed girl. Room 5 (a.k.a. Lucy Johnson Room) is haunted by a sewing gh0st named Lucy Johnson, who reportly replaces missing buttons on clothing of guests who stay in the room.

Cape May - The Sea Holly Inn - a young woman seems to make her presence known every so often and an elderly gentleman who climbed in bed with a Psychic!

Cape May - Spiaggi - (formerly known as Maureen's & New International Cuisine) - this Italian restaurant harbors the ghost of a baby girl, who the owners have named Gloria. It is believed that either murder was involved or the baby girl died while in her crib. Most of the haunting activity occurs in the cupola and upper floors of this restaurant. Customers & employees have felt her presence and have heard the rustling of furniture in the upper floors. An old black-and-white photography taken about 1900, located near the entrance in the downstairs lounge, shows the ghostly image of the baby girl Gloria. What is shocking about this picture is that the baby appears to be trapped in an old column! The picture was enlarged and examined by experts and the owners and have determined that there's no way a baby could stand in that position.

Cape May - The Southern Mansion - the ghost of a well-dressed woman wearing a strong-scenting perfume has been seen by many people. The ghost is believed to be Esther, the niece of Capt. George Allen who built the house in 1863. People have felt her presence, smelled her perfume, hear her laughing, and see her dancing throughout the house. The owner thinks that Esther is just a spirit who wants to party. On several occasions, many have heard the rustling of her petticoat drift down a hallway or into another room. There's one particular room in the house that psychics have claimed bring a lot of tension in the house. The owner believes that someone died in this room.

Cape May - The Windward House - The ghost of a young Irish girl is occupying the 3rd floor "wicker" room.

Cape May - Washington Inn - An elderly woman's voice is often heard here.

Cape May - Winterwood Gift Shoppe - 2 sisters haunt their former home as well as a white figure that roams the grounds near a grave on the grounds.

Cape May - World War II Bunker - The magazine at Cape May point once housed guns to protect the coast from Nazi subs. A ghostly crew haunts this bunker. Soldiers have also been seen on the beach surrounding the bunker.

Cedarville - Newport - in the woods - There is a tree out in the woods of Back Rd. that is an old KKK tree. If you go out there and examine the tree you will see rope burn on one of the branches from where they used to hang people. Footsteps can be heard and if your back there for long enough for a split second you will see a young man being hanged.

Cedarville / Fairton - the old stone church - many strange thing have been reported here such as ghostly faces on head stones, organ music hear coming from the church late in the morning hours with no electrical sources going to the building. by rs2

Chester - Main Street - A farmhouse dating back to the mid-1800s, now refurbished and occupied by ClinCon Research. Haunted by young girl in a white dress. A 19-century farmer living in the house often saw the girl staring at him, and sometimes crying, through a window. His dog refused to go in the room where the girl most often appeared. Finally he locked his dog in the room, and the dog chewed and clawed his way almost all the way through the door to get out. The farmer once confronted the girl in a hallway, but when she turned towards him, she had no face. Recent incidents include unexplained movement of furniture. Many old buildings along Main St., including the Public House Inn, are haunted.

Cinnaminson - Lakeview Memorial Cemetery - reports of children's ghost been seen and leaving footprints in the area that is all child graves. Ghostly anomalies have been observed at the tower also.

Cinnaminson - Maple Shade - S.Forklanding road near jug handle in - When crossing rt 73 from jug handle in late at night crossing the little medal bridge near winners farm a car follows you to the bridge then vanishes it only happens around 12 a clock on a cold night in the winter it happens both ways crossing the bridge.

Clinton - Red Mill - Built over 200 years ago, the Red Mill is now an historical museum. The mill is haunted by a young girl who was injured there. She is said to ring a large bell and play a typewriter. The historic mill is located on 56 Main Street, Clinton.

Columbus - The Columbus Inn - This is a very old restaurant in the center of a very small town. There have been numerous sightings throughout the years. They have even had paranormal investigators come in to investigate the series of sightings. A large piece was done on this restaurant on TV and in the newspapers several years ago. Inside the restaurant, one of the articles can be found behind the bar. One of the employees there even told us that there is a legend that the famous "Jersey Devil" was reported to have been born there.

Cranford - Gallows Hill Road - Located at the corner of Gallows Hill Road and Brookside Place was the huge tree from which spies were hung during the Revolution. The tree was cut down a few years ago, but the rusty iron and concrete post which the rope was tied to still stands. Movement around the area can be seen late at night, but only from a distance. Personal experience was what seemed to be tall bushes swaying in a nonexistent breeze. Closer inspection showed no bushes just a well manicured lawn and a really creepy feeling.

Delanco - Nelly's Pond - Back in the days of the Revolutionary War, it is said that a messenger on horseback drowned in a small pond. His horse's name was Nelly, thus the name Nelly's Pond came about. Even though today most of the pond is dried up, it is believed that while wandering in the woods near the pond, you can still hear the drowning horse crying out.

Delran - Holy Cross High School - HCHS is said to be haunted by a former principle who had a heart attack late one night on the way up the steps in the northwest wing of the building. Teachers who work at the school late at night report hearing heavy footsteps going up the stairs and then stopping, rushes of cold air during the summer (the building is not air-conditioned) and doors opening and closing by themselves. HCHS has a lot of ground, and driving through there on a clear night, you'll find yourself in the middle of a dense mist.Dennisville - Henry Ludlam Inn - strange sounds and events occur here.

Denville - St. Claires Hospital - It is believed the spirit of an elderly gentleman is still lurking in the Peds section of the hospital. Several of the staff members claim to see the form of a human body behind the curtain that divides the beds and then it vanishes into the wall.East Greenwich - Eglington Cemetery - is the oldest operating burial ground in the United States has been investigated by several paranormal groups and is reported to be very active with ghostly globes and lights.

East Greenwich - Lenape village - was located here with 2 signals hills and one of the largest trails going to Tuckerton (Koh hach ing trail) runs right through the center of the township. There is also a very active underground river and numerous spring fed ponds which according to the Dragon Project in England act as a psychic "battery" or "memory" for paranormal activity.

East Hanover - Nike Drive - Ominous noises about within the few delapidated buildings there, especially a blue painted house and the abandoned hospital behind the house. Rumors of many there abnormalities such as shadows and footstep noises. Shouts and cries from within the hospital.

Edgewater - Old River Road - There have been sightings of the ghost of the Leni Lenapi Indians walking on the old river road... there is also an ancient burial ground on this road...it's a preserved cemetery from the 1400's of the old Leni Lenapi

Edison - Edison job corps academy - shadowy figures seen walking down darken halls in all four of the dorms figure have been know to attack female student in a sexual manner stranger unearthly smells have been experience in the Roseay Parkes dorm and the business tech class stranger creature have seen near the smell.

Edison - Old White Church on Woodbridge Ave - It is said that the cemetery is haunted by Mary Moore, a woman executed in the 1700's accused of witchcraft. Many people have stolen her headstone and died shortly after. People have said they have seen her in the cemetery.

Edison - Wardlaw-Hartridge School - In the upper east wing of the school, students and teachers have heard constant banging in a patch of sealed lockers, and when opened the sound would suddenly stop only to start again when locked up again.

Elizabeth - Elizabeth General Medical Center in Elizabeth - The Newborn Nursery is haunted by a woman in white. A room in the Special Care Nursery is known for suddenly becoming cold and furniture and equipment is known to move by itself. A crying baby is sometimes heard in the third unused Nursery. A room in the postpartum ward is known for a rocking chair that rocks by itself and a toilet that flushes by itself. The hospital operator one night received a phone call from a patient room the voice on the other end requested that she send "help"---the room was in a closed down, unused ward and had no telephone.Ewing - The Woods behind the Verizon building on parkway aveune - A boy vanished in these wood about 30 years ago, people say they can hear twings snapping and leaves rustling and once a sound of a boy crying

Flemington - Union Hotel - Slamming doors and spinning barstools are seen and heard after closing. Strange events occur without warning like one time, the heavy wooden front doors were locked. Some employees were sitting around the bar when the heavy wooden doors opened all of a sudden and a cold wind went right past them. When the employees locked the door again, they saw a pair of leather children shoes walking up the stairs. The restaurant is haunted by many unknown spirits.

Fort Dix - Garden Terence - A boy the age of around 15-16 walks around the area. You watch him walk away and he disappears into thin air. Can be seen every night walking around the teen-center at the end of Cedar St. at about 11:oo at night. Can be seen wearing a red hat with blonde hair and a blue jean jacket with jean pants.

Fort Dix - Garden Terrace - Teen Center - A boy the around the age of 15 walks down the street of the teen center at the end of cedar street every night. he can be seen wearing blue jeans, a jacket, and a red hat. when walking down the street he disappears into thin air.

Fort Dix - Haunted Hospital - Repeated sightings, noises, and furniture being thrown around on the top five floors of the hospital. It used to be a hospital for the victims of the war. In the basement of the hospital used to be the morgue. You can see the spirits that lives there and you can see from outside of the hospital the blinds are all up and that there is someone watching you.

Franklin - Headquarters of the Meadow Foundation -South Middlebush Road - The ghost of an elderly gentleman has been reported to walk through the house and look through the dining room windows. He is sometimes reported to have been wearing a Civil War uniform.

Franklin Lake - Gravity Hill - Route 208 Exit - The legend of Franklin Lakes’ Gravity Road claims that a young woman was killed at the bottom of the exit ramp. When you stop at the stop sign, a mysterious force pushes you backward up the hill again. This is supposedly the ghost of the woman pushing your car away from the dangerous intersection where she was struck down. Rumor has it that putting flour or baby powder on your front bumper before trying this will reveal the ghostly handprints of the girl after the event.

Franklin Township - VanWickle home -It is a beautiful home that sports a cemetery right on the entrance to the driveway. It has been rumored to be haunted and many documented sightings are on hand.

Franklineville - Iona Lake Inn - The Inn is so large, many ghosts visit the place. The old owner who first opened it…still runs the now empty Inn!- October 2003 Update: Iona Lake Inn was sold and was turned into a Italian Resturant it's called Jake's Italian Restaurant now....

Glassboro - Rowan University - Footsteps heard late at night in dorm rooms and strange, low whispers. Occasionally, objects move by themselves and lights flicker.

Glassboro - Rowan University - Bunce Hall - Bunce Hall (1st building constructed on campus) a ghostly lady haunts the upper floor and bell tower area.

Glassboro - Rowan University - Wilson Music Building - When the concert hall was build during the early 70s, a workman fell headfirst from the still unfinished catwalks. Every once in a while, theater works catch a glimpse of him during shows.

Glendora - Gabriel Davies Tavern - One of New Jersey's oldest historical landmarks used to be a tavern during the Revolutionary war. The attic was used a hospital for wounded soldiers. The original furnishings are in the house and there is still bloodstains in the attic. On occasion it has been recorded the sighting of people walking in the upstairs and strangest sounds of people suffering.

Gloucester - National Park - Whital House Battle Field - it is noted of haunting from the revolution 1776 dead soldiers in the attic house was used as a hospital check it out.Hoboken - "The Brass Rail Restaurant."- The restaurant is over 100 years old. Waiters and waitresses have seen the ghosts of a bride, groom and wedding parties walking down the spiral staircase of the two-story restaurant, late at night, when they're cleaning up.

Hamilton - McCorristin Catholic High School - Lockers that have been locked are found open, the scorer's buzzer in the gymnasium buzzes for no reason, lights go out by themselves even in good weather, and on one occasion a stack of papers was blown off a desk when there were no windows open or fans on.

Hackettstown - Hackettstown high - Ghostly apparitions are known to haunt the auditorium at, and also people have said that they have seen small patches of fog swirling around the stage area.

Hackettstown - Union Cemetery - Young girl walks the roadway heading towards up-town, in front of the cemetery. She is dressed in white. When you offer her a ride she will not speak but get in and disappear by the time you get to the main part of town. No one knows who she is or where she is trying to go.

Hoboken - Arthur's Tavern - There is supposedly three ghosts who haunt this huge restaurant. There are reports from employees of footsteps, lights going on and off or flickering, doors opening by themselves, a clipboard flying off a desk, whispers, and someone's hair being pulled.

Hope - Jenny Jump State Park - There are many different tales, but here is one of many. Jenny was a nine year old girl who lived generations ago. The small white house where she lived stood far below a high cliff. One day the child was picking berries or playing on the rocks when an Indian surprised her. In great fear she called to her father for help. He cried, "Jump, Jenny Jump!" The obedient child jumped from the high rocky cliff to her death. Her small figure can still be seen wandering around the location it is reported.

Hopewell - Barry's Chapel - Off Route 77 and down a long dirt road, there are the remains of an old church. It was built by a man with the last name of Barry many years ago. His wife had mysteriously died. In a separate incident, his church burned down around the same time as his wife's death. He later became guilt stricken and went to the site of the burnt down church only to hang himself from a tree in the churchyard. If you go there at night, you will see the church as if it was never burnt. If you kick the foundation, the church bell will ring.

Howell - Allaire - Allaire Village - Located in the middle of the park on Allaire Road. It is an old iron fence from the 1900’s. Reports of an apparition of a woman in white has been spotted between the park and the General Store.

Howell - Freewood acres - Homeowner hears footsteps, screams and people banging on her door all at night.

Howell - In the woods - In Howell there are woods that are haunted. 6:00 between 8:00 there are noises coming from the woods. Often there are screams. One time a little girl traveled into these woods and never came back. Sometimes you can hear her say “HELP PLEASE IT HURTS!” It is believed that little girl name was Annmarie.

Jackson - Log Cabin Ruins - on Bens Lane (a dirt road) toward the end of the road on the right, of in the woods, there are 2-3 old stone foundations, all around it seems animals die, many bones are visible on the ground for no apparent reason, when walking by at twilight people have seen a woman sitting on the edge of the largest foundation and crying, she is in transparent shaded of blue-gray.

Jersey City - 629 Grove St. -Industrial Building - many employees have seen ghosts wearing close with style from a different era. Feet running sounds and more, screams all that happen on the second and third shift.

Jersey City - Daily News Building - This place is haunted on a daily basis by the chief Machinist that was supposedly beheaded by a disgruntled employee. Workers there say that they hear the words "Jeezz I'm the Chief" coming from one of the offices late at night.

Jersey City - St. Joseph's Church - This church is located right by the Courthouse. You must stand in front of the Mc. Donald's to see it. At night, you can see two lights(eyes) in the tower. These are known as the "Cat's Eyes of St. Joseph." There are no lights located in the tower itself and the street lights do not extend up that high. There is no explanation for it as yet.

Lakehurst - Lakehurst Naval Mobile Construction Battalion 21 - Based at Lakehurst, our compound is the supposed burial site of the remains of the Hindenburg which crashed there, there have been many reports of sightings, doors closing, and many other things that can not be explained that have happened there.

Lakehurst - Naval Air Station Hangar 1 and (former) surrounding tarmac, Natably during daylight hours outside of Hangar 1, sound of men shouting "Away the lines, Christ be blessed, away the lines!" as well as "She's afire!" Inside Hangar 1 during morning hours, the sound of engines whirring when no like equipment is in operation. Possible ghosts of Graf Zeppelin Hindenburg crew, as well as US Navy dirigible personnel, variously sited about Hangar 1 and forward locations.

Lakewood - trails - its a huge wooded area by oak street school were many atvs and dirt bikes ride. but if there none in there something black big and fast slip across the trees but you really have to look or you wont see it cause its so fast. but at night u fell like something’s always watching you

Lambertville - Inn Of The Hawke - This popular inn and restaurant is host to several different ghosts. There have been occasional sightings that mainly consist of mischief and strange noises. Pots and pans have been known to lift from their hooks and come crashing to the ground. There are even pictures in one area of the inn that never seem to stay on the walls, no matter how they are hanged.

Lambertville - Lambertville high school - In the 1920's the boiler blew up killing everyone on the bottom floors. It was rebuilt then abandoned in the 1950's due to zoning issues. Kids are known to commit suicide from the third story gym windows. Reports of free floating apparitions, cold spots, and sounds heard by the EVPs. Also documented in pictures taken were ectoplasm like clouds and apparitions in 3rd floor window. Also strange noises when quiet. Plans to tear this building down in the very near future.WARNING: if you go there do not park on Washington street, you can get arrested for trespassing.

Landisville - Landisville Fire Company - Cold Spots, Voices of both men and women, and sounds that come from the loft and the back of the engine bays. Footsteps can be heard.

Laurence Harbor - Bowne Provost Family Cemetery - dates back to the civil war. Ghosts have been seen here and mysterious figures.

Lavallette - The Murder house - Eighty years ago, a middle aged sea captain purchased a large house on the boardwalk facing the ocean. Legend states that he bought it for his young wife, who was only eighteen at the time. A few years later, the Captain made his final voyage, never to return. His young wife was said to have spent countless nights on the widows walk, waiting for the Captain to return. One frigid January morning, exactly two years after the Captain left, her body was found frozen on the widows walk. To this day she can be seen standing on the widows walk, waiting for her beloved to return.

Lincoln Park - Heartbeat Lane - A strange sound that sounds like a heart beat, and you pass the house on your way out, there will be a light on in the upstairs window.

Long Beach Island - Haunted Beach - Sometimes on the beach late at night you can hear the cries of people that have ship wrecked on our beach. You know when they are near because you get a very cold chill in your bones.

Long Valley / Middle Valley - its the story of the hooker man, the story goes that a man carrying a lantern walks the railroad tracks at night through long valley supposedly searching for the severed arm he lost after being hit by the train.

Madison - Drew University - It is believed that some of the dorms at this college are haunted by a skinny college women from the 19th century.

Madison - Fairleigh Dickinson University - Lenfel Hall - lights turning on and off, and sightings of Peter Sanmartino (founder).

Madison - Fairleigh Dickinson University - Mansion - There are many different stories about different sections of the campus that once was an estate to a powerful family. Most happenings occur at the Mansion, including a girl in a white dress Dancing.

Maple Shade - Woodlawn Park - A few years ago a 16 year old girl was found dead in Woodlawn Park. Apparently she committed suicide because of a bad break up with her boyfriend. It is said if you go to the park and call for her one time, the swing will start swinging violently and come to a complete stop suddenly. Reports of hearing a poem in your head.

Marlboro - Main Street Market (formerly Andy K's) - Several former employees have reported strange happenings after the store closes at night. The reflection of a large man has been seen on the glass to the freezer case, which disappears upon closer inspection. The ketchup and mustard bottles behind the counter tip themselves over. Also, objects on the shelves are reported to have hurled themselves across the room with great force.

Marlboro - Marlboro Mental Institution - Reports of a rotten stench and a whistling noise, feelings of being followed. Rumor has it that the land was originally a slaughter house and the state wanted to take over and build a mental institution on the land but the man wouldn’t allow it eventually the state just took the land from the owner of the slaughter house and built their mental institution somehow eventually the owner of the land ended up in the institute as a patient he broke loose one night and they never found him the patients then for the next couple years said they could hear weird sounds outside like pigs dieing and cows mooing a couple of the patients were missing and never found.- Febuary 2005 additional info - The counselers would take the kids on hikes through the campgrounds and told stories about a ghost-man who haunted the camp, "OLD MAN SAM." They said he lived in a house painted with blood. Located in a big graveyard right in the middle of the camp. The largest grave there was one with nothing on it but SAM. There was one other big grave that said, THE MOTHER.

Marlton - Airport on KettleRun Road - The old air port is always been seen as nothing but dirt. But way back in the day it use to be a small airport with building and the whole nine yards, untill one day, a former emoployee came back and set it on fire...The cops believe it was an arsansis but they have no hard facts. So many people who live out here still believe that ghost are haunting up and down kettlerun, and this is why people are getting into the majorty of the accidents... everyone says "they see something so they try to get out of the way of it"

Matawan - Rose Hill Cemetery - Dates back to Revolutionary War era. Ghosts, anomalies, ectoplasms, strange mists, vortexes, strange voices, orbs and shadowy figures. A frightening place, particularly at night with winding roads and an extremely "hilly" terrain. You can feel the strange presences instantly.

Mays Landing - The Abbott House Bed & Breakfast - According to local legend, a young girl is said to inhabit the top floor of this bed and breakfast. She has been seen and heard bouncing a ball for time to time. - www.bbianj.com/abbott

Mays Landing - Lincoln Memorial Cemetery - Went Ghost hunting on Oct.31st in the evening, Witnessed many orbs, and Ectoplasm. Was with a well know Medium, who wishes to remain nameless at this time.

Metuchen - Ayers-Allen House - the oldest house in Metuchen, it was originally an inn during Revolutionary War times. The house is haunted by a Revolutionary War soldier who can be sometimes seen hanging between floors (legend has it that he hung himself). Also seen is the ghost of a woman (the innkeeper's wife) searching for her son, who was kidnapped by Indians when he was 10 years old. Psychics/mediums have detected the presence of several other ghosts, also.

Middlesex County - Circle Players - (A local theater group in Middlesex County) - They often boast to be the most haunted theater in New Jersey.

Midland Park - Crayhay Mansion - haunted by many ghosts, including a ghost cat.

Millington - Elm Street Middle School - One day these kids were said to be walking past the school and decided to look around the school when all of a sudden one of the kids saw something in the window supposedly a man's face.they ran away and went to the lake near by went under water and every single one of those kids saw a little boys face,dark hair,very pail,with blue eyes.They went to their local libary and looked up Elm Street School and found a picture of some of the classes that were at Elm Street and you wouldn't belive who they saw:THEY SAW THAT SAME LITTLE BOY IN THE PICTURE!

Montvale - Fieldstone Middle School - In the hallway at the principal's office just outside of the Exploratorium at around 11:30, you will see some ghostly white mist traveling down the hall, it has a sense of peace around it though.

Morristown - Jimmy's - Local nightclub haunted by female from revolutionary war era

Morristown - Water's Edge Cafe - a heavyset male ghost can be seen on the staircase here.

Morristown - Jockey Hollow - In a dense wooded area, it is believed you can hear & see the spirits of George Washington & his troops marching through the woods or a woman wearing a long white dress carrying an lamp.

Mt. Holly - Historic Burlington County Prison Museum - The ghost of Joel Clough still haunts the prison. Floating cigarettes, apparitions, orbs, and such have been reported.

Mt. Hope - Mt. Hope Road - Many voices can be heard and cold winds can be felt. figures can be seen in the meadows.

Mt. Laurel - Hartford Rd. Haunted house - Now this haunting is not something you can see off the main road. You must turn onto a dirt rd. You then park your car, get out and make sure you have a flash light. You enter an abandon house, its all tore up, writing on the walls, help me all over, children toys and clothes all over. While in the house you will hear a bouncing of a basketball, screaming, and talking that can not be made out, and door knobs turning behind you. This is not something you do alone. - September 2004 update: The house has been torn down.

National Park - The park museum - there was a hospital for the soldiers that is still there to this very day. When you go in there many people at many different times have said to have seen soldiers walking around in the upstairs.

Neshanic Station - Murphy's Crocodile Inn - Built in the 1880's, the Crocodile Inn has been subject to many ghostly activities. Lights turn on and off regularly and a dark shadowy figure is often seen in the basement. The inn is located at 102 Woodfern Rd., Neshanic Station by the post office and colorful train station

Newark - Branch Brook Park - The story goes that a couple who just got marry we're passing through the park on there way to there Honeymoon, When all of sudden the groom lost control of his vehicle and crash into a old tree, The impact was so devastating that bride was ejected from the car and fell next to the old tree and they say that the ground open up an took her and when the police arrived all they found was the groom dead and a piece of white cloth sticking out of the ground. The story is she haunting the park at night in her bloody wedding dress.

New Monmauth - Shelly Drive - During the Revolutionary War the woods that once stood where now stands a housing sub-division, with the street name of Shelly Drive, provided cover and refuge to many troops of both sides of the American conflict. It has long been said that where the street Shelly Drive ends into a new sub-division there was a horrible battle between Patriots and British troops. So Bloody and horrific was this Battle that scores of troops from both sides were killed. One particularly poor soul was that of a boy named William Champlain who fought on the side of the Patriots but was a spy for the British. When it was discovered by Washington's troops that Champlain was a spy they did not let on to him that he was compromised. At the start of the battle it was relayed to the troops by Washington himself that Champlain should be shot from behind to let the British know that his traitorous dealings didn't deserve a bullet from the firing squad. Upon the start of the Battle Champlain moved to the front of the line to get a better shot he was heard to say, and before the first volley of shots were exchanged between side's he was dropped in his stride from a volley of shot's from five patriot's. It has long been said that the spirit of William Champlain Haunt's the sub-division in search of Washington in the hopes of finding out why he was struck down by his own troops. Being only a boy of 17 at the time of his demise and fond of the flute he has been heard many a fall night playing sad ballads and tunes in search of his mentor. So if you are walking or driving down Shelly Drive one evening and see a young lad dressed in Colonial attire don't be alarmed it is only William Champlain looking for his troops bivouac, and the reason for his betrayal.

Nutley - Park Pub Restaurant - When the restaurant is closed, the staff has seen two figures dancing on the main dance floor.NUTLEY - OLD CANAL INN - ITS A BAR/RESTAURANT WHICH IS WELL OVER 100 YEARS OLD IN THE TIME OF ITS EXISTENCE 2 MEN HAVE DROPPED DEAD SITTING IN THE SAME BAR STOOL. ITS STILL THERE TODAY BUT ALL THE LOCALS KNOW BETTER THAN SIT THERE. SOME SYA YOU CAN FEEL YOURSELF BEING DRAWN TO THE CHAIR LATE AT NIGHT.

Oaklyn - The Ritz theater - many orbs have been spooted around and insite the site.

Old Bridge - Nike Missle Base - It's rumored that the Nike US ARMY Base on Jake Brown Road off of Rt 9 is haunted. If you go down the long winding road, you come to an abandoned small group of houses. Everything is boarded up, but a constant mist is there no matter what day it is...

Old Tappan - It is said that the ghost of a revolutionary era bugler for the Continental Army haunts the area around the old Toppan golf course or other stories say the wooded area near there and it is also said that in the middle of the night sometimes you can hear the sound of a horn. The ghost is simply known as the bugler.

Parsippany - Hilltop Care Center - It is an old abandoned nursing home that had to be evacuated immediately for some reason unknown. All of the patient's files, clothes, pictures, card, and all of their belongings are still left in their old rooms. When you walk in and out of these rooms, your flashlights will flicker on and off. There is only one door in the whole place that cannot be opened. There is a room that is known to be haunted and when to door was opened, it stopped and then' started to vibrate rapidly. Now there is a "NO TRESPASSING"

Parsippany - Intervale Road - Recently, the ghost of a headless man has been seen roaming about Intervale Road near the place where it meets Route 46.Passaic County - Annie's Road - In the 1980's, a young girl was killed on Prom night (hit by a car). It is said that you can see her blood still on the road and at midnight it has been reported that her ghost will come out. Her gravesite is located off of the road where she was killed.

Paterson - Oliver Street - Michael Energy Factory Daycare - it said that building that was there was a factory before it became a daycare after 5:45pm the elevator would move with the doors opened.

Paterson - Tenth Ave - Haunted house - There have been many sightings in this house. A lady in a white gown, and a young child. At night you can hear footsteps of unknown beings walking up and down the staircase. This phenomenon has been occurring for many years and it is unknown what spirits walk the halls of this house.

Pemberton - Mount Misery - Freezing cold spots... Mist... It's all woods with dirt winding roads that never end. There's a cross in the middle of nowhere. Witnesses report that there were cars behind them then they disappeared out of nowhere like they weren't even there, sick feelings & apparitions of a woman.

Pemberton - Pemberton Township High School Auditorium - PTHS Auditorium - Having been a member of the technical stage crew for 3 years, I have often been in the auditorium late at night with a few others, and the chairs move on their own, creaking of the chairs can be heard, and sometimes voices. The curtain often moves on it's own as well (as if there were a breeze in the room- even when the a/c is off) The janitors clean the auditorium as quickly as possible and try to make sure there's more than one of them doing the job at a time. reports that the lighting queues sometimes change or clear themselves as well.

Pennington - Old Farmhouse on Main Street - Just pulling into the stone-covered parking lot on the side of the house one begins to feel a sense of foreboding. Once in the house, a sense of negative energy can be felt. Spend time in the house and you will see and sense things. Dogs and cats will run from or refuse to enter certain rooms at different times. Heavily lined drapes will blow on a windless day with the windows shut like they were fine linen on a windy day. Heavy person-less footsteps on the wooden stairs can be heard. Door-knobs will turn violently. Faint voices and moving objects and opening and closing doors on their own. Knocks on bedroom doors late at night when no one is there if you open the door. A sense of relief can be felt when pulling away from the house.

Perth Amboy - Alpine Cemetery - Usually on rainy nights, when driving or walking by the cemetery you can see dark ghostly figures at one moment and look back and then they're gone. When walking inside of it, you may sometimes feel cold spots in some parts of the cemetery, usually near the far end in the back. People have reported seeing three figures on rainy nights and then they'd mysteriously disappear.

Perth Amboy - The Proprietary house - Many workers there have seen the boy, who appears to be pointing to the third floor, for some reason unknown.

Perth Amboy - St. Mary's Cemetery - Is said to be haunted by three World War I & II soldiers. People walking or driving by who look in the cemetery see three dark figures standing and when they look back the three soldiers are gone. Other residents who visit the cemetery say they've felt cold spots in the area where the soldiers were buried. Also while walking by the graves people have heard the sound of running feet on leaves and only to find no one there.

Phillipsburg - Hunt Homestead - a hooded woman has been seen in the kitchen window.

Pine Beach - Admiral Farragut Academy - There is said to be screams coming from the old building every night around 12:00 am. It was a all boys Navy school in which there were day students and boarding students. Among the students were some famous people one being Alan Shepard the Astronaut and Lorenzo Lamous the Actor.

Pittsgrove - Ye Olde Centerton Inn - The crying of a little girl who met an untimely demise can sometimes be heard in the upstairs dining room. In this dining room, cold spots can often be felt. These cold spots are attributed to the spirit of a past Maitre De, for whom the room is named after.

Point Pleasant Beach - McLacleans- what is now a good store was once a small theater in the town. There have been reports of many ghosts wandering the theater, almost waiting to go on. There have also bee reports of applauding and cheering late at night, as well as footsteps upstairs

Port Monmouth - Spy House Museum - This house was a tavern during Washington's day and got it's name because the owner would welcome British troops into the tavern, listen to what they were planning and tell Washington's men (hence the name Spy house) and before that it was used by pirates who supposedly hid treasure in the house and stored their dead in the basement. There are tunnels under the house and there have been ghosts of both a pirate and a spirit of a child who died in the upstairs. It has also been said the spirit of a Women who took care of soldiers, still haunts the Spy house. Many Investigators claim that once you turn down the street of the Spy House, you can feel the energy. The evidence that we investigators have are; Moving Orbs, Ectoplasm, and full body apparition.

Quinton/Bridgeton - Berry’s Chapel - The true story of Berry’s' Chapel is, Berry was a black pastor hung by the KKK. The chapel was built back in the Civil war days. It burned down in the early sixties. The grave yard was starting to get desecrated from local kids parting in the area, and skulls started appearing in trees by the main party spot.. It was then the county moved all the bodies to the graveyard surrounding the ancient oak tree near the Salem City public library. The area is blocked off now and you can't drive back there. The Chapel was just in the paper again this week (05-27-02) as they were again cleaning up the area from those lame people who feel they have to dump all their trash back there. What was always odd is how nothing would ever grow on Berry’s' grave. No grass, no weeds, no bushes, nothing.

Raritan - Raritan Library - Raritan township library, Raritan The old library keeper haunts this place nightly, turning on lights and moving books, there have been numerous sightings of the elderly woman in the window and the old garden behind it. I live around there and have seen lights go on and off at very odd hours. They say she died there, many old buildings and strange stories of hauntings.

Richland - Railroad tracks behind St. Augustine Prep High school - if you go there at night and flash your beam 3 times and on the 4th time you leave them on you will see a little boy with a baseball and glove....if you get out he will throw the ball to you but he and the ball will disappear before you can catch it.

Ringwood - Ringwood Manor - Haunted by the last descendant of the former owners and two servants. Frequently investigated, the spirit of the woman owner is quite feisty and downright mean. Voices heard, footsteps, portraits that follow you with their eyes, and other phenomena occur.

Ringwood - Ringwood Manor Cemetery - Shadows are seen and voices are heard in the century old family cemetery. Above ground tombs have bricks that are continually missing or chipped away, but all evidence shows that this action is coming from within the tomb rather than vandalism from outside. Walk through the " Gates to Nowhere” and follow the path along the pond.. Cemetery will begin on your left and continue in spots for 1/2 mile.

River Vale - Roberge School - The ghost of a friendly janitor who died of a hart attack is heard sweeping hallway and bathroom floors. you also laugh out of no where when he is present.

Riverside - dead mans corner - across from the Derbys tavern, A man and his sons of Beat a man and dragged him to the porch and left him for dead. The next day Riverside police found a man dead on the same porch. It is said late at night he can be seen roaming the porch and asking for mountain man. Also a strange murky god forsaken stench can be observed on the steps leading up to the attic.

Riverside - Watchcase Tower - This town mark has been here since Riverside was created. It is said that flying orbs and ghostly figures haunt the watchcase till this very day!!!!Roseland - St. John's church graveyard - Strange noises, such as laughter and a crackling fire, and strange lights accompanied with the feeling of not being alone have been reported.

Scotch Plains - Graveyard - Park Ave. - Across from Snuffy's is a bus stop haunted by a lady in white, looking for a ride. She has been known to take rides only to disappear to the driver.

South Dennis - The Graveyard on Route 47 - There have been numerous sightings of children crying near the older tombstones in this cemetery.

Sparta - Remax Leaders - It's old, one of Sparta's first buildings. In the early 1900's it was an all girl’s school. It has now been the office for a few different real estate agencies. There was are report from an agent working for Burgdorf, that when walking down the stairs, she felt like someone grabbed her leg, causing her to fall down the stairs. Even the basement is creepy. You can see that it was the kitchen since the original fireplace is still there. When no ones else is in the building weird sounds can be heard, as if someone else is upstairs walking around.

Swedesboro - Swedesboro Lake - Reported sightings of a man on a bike as well as screaming.

Tabernacle - Caranza Road - A long Road in the pines said to be the living place of the jersey devil. But this road is more than that it is haunted by many ghosts. The road is named after a Mexican pilot who crashed on the road there is a big memorial there for him. it is said and has been told that 8:30 pm July 12 or the 12 of any month at 8:30 if you have a voice recorder you can hear his plane. it is a strange road if you go down it at night you get the felling that you are being watched from the wood by something but you knaw it is not human. If you ever go `out there bring a flash light there is no light out on the road.

Tewksbury Township - Farmersville Rd. & Rt. 512Used to be boarding house; Reports (especially children) of seeing man leaning over railing and also in barn; seems to be deceased George Hayes who died in the 50's; rumor has it he was border and married lady who owned house; bad marriage, and neighbor said she killed him using wood alcohol in his food, so he gradually got sick and died. A woman ghost was also there in the house squeezed shoulders when witnesses where in bed; she came through the wall and headboard with hands and place them on the shoulders sometimes leaving marks & sometimes pushed people out of the house.

Toms River - Castle Park - At Midnight all the swings begin to swing at the same time without any sign of wind. and you can hear children playing when no one is around.

Totowa - Annie's Road - An old road that is said to be haunted by a girl whose body was never found. There is a long red line of blood by the spot where she was killed. She is said to walk the road every night.

Totowa - Laurel Grove Cemetery - Repeated sightings of white robed woman appearing after dark discussion of said sightings on radio station WOR dozens of people have reported to have witnessed peaceful spirit. Cemetery closed before dusk sightings observed by dozens of people through main gates.

Totowa - Little Falls - Heartbeat Road - What you are supposed to do is drive onto Heartbeat Road in the middle of the night . Get out of your car, put your ear the ground and you can hear a heartbeat.

Totowa - Totowa Road - A girl was killed on this road in 1951 as she was waiting for her prom date to pick her up. A truck driver ran her over and she has been seen walking this street at night, still in a light blue prom gown. The road has been named after her: Annie's Road!!! Also, she is buried at the cemetery, which is directly across from where she died.

Tewksbury Township - Farmersville Rd. & Rt. 512 - Used to be boarding house; Reports (especially children) of seeing man leaning over railing and also in barn; seems to be deceased George Hayes who died in the 50's; rumor has it he was border and married lady who owned house; bad marriage, and neighbor said she killed him using wood alcohol in his food, so he gradually got sick and died. A woman ghost was also there in the house squeezed shoulders when witnesses where in bed; she came through the wall and headboard with hands and place them on the shoulders sometimes leaving marks & sometimes pushed people out of the house.

Union - The Caldwell House - It is now a museum and is preserved for public visits. It is said that Lady Caldwell haunts the house after she was shot in her living room by the British soldiers raiding her house.

Union - Kean University - East Campus - is Haunted by a young girl who attended it when it was a catholic school.

Union - Kean University - Rogers Hall - is haunted by a former student.

Union - Kean University - Vaughn - Eames Building - is haunted by a negative presence.

Union - Kean University - Wilkins Theater - is said to haunted by a man named George who died accidentally there.

Verona - The Asylum - An old abandoned asylum is located in New Jersey and it is the home to many dead lunatics...going there, you'll hear voices, footsteps and you'll see old people.

Villas - Trails - There's a distinct trail in the woods behind the M.U.A. factory where what appears to be the ghost of a young boy, wonders the trail ever so often, it is said to be the ghost of Johnpat Eisenman, he was a 14 year old boy who went camping in the woods during the early as rumors have it 1970's. However, the night him and his friends went camping, some male came up to them and abducted Johnpat. It is said, to this date, he roams the woods almost every night from 1:30am to 2:00 am, and you’ll notice him roaming around with what it appears to be with no pants on, its said he has no pants because when police found his body two days later, he only had his briefs on. Some witnesses of the ghost say they noticed him pointing to a large tree with strange craving engraved in it, that tree is said to be where he was molested and later murdered, by an unknown predator. To this date no one was charged with the abduction and murder of Johnpat.

Verona - Overbrook - This place was an old orphanage. Then it became a place where cancer and pneumonia patients went to die. The road stretches for about 2 miles and there are two entrances. There are 5 buildings on this road, all abandoned. There have been sightings of ghosts and footsteps. Also, there is a manhole right when u reach the fork in the road; if you take it off, on your way back it will be covered again. Or vice-versa. It's guaranteed to happen. Happy haunting!Warren - Warren Graveyard - There is the Warren Graveyard at the intersection of Mountain Blvd. and Mt. Bethel Rd. It is supposed that you see Sir Isaac warren in the corner by the church with his to grandchildren who died with him in a car wreck nearby. They are usually only seen on Memorial weekend and Halloween!

Washington - Washington cemetery - This cemetery is kind of large and extends on both sides of a small street off RT. 57 in Washington. In the smaller side of the cemetery there are 3 large headstones (possible the largest in that section). It was a husband, a wife and child, and a family friend. They were all murdered together in the family's house in the 1840's. If you read the epitaph on the headstones it mentions something about the wrath of God coming down upon those who did the murders. (the words are very warn and hard to read). This event was known as the Changewater Murders. Apparently the wrong people were caught and hung for the crime and by the time authorities figured out who really committed the murders, they were long gone. Orbs have been seen and caught on film.

Watchung Reservation - Densely wooded reservation with abandoned houses and etc. There are many stories that have come out of here. Example, there have said to have been a murder by the big lake there. Occult practitioners are said to have, and still meet and perform rituals.

Wayne - Clairview Movie Theater - voices heard in the projection room, apparitions of a grinning, pale man with big teeth standing in the open stall in the women's restroom mirror, feeling someone kiss them, and lights turning off then on again.

Wayne - Dey Mansion - Strange lights can be seen and a strange shadow occupying the windows.

West Long Branch - Monmouth University - Library - The library which was once the summer cottage of Murry and Leonie Guggenheim is haunted by the ghost of a lady in white who walks down the staircase overnight at midnight. No one is allowed there past 11:30, they close it down (conveniently) before 12. Upstairs and all inside the house you have the feeling that you truly don't belong and someone wants you to leave.

West Milford - Clinton Rd. - There is said to be the spirit of a little boy which haunts a small stream. If you toss a coin in at midnight he will throw it back. There is the story of the haunted coach that runs the road. There is also a "Hell-Hound" that chases you down if you enter the woods on the side of the road and see it. It is said to travel as fast as your car can go. (Note: Clinton Road is a hot bed for ghosts and other mysterious happenings.).

West Milford - Passaic County - Clinton Rd. - This road is a scary road. It has KKK sightings, Nazi meetings, Haunted dogs, and an old lady who walks on the same side as you re driving, and a creepy castle; A little boy was walking on this road one night and a car sped fast around a sharp turn and hit him and the boy fell over a little bridge and died. They say if you throw over a penny at exactly midnight, he throws it backs to you. Creepy huh? You can read more on weirdnj.com

West New York - Elementary School - In the annex of the girls bathroom you here giggles, footsteps and door slamming. There is saying that there were three little girls died there. Also have seen three shadows.

Westville - river drive - Along River Drive there have been sightings of a ghost of a young woman in a night gown. She has been seen floating at about the second story level along River Drive. There is mention of a second spirt. this spirit sometimes looks like a fish or mermaid of some sort .Tributes to her are found on one of the bridges crossing the Big Timber Creek. Timber Creek runs next to River Drive, and the sightings have increased lately as there is a lot of digging taking place right now. It was an area of an amusement park a long time ago. Maybe the spirit is upset with the area being disturbed.

Wharton - Knotty Pine Pub - Strange sounds can be heard coming from attic. Sounds are similar to moving objects and footsteps. Legend has the owners deceased mother is the bar caretaker.

Woodstown - Seven Stars Tavern - a ghost with a noose around his neck and other noisy ghosts haunt this place.

Wycoff - Route 208 North, Russell Ave. - Wyckoff Exit - The legend is, there was a girl who was killed by a hit and run, and her father roams the streets (only on Russell Ave) every night from 12:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. looking for her killer. He is also blind. You can ride around all you want before 12:00am and you will not see him, but he seems to appear right at 12:00am. He will stop and stare at every car that drives by, so you will hardly ever see him walking, but yet you drive 1 block and turn around and he has already walked 5 blocks down.

Wander

2006-01-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

I had three whole seasons on you
and you had years on me
it seemed and seems.
After all, lifetimes are used
and forgotten.
I held your hand in many.
The portal welcomes me
but, you are not invited.
My admission has been paid.
This show
I would not sneak you in.
I would wait after the lights go dim
for you to sit next to me again.
Clouds can race overhead;
the winner still loses.
Time stands still where it runs.
Just keep
her eyes on .. the
horizon.
Green feilds of ever emerald
with golden kaleidescopes
spinning open to the world.
The blue borrowed from oceans and skies
spill the rain of the sea
salty icebergs melt.
I was alone when I realized it was real
when I came to the bend
in the road
to the line
throught the dawn
to the light
to the turn
down my path in the fork in the road.

A Sorta Fairytale

2006-01-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

on my way
up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this
day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
things you said
that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
and i ride along side
and i rode along side
you then
and i rode along side
till you lost me there
in the open road
and i rode along side
till the honey spread
itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
i could pick back up
whenever i feel
down new mexico way
something about
the open road
i knew that he was
looking for some indian blood and
find a little in you find a little
in me we may be
on this road but
we're just
impostors
in this country you know
so we go along and we said
we'd fake it
feel better with
oliver stone
till i
almost smacked him -
seemed right that night and
i don't know what
takes hold
out there in the
desert cold
these guys think they must
try and just get over on us
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this
day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
and i was ridin' by
ridin' along side
for a while till you lost me
and i was ridin' by
ridin' along till you lost me
till you lost
me in
the rear
view
you lost me
i said
way up north i took my day
all in all was a pretty nice
day and i put the hood
right back where
you could taste heaven
perfectly
feel out the summer breeze
didn't know when we'd be back
and i, i don't
didn't think
we'd end up like
like this

Strange

2006-01-20T22:58:00.000-08:00

Strange
Thought I knew you well
Thought I had read the sky
Thought I had read a change
In your eyes
So strange
Woke up to a world
That I am not a part
Except when I can play
Its stranger
After all
What were you really
Looking for
And I wonder
When will I learn
Blue isn’t red
Everybody knows this
And I wonder
When will I learn
When will I learn
Guess I was in deeper than
I thought I was
If I have enough love
For the both of us
Just stay
you say
We’ll build a nest
So I left my life
Tried on your friends
Tried on your opinions
So when
the bridges froze and you
did not come home
I put our snowflake under a microscope
After all
What was I really
Looking for
And I wonder
When will I learn
Maybe my wish
knew better than
I did And I wonder
When will I learn
When will I learn
Guess I was in deeper than
I thought I was
If I have enough love
For the both of us
So strange
Now I’m finally in
The party has begun
It’s not like I can’t
Feel you still
But strange
What I will leave behind
You call me one more time
But now I must be leaving...

Visions in Dreams

2006-01-19T17:00:00.000-08:00

Fly me over and beyond the moon
that sits so full and still.
Interpret for me the sacred rune
and tell me of a future will.
The silver cord that binds me tight
to a date and place
stretches before me into the night,
as I astoplane into outer space.
My spirit as a comet soars
past worlds and stars and light;
as my mind explores and tours,
I find peace in this eternal night.
Tea leaves tell of the stories end
before one has read the book
and Faith, Destiny's closest friend,
is pleased to have the look.
The silver cord frays away
and my spirit soars ahead
as I become a golden ray
more vibrant when I am dead.
The silver cord retracts
back to the body I knew
while never-seen-before colors refract
from within this form, so familiar, yet new.
Five points of light burn inside
my shapeless form of me
and carrying my essence along the ride
back home for eternity.
Happiness, bliss, love, contentment, and glee
define my new found state
as I realize that rising before me
is Heaven's welcoming gate.
Opened wide in stunning grace
I enter and find release.
For within true reality's embrace
exists the only true peace.

Continuum

2006-01-19T16:45:00.000-08:00

Yes, the pages quickly turn
and the war, it wages while fires burn.
Where goes all the wisdom learned?
Back to dreams while the past is yearned
for in silent stony stares...
Nostalgia... old hopes and cares!
The bittersweet taste recognition bares
crystallize where memory wears.
Can somebody stop this flow
to a destination we can not know?
Defiantly, we all must go
and meet Creation's sibling foe.
Innocent beauty wrinkles loose and aged
losing the battle against Time it waged.
The miracle of Life that all engaged
has a hidden price that all has paid.
Metals rust and stones erode
while ravines are ripped where waters flowed;
marks on the wall where children's growth showed
the promise of Life before Fate is sowed.
Suns rise and suns set,
regardless of the goals that we met
or appetites that never are whet.
One space in Time is all we get.

Countdown

2006-01-15T17:23:00.000-08:00

Numbers slipping backwards to one,
back in time to where it had begun.
Full cirlce, I had to journey on.
Back to where all this time had gone.
Find yourself where I am found
as we chase the hands around.
The unsmiling and unblinking face
of the greatest invention of this human race.
Aside from God, and aside from rhyme,
sit the bold and bolder hands of time.
One second, one minute, one sweet hour...
One true God controls this power
to the end of immemorial bliss;
to the end of Life's sweet kiss,
the wicked three wont let all be.
Thee is past, present, and future... see
for forever and ever is in these words...
for Time, it flys, away with birds.

This Darkness

2006-01-11T22:08:00.000-08:00

This darkness,
she did not fear this darkness.
She did not fight the flame of her shadow.
She welcomed the warm embrace
as the arms of love.
She left as if it was the natural
and only choice she forgot she knew.
Acceptance of a stillness
far more suspended than any other,
she possessed it.
She comfortably let go
into a sleep deeper than dreams
and innocently followed it to eternity.
She gracefully stopped the hands of time,
the ticking of the clock,
the rising and setting of the Sun,
and left the room forever
with the same awe she entered and existed in.
No questions.
No fears.
No hurry.
She arrived before Death
and left after Death.
She didn't long for Death,
Death longed for her.

Fly

2006-01-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

Fly away, sweet soul, to where the sun goes down.
Life goes on and time will flip over my frown.
I can't hold on to every miracle like you
because how would I receive those that are brand new?
You are with me in my heart
and always have been from the start.
I set you free and you can fly away from me.
In the end, my friend, its you I'll see
welcoming me home from here.
For now, I know how I can hold you near.
Visit you everday in my mind's eye
and keeping you alive, so fly!!!
Fly beyond the stars and sky
and prepare that place for you and I.

Parting is just plain sorrow...

2006-01-08T14:26:00.000-08:00

I am really going to miss my Nana; she was a spunky and happy lady that always had her spirit high. She became a part of my life over seven years ago and now that part is missing. Today, we had the service for her in Doylestown. She wasn't there. Her body did not really resemble her. That energetic little soul that always used to dance, tell me I am handsome because I look like her, and say, "I'm sweet sixteen and never been kissed!" so I would lay one on her... she is gone forever. What am I going to do with my Sundays? I guess the brunches are over. A new chapter in my life has begun and she is not in it. I know she wouldn't want me to be sad, but it is impossible. I really miss her and I loved the way she would hold on to my finger when we sat next to each other, the way she lit up when she saw me coming down the hall, and most of all her never-ending love and graceful acceptance of life. Nana, wherever you are, I love you and miss you greatly!!!

Nana (for Eric)

2006-01-07T09:23:00.000-08:00

I sought to tell her of my love.
My actions spoke for me.
I know by stars that shine above
that love not spoken can be.
In shaken heart, I seek the peace
I held yesterday within my grasp
and carried with me questioning release
until this day came to pass.
No rage rebutted the snuffing of the flame.
She curled into an endless sleep.
She took with her my mother’s name
and those secrets of life she will keep.
Vibrant in life and gentle in death,
she dances behind mine eyes.
For someone who lived Love’s entire breadth
never truly dies.
Few in words in life, numerous now,
I contemplate the why and how.
In life my actions spoke for me.
In death, she carries my heart freely
to a place I can not go…
to a place we all shall know…
I hope she brought all my love and care
to welcome me when I return to her there.

Nana came into my world in February of 1996; I remember because it was after the Christmas when I returned to my family's home after our long fall out and Eric had off of classes at the University and wanted to teach me how to ski. Eric was going to teach me to ski at Waterville Valley, NH. Nana lived in Hillsborough, NH. We liked each other instanly. She had the warmth of a grandmother and the kindred sparkle in her eye of a friend I never knew. I loved her after only a few days of knowing her because of her unique, ever-happy disposition, and the fact that she already loved me. She was thrilled to add me to the collective of grandchildren and great granchildren she boasted of in numbers; I was equally thrilled because she made it an honor. After that, I looked forward to seeing her every winter. Secretly, she was my favorite part of our ski trips, even though she was no where near the slopes. I knew a trip to Waterville Valley was a trip to Nana. I wished she lived near us so I could see her more. She bewitched me with her innocent manner and matter-of-fact simplicity of existence. She made me feel safe. Three years later in August of 1999, I had the opportunity to influence her move to Doylestown, PA to live with us for a spell. She has a nice apartment. Made lots of friends. Everyone loved her, especially the men. She always made it a point to tell me how wonderful the place was, the people were, and how wonderful Eric and I were. She wanted to always show me beauty and happiness. Not once did she complain about anything. Nana liked beautiful things; she said that is why she liked me. When I think about it, she did. She always noticed the magical in everyday. She would sit at the large windows and look out at the trees and world outside admiring everything, instead of longing to be in it. Slowly, Life took everything away from Nana. In a matter of a year, she lost her independence, her apartment, her beloved furniture, her big window views, her physical ability to walk which she was so proud of for having at her age... She fell and broke her hip twice, landing her in a wheel chair and a shared room in the first floor nursing facility. She never complained. Still, all she would show me was love, beauty, and ultimately the quintessence grace. Nana died on Wednesday, February 4th, 2006 at 93 years old. She had been holding that tiger of life until she just let go and trustingly ventured into a darkness she always used to fear. Nana came into my world in February and she left my world in February, but she will never be out of my life.

I love you, Nana!

Transfigured

2006-01-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

Empirical fortress of logical scrutinity
crumbles before my insanity's mutany;
the laughing screams of hopeful dreams
untwining the binding of composure's seams
echo as I let go of that which holds me down,
vertigo as I know, my reversed smile's frown.
"Freedom at last!", I cry through my chains,
tackled and shackled my body remains.
Thought... my virtual refuge
where I can not be followed by this deluge
of words and laws and applied existence.
Insanity is my ultimate form of resistance.
I hold court with me, myself, I, and he;
we hold up the shackle and cackle with uncontrollable glee.
I was driven here
by biological need
exascerbated by fear.
I would never again be freed.

Happy New Year!!! Here's 2006!

2006-01-01T17:53:00.000-08:00

Well, for the entire year of 2005, I was free from my "fortress of solitude" for a total of 30 days... THAT IS IT! So, you can bet your sweet bippy that I am really looking forward to 2006! So much, that I am putting a link to a 2006 calendar here!!! I get off of this crazy stationary ride on Febraury 11th!!!!! Muthafuckas with CHEESE!!! with CHEESE, with cheese.....

with cheese....

http://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/?year=2006&country=1

Eternity

2005-12-23T15:41:00.000-08:00

Eternity is only years away
when the sun goes down and down it will stay.
The brilliant warm of the living day
will turn to ice where creations lay.
Darkness buries all the light
in the mysteries of that night
that will last for all to see
the endless length of eternity.

Therefore I Am...

2005-12-22T14:11:00.000-08:00

I think I thought I will someday know
where Time is, has gone, and will someday go.
Am I, was I, and will I be
thinking all the Time, wherever I may be?

Mother

2005-12-21T13:38:00.000-08:00

How amazing it must be
to harness Life and set it free.
You could have chosen to be another,
but you chose to become my Mother.
A piece of yourself you did sow
and feed it love and help it grow.
You put yourself last to protect me
to see I grew up safe and happy.

Somehow you just instinctly knew
all the right things to say and do.
Months and months you went through
carrying me within you.
Until the day I would arrive
you fought Fate to keep me alive.
Your fighting spirit willed me to live
and that fighting spirit to me you give.
I may not have had a most feirce battle cry
but, your Lifeforce was heard in my tired sigh.

Your giving heart did not stop there,
for you gave me a sister to love and care.
So close in age until the end,
you gave me my closest friend!
Along with me on Youth's long ride
I had a sister by my side.
The greatest gift I ever received
and that is how she is perceived!
In everything that I might go through
you gave me my Little Roo!
You taught me to love her well
and to see us you can tell
that the love in all I do
passes through me straight from you.

When we were young, you taught us how to play
and how to have fun everyday.
From pots and pans till the day was done
you made everday full of fun.
From my soccer to drill team's pom pom
you always were a Supermom.
You made life fun in so many ways
especially at the holidays!!!

I remember clearly every year
the massive abundance of holiday cheer
that you created all on your own.
How you did it is still unknown!
Cooking, shopping, working, baking...
wrapping, stashing, and home-making!
You made magic with every word
and even left out that Reindeer turd
that Squiggy left on the floor
for over two hours... maybe more!
You always kept equal tabs
on what was up for Christmas grabs.
You made every holiday a special one
by making it memorable and fun!

You even woke up with barely any sleep
and was still somehow able to silently keep
Santa's secret when it was really you
that was Santa, elves, and reindeer too!
Our gifts were always the perfect mix
of clothes, toys, and a sweet sugar fix.
Another thing that I can say truly
is that you kept us under control when we were unruly!

Try as we did, brothers and sisters will fight
and you held us together strong and tight
until we knew what was expected of us...
We are brother and sister, no matter the fuss!!!
We simply grew up knowing that was the way
and we still love and respect each other today.
Tiny and mighty and so full of love and light,
my Mother, is so true and right.
Even today, when I lean real hard
upon her emotions, no holds are barred.
She takes all my pain and makes me whole
with her eternal loving soul.
So accepting she is paths that I take,
she even puts up with the friends that I make.
She must be the greatest and pluckiest mother hen
to put up with the likes of my dearold JEN!!!

What did I ever do to deserve such a saint
for a perfect little angel, I just ain't.
I am crass and obnoxious and sometimes rude
and a mixed bag of emotions and unpredictable mood.
But, I know beyond a reasonable doubt
that my mother loves me deeply without
any reservation or condition or what-for
because I am the son that she loves and adores.

Where does she get this love and loyalty
and this sense of glamour akin to royalty.
From the day of that weak little sigh,
my Mother told me to hold my head up high.
When I can't, she will do it for me
and takes no credit, just says "That's family..."
Momma, your special and you know I love you!!!!
You learned from the best, you had a Supermom too!

Momma, I love you with every cell in this body that you made! I know I am far from perfect, but thank you for always making me believe that I was!

Hidden Treasure

2005-12-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

Beautiful creations
are hidden within the line of sight.
Perceptive relations
to a world of frequencies and light.
Scavanging the hunt
for a treasure not yet revealed
searching beyond the front
where the secret depths are concealed.
Glass or diamonds, maybe even ice
melt away too fast to portray
the form of their device.
A change in rhythm
a variance in tone
a sideways glance affords a chance
for the uncovered to be known.
Beauty in secrecy
warm beneath a blackened tide
ebb in cyclic frequency
from the depths where they do hide.
Perceived and received, they are not hidden any more
relieved and believed, they are taken to the core.
Hidden again, deep within, another mighty tide
just to wait and anticipate release from where they reside.
Jewels of human refining.
ore of human creation.
Leave their defining
to simple human relation.

Christmas Thug

2005-12-19T20:42:00.000-08:00

Humbug, humbug....
its what I say.
Only lonely
on Christmas Day!
Big old tree
shining bright
for only me
in a Yule-time night.
Santa Claus
must be lost,
breaking laws
at any cost.
If he tries
to come my way
boots will lodge
in his ass sideways.
I'll shoot his deer
even if they can fly
and filet their cheer
laughing as they die.
I'll crush his elves
and all his toys
up on the shelves
for good girls and boys.
Watch their tears
turn to ice
and feed the fears
of those noted nice.
Blow dry Frosty
to a rippling pool
of watery wetness,
Christmas drool.
Bitch slap that
Little Drummer Boy dumb
making his lips fat,
Pa rumpa pum pum!
Feed the Grinch's hole
the entire North Pole
and fill my stocking's sole
to the brim with coal.
Finally when
I see the Three Wise Men
I'll use my lure
to steal the frankensense and mhyrr,
then take their gold,
if I may be so bold.
Yes, its me
the Christmas Thug...
I hope your Holiday is merry...
BAH FUCKIN' HUM BUG!!!!

Life, thus far...

2005-12-16T16:13:00.000-08:00

A day in the life of me... how intrinsically sublime! AAlthough not very much has changed in my everyday existence, there has been alot of growth within me. I have been studying astrology in a natural sense; I think I have been able to tap into the fabric of my being and recognize patterns that I never saw before. The results yeilded me a new and profound glimpse into existence and this anamoly we call "Life". If one is prone to see Life as a classroom where experiences and lessons are learned for the purpose of perfecting the human soul, it is easier to understand the inexplicable. I do believe that modern technology has hindered humanity's innate ability to introspect and see what is not visible. Here is the wisdom I have gleamed thus far.
In order to explain myself coherrently and in a way that is completely understood, I must attempt to bring you, my reader, into the center of my understanding of the Life cycle. By this, I DO NOT mean natural growth, but spiritual growth... even though it certainly is a natural cycle that occurs every year. Basically, I have subscribed to the philosophy that nature, itself, does abide. Being a natural being, I have seen myself within this vast natural universe as a part of this cycle, not separate because of the old adage, "I think, therefore I am". I am more atuned to the philosophy of existentialism that dictates that "I exist no matter what I think, I just am." Once you stop cerebrally fighting to make sense of a force that is literally unable to be defined, one can define themselves through that force. This is what I have been attempting to do. So far, I have found certain clarity in this meditation. I have broken it down below and I hope that whomever reads this, reads it with an open mind.
Life is a cycle that is largely predetermined in its structure. One will inevitably go through the seasons of existence as everything else in nature. Because the human is half natural and half spiritual, this cycle occurs simultaneously and intertwined within and all around us. I will use myself as the example by which I illustrate my new philosophy of growth and maturation.
Biologically, it is seen in nature that we are immensely influenced by the seasons and lunar cycles. In the Spring, people tend to think about new goals, paths they wish to take themselves in life, and only really think about their present in terms of what they wish to accomplish. Every thought is filtered through this idea of possibility. Biologically, the human body gets very arroused, as does any animal in this plane of existence. Actually, the spring is when most animals mate and replentish the Earth with new generations of life. Trees grow new branches and develope leaves to proliferate the cycle of inevitable fruiting and reseeding. People born during this period of March, April, and May are entities that want to create, orchestrate, or need to change this plane. They are dreamers with aspirations that sometimes go beyond the scope of their capabilities. We are ultrcreative and developmental, focusing on the future. Sometimes the present takes a back seat to these future prospects. We fear stagnation and idleness; we question if we are where we are supposed to be. At times, we feel as if we are in the wrong relationship, field of work, role in life, or even the wrong skin. This is the fundamental drive of the Spring or Waking Sun. Our characteristics include a natural happiness and optimism because we live for the future. We are usually artistic, creative, and always interested in something new. We wish to expand as much as we can. We want to become the most that we can and our drive is incredible in its capacity. We are the most abundant source of natural energy or "life force". It is all about setting life up for the continuation of its cycle and ensuring the cycle moves forward.
Those born under the Summer, or Conscious Sun, are very goal oriented in a more short term manner; the people born in June, July, and August are very oriented toward completion of tasks and success. These people tend to seek out instant gratification, as opposed to the long term. In many ways they are very aware of their presence and their role on this plane. They only question their role in Life when a question is unavoidable. They see themselves as in the middle of a project that needs closure. They are the life of a party, satisfied with the present, as long as it is perfected to their degree of satisfaction. They come into existence in the middle of the maturation stage of Life. Usually, this means they are very headstrong, confident, and assertive. Their personality's are strong and are the rocks that people use as touchstones. They can get the job done. Their capability is unquestionable and they naturally are competitive. They love to be festive and usually live life to the fullest in the moment. They fear stagnation more than any other personality type, for Fall is around the corner; they do not like to procrastinate and can be short with those that do not assimilate to their fast paced ideals. They are not dreamers as much as they are doers.
The people born in September, October, and November are born under the Waning Sun, or Fall. These people are the introspective of the seasons. They are the introverts of the bunch and tend to keep their thoughts and emotions to themselves primarily. On the outside, they may appear to be smooth and unruffled, but internally, they are prone to emotional conflict and over analyzation. They usually are punctual and produce a commendable degree of activity. They are not usually focused on the future, but the past and its significance to their present. They are avid lovers of history and why things operate the way that they do. They are very logical and clinical in their view of the world because their creative energies usually are focused internally on defining what goes on within their minds and hearts. They are reclusive and have a tendency to isolate, especially when something is bothering them. However, they are rather dependable and pragmatic due to their love of logic and order. They also have an innate appreciation for the beauty that IS, as apposed to creating beauty.
The Winter, or Sleeping Sun, people are born December, January, and Febraury; these people are entities of enjoyment, relaxation, and rest. These people are very prone to find enjoyment in the details of Life. Creativity, drive, success, and accomplishment of goals are more internalized. They see themselves as the priority of their energies in that they are very comfortable in their own skin and seek out ways to better relax and enjoy their lives. They are jubilant and naturally festive. They are the least driven in the external sense of life because they are constantly internalized in finding comfort within themselves. They are natural lovers and enjoy having someone to relax and love. They tend to be very easy going and very accepting of people; they even are known to have a sedative affect on others, making them very sought after to talk to. The season of dormancy, or energy conservation, dominates their psyche and their goals for the future and analysis of the past take a backseat to the goal of the present in finding internal peace. They enjoy naps, vacations, and lounging. The details in life are of paramount importance because that is their realm. They can sit idle and really soak in their surroundings in detail. They are very distressed when hassled or in the presence of anything chaotic. They are very emotional and show their emotions for others freely, however, they do have difficulty in sharing their deep emotions towards themselves.
It is important to understand what type of personality one is because it is the foundation of their responses to Life; essentially, it is how they approach Life and IS the perspective by which thier lives are filtered through. This will inevitably influence how they deal with problems, approach situations that involve others, process their emotions, and view themselves. For example, if a Spring child is doing his best to accomplish a goal with someone and that person accuses them of slacking off, they are prone to becoming offended, angry, and will self-analyze immediately, taking the criticism to heart and being hurt; they may or may not retaliate with words of their own depending on the level of criticism, but is definite that they will not forget the assertion that they are not doing their part. The Summer child will react in much the same manner, but will usually not self analyze and jump immediately to a counter attack, being the driven and competitive person they are. The Fall child will hear the criticism and be internally affected by it, but will not allow the critic to have the satisfaction of knowing they have affected them in a negative way; they are usually logical and will externalize the issue by criticizing the critic or simply assuming that the critic is having a bad day. The Winter child, loving a peaceful environment and choosing to see the criticism as a threat to their relaxation will simply choose to not be affected by the criticism; they would rather keep the peace and offer the critic a listening ear. They may become annoyed, but to a negligible degree because they are their own sanctuary.
On a simpler note, one can see the core of the personality deliniations by comparing humanity to trees; Druids from ancient times have done this for centuries and even subscribed to the notion that trees were superior to humans in that humans have flawed emotions , therefore, must be servants to nature. Using the template of the tree to examine how nature affects humanity, one can see the foundation of the human psyche and the way it is in sync with nature. For example, in the spring, trees prime initiative is to grow and branch out as much as possible in order to gain the most life giving light; the tree is the most active with its energies externally-they will grow in any fashion necessary to ensure they will be able to mature, expending mass amounts of energy in doing so. When summer rolls around, the tree is strong and uses less energy as it has matured and begins to produce seedlings, deeper roots, or other little goals; this is when the tree is the strongest and most accomplished having grown upright, strong, and is less fragile. When autumn rolls around, the tree begins to store the energy that it has absorbed from the summer's light and reveals its awesome colors in satisfaction before dropping its leaves with the most energy activity being internal. By the time winter has arrived, the tree is dormant with all of its stored energy in its roots and at a minimal expenditure; this saved energy that is left over in the spring will be the energy that "springs" the tree back into active production of leaves to replentish itself. The cycle continues from there until the time that the tree is cut or dies. Ironically, the tree lives again in the identical clones that it has dropped to the fertile plane of Earth in the summer's end, a form of reincarnation.
How does this tie into me and my life? Well, I had to give you the foundation from which my ideology stems and why I see what I see when I look at myself and my life. Currently, I am in the season of my deepest introspection while searching for a peace within myself. The Season I am born under does not change, therefore my drive is the same, just directed into the phase that I am currently in. I am a future oriented person in the phase of introspection that is assigned to finding peace within myself. The focus of my attention is directed by the season I AM IN, while the application of that energy is dictated by the personality season I am; I am actively trying to find solace and peace within myself so I can relax and center my being for spiritual rest. If I ignore this, then I may not reserve the energy necessary to give my Life my best when my prime season of spring rolls around. My activity will be flawed, I will feel lethargic and possibly depressed by lack of life energy. To be more specific, I am soul searching and defining who and what I am along with what role or lesson I must learn from my life. This is difficult and painful. As I identify deficits within me, I meditate on them, personify them, and write them down in an artistic form to give them body/meaning while getting them out of my being. In a sense, I am purging myself of negative energy to make room for positive growth and energy.
Currently, I have identified my loneliness, not only in my physical space, but in my view of the world, myself, and the people I love. For the longest time, I felt as if I was shameful and unworthy of positive attention. I wonder why no one calls me. Why I affected myself this way from childhood. Essentially, what is so damn wrong with me that I do not deserve unconditional love and acceptance; why are all of my flaws so easily focused on and overpowering than my accomplishments? Why do I hold in this deep pain and feelings of inadequacy because I don't feel loved the way I want? Why did I allow myself to hold that pain do close to me until it irritated me and turned to a rage that I could only escape from through substance abuse? Why did I bottle that pain up until its pressure caused me such violent mood swings? How do I want to be loved? I thought these were questions that needed to be answeredn when in fact, these questions and their answers were never real. When I learned to understand my natural impulses through my season type, I realize that my drives are of a natural force, rather than an emotional source or fixation that makes me so driven to create these questions and seek out answers that don't exist. Once I realized this, the patterns of my life opened up before me and I received clarity. I see that I am the result of nature and environmental influences that converged to create emotions, and THOSE emotions are what hurt me. I created them out of confusion and held onto them out of not knowing any alternative. The simple fact is that I grew up in a family that never really was in any crisis other than the crisis they created... a self perpetuated cycle of blame assignment and habit! Negative mojo! Essentially, there is nothing wrong with my family! We are three dreamers that revolved around a rock! How perfect is that? If anything, my poor father, the rock, is the real victim!!! I am surprised that he isn't clinically insane! He likes instant gratification when everyone else was happy to take our own time to enjoy the process of formulation. THAT is the foundation or emotional setting of our family. Add to this the mix that nothing was wrong with our family, other than OTHER PEOPLE convincing our family something WAS wrong. People are imperfect in so many different ways. That is what makes people so damn perfect! However, sometimes those imperfections can combine and compound into an issue that is necessary to learning life's lessons. I think there were too many "phantom lessons" being focused on. The undertones of my family are simple:
My mother and father had a hard time finding what they considered true happiness when they actually had it... Anyone who watches an episode of Roseanne can see that. Life is NOT meant to be an episode of Leave It To Beaver!!! Besides, if it was, that is exactly where I would like to leave it... TO BEAVER!!! Enter a bunch of relatives that can smell uncertainty, combined with a need for attention, and you all of a sudden have chaos, resulting in aggravation and inevitably shrinks! Ironically, I received the records of my time with good ol' Dr. Fruge' and I was completely underwhelmed. With the education I have in psychology, through my childhood pictures I see a normal family that is convinced that they were in crisis... we simply became that!!!
I mean really!? What family that has school aged children is the perfect image of harmony? That chaos is the reason why the phrase, "The Family Circus" exists... So, with that in mind,
I am more able to let go of the need to hold on to old habits of feeling victimized because I understand my drives and impulses better; along with the clarity that this new ideology has given me, I also am more knowledgeable of what is going on in my present. I understand that where I am is a direct result of mot doing what nature has told me to do; therefore, nature has corrected my mistake and made me focus on what is needed to recenter myself. My so called "DEMONS" are slowly, but surely being unveiled and exposed as the simple psyche traps that they are. Self-loathing, self-pity, anger, blame assignment, sadness, depression, mania, envy, and any other general weakness is slowly being exposed, expunged, understood, and expelled from my being. he hard part is breaking the old habits and replacing it with my new way of life.
But, my life, thus far is one of exploration, peace, relaxation, and knowing myself as a good person that lost track of what is really important in life... my true nature.

I Love No one

2005-12-14T11:47:00.000-08:00

Alone all day
I hear what they say
or maybe it was me?
Who was it who said,
"You live like you're dead!
So, why not set yourself free?"
The Voices say
they rule the day
when no one is around.
They take up the space
in this empty place
with their bickering sound.
No one is here...
No one is near...
No one is my best friend.
No one fights for me...
No one adores me...
No one is by me till the end.
No one tells the Voices to go
because No one really knows
who the voices really are.
No one says they are'nt me
and No one can set me free
No one can see my scars.
No one is with me now.
The Voices bow
to only No one.
No one tells me what to do.
No one says I must choose between the two.
So, my choosing is done.
So, its my choice:
The Voices' noise
or simply No one.... NO ONE!!!
Without No one, there is only the Voices
that differ in their opinion of me.
Without No one, there are no choices
and I am stuck with the Voices, you see.
But, who are you and what do you do?
Reading my thoughts like they are.
It must be true, you know No one too!!!
Does No one also see your scar???
Maybe.. you and me... WE!!!
Should get together with No one!!!
We can sit and chat over this and that!!!!
Wouldn't that be such grand fun???

The Ryhme

2005-12-14T11:07:00.000-08:00

Everyday is just a day,
another drop in a sea
of salty tears that make the year
spread out here before me.
Nothing to do... No visits from you...
My perception turns inward on me
just to see insanity
for without it, what WOULD I do?
Biding time by weaving ryhme
is all that I can bare.
Searching my brain
for words that ryhme with "insane"...
I'd rather just sit and stare.
Out my window, there is a world
that I can not participate.
I can view and stew in my room
and can no longer concentrate.
Now is winter and you can see
the water that falls from the sky.
It accumulates before me,
the kindred tears from skies that cry.
They remind me in their bleakness
of my mental weakness
for wanting colors all around.
But I sit all alone
within my home
where my screams only resound.
They echo back
in their own attack.
I can only sit still.
I can not see a mirror of me
and shattering it will not kill
this life that I gave
to posterity's slave
so freely when I could.
Maybe its time to end the ryhme
while it is still understood.

The Fool or Hanged Man

2005-12-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

He will hang upside down and frown
from the pedestal and crown
annointed to him by destiny
Tarot king of fools, you see.
The devout fan of The Hanged Man,
he knows that he must be.
Is one able to know which side of the table
from which one is meant to see?
Upright or uptight
no difference is really made.
There is no jolly in the folly
of this card thats played.
So hard be this card,
when the decks shuffling is willed.
By the words and swords
a number must be killed.
Read to thee a history
in reverse line.
Read to thee the misery
that we surely find.
To rule the tool of the Fool,
one must not think
and be the keeper and the reeper
of a soul that sinks.
Woe is me, never receives pity
for it was written in the stars.
All is made clear through the beer
and spirits of the bars.
Drives insane or in and out of lanes
until a stop is inevitable made.
Heed the call of the law
that must surely be obeyed.
Strip my skin and all within
from my mortal being
and feather and tar over the scar
a folly for the seeing.
Yet beneath and underneath
the down and black pitch
is a wound that will balloon
and eventually pop the stitch.
Twas made so this way to go
and infect all of the senses
to incarcerate and appropriate
my defences without fences.
Left to kill my last long will
is the seed of my travesty;
there is no resilience in the brilliance
of murder's majesty.
Can one hide from suicide
when it is underneath your skin?
Can one abide when it resides
outside and within?
Hope and doubt have to shout
louder to make themselves clear
that they blend into one when its begun
and the end is drawing near.
To see the sign of the finish line
after such a pyrric race
makes one have to at least laugh
in irony's sardonic face.
On Life's shards, spread are the cards
to draw one from the pool.
For my own sake, I pray the choice I make
is NOT again The Fool.

One Word

2005-12-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

One word can break the code of silence.
Silence tells me all I need to know.
Silence equates to emotional violence,
violence hiding within a hidden foe.
One word, one word...
One word is enough to let it go.
One world driven into madness,
madness driven by the depths below.
Words stolen by deepening sadness
never convey what you need to know.
One world, one world...
One world reaps the harvest we must sow.
One lie tells a thousand stories,
the most horrible stories ever told.
One lie, one lie...
One lie tells me all the secrets you may hold.
One man can predict the future.
One man claims it is not so.
One man, one man...
One man knows that he has no soul.
One truth can set us free,
free to know all we need to know.
One truth, one truth...
One truth hidden behind a world of woe.

Our Family Christmas

2005-12-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

The Holiday Season and Christmas trees
invoke in me childhood memories
when everything was full of magic and mystery.

The increasing angst as Christmas grew near,
the warming laughter of Yule-time cheer,
these are my favorite times in our history.

Lights and sights, cookies and cake,
sneaking into the kitchen while the goodies bake...
It all seemed to me like living in a dream.

Recreating and decorating to the records we had,
Concentrating and contemplating if I had been too bad,
I always figured I'd just have to wait and see.

Choosing and perusing for the right Christmas tree
and then Rocking Around it with Brenda Lee,
life was so perfect and made just for me.

The thrill and the will to go to bed before eight
listening to the roof for the creak of Santa's weight,
slowly I lost to sleep's powerful might.

I would wake and take to the living room
so fast I made a sonic boom,
and behold a most magical sight!

Presents piled high and in the tree's glow
excited me beyond anything I'd ever know
and off I would dash to my sister's bed.

I would wake her and get no fuss
and tell her of gifts that Santa brought for us
and we'd go to the tree without another word said.

We'd take and shake a gift or two
and then wonder aloud or simply argue
which of us would wake our Mom and Dad.

In the end we know both of us would go
and to their room we would tip toe
to open their door and silently peer in.

There they would sleep with the dreams they keep
and my sister and I would not make a peep
until our anxiousness over us would win.

Like a dream it seemed Mom's eyes opened and gleamed
and she'd smile a smile that just seemed to beam
and she'd rub Dad's back and coax Dad awake.

My sister and I would fly to the bed
and say, "Daddy get up, you sleepyhead!!!"
Dad would yawn and ask how many cookies did Santa take?

Then we would all walk through the hall
to the living room where we would fall
kids on the floor and the couch for Mom and Dad.

The cat climbed the tree, my sister giggled with glee,
I wished it was me, and Mom and Dad went to see
just how many cookies Santa had had.

Mom would make coffee so they could wake up
then they'd sit on the couch with a piping hot cup
and my sister and I would line presents in rows.

Dad would ask who would have Santa's task
of handing out gifts while we all would bask
under the tree in multicolored light.

So, Dad would decide and we would abide.
The choice was made clear when Santa's hat was applied
and there was never any fight.

Whether is was my sister or me, we both got to be
Santa for a morning throughout our Christmas history
and Christmas mornings always were happy and fun.

I would tear while my sister opened with care
all of the gifts that waited there
and Mom and Dad would sit back and smile.

They had gifts too and and quite more than a few
and opening gifts is what we would do,
leaving the paper in a mountainous pile.

So many joys and toys that Christmas employs,
I felt as one with other good girls and boys,
frolicked in the aftermath of such a wonderful day.

Christmas always made me feel like a real winner
and I ate voraciously at our Christmas dinner
and I remember my parents would always say:

"Hey kids, how was your Christmas?"
Never knowing they would eventually miss us
as we grew up and left our parent's nest.

But, we yearn to return when the Yule logs burn
and into winter the Season will turn
because Christmas time was always the BEST!!!

Beautiful Bucks County's First Snow of the Season: 12/03/05

2005-12-04T22:50:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Bucks County, PA!!!
This is my home and where I currently
am. This is a great parcel of land on the Delaware Canal and Delaware River. The area that I live in is known for its incredible natural beauty, outdoor activities, River sports, and for its history. George Washington probablywalked right through my yard on his way to Trenton to ambush the English. As a matter of fact, the Black Bass is a Revolutionary period landmark in this area and is still owned and operated by the descendants of the same English sympathizers that turned Washington away when he sought refuge from the cold. Washington ended up staying in many of the old stone Bucks County farmhouses and barns with his troops; the Bucks County stone houses are also a famous item in this area. The Black Bass is now where I go for Sunday brunch. You can see it there.

The Fisherman

2005-12-04T07:27:00.000-08:00

Before the Sun has begun
to create the day
the Fiserman writes in his log
the anticipation of his play.
His eye to the sky listening to seagulls cry
he looks upon the Sea
and wonders if his trusty skiff
can brave the waves' coaxing plea.
Seduced by Sirens with engines firin'
into the wind he holds the boats nose
the rise and fall of the water's marching walls
are cut through as minions of foes.
Heeding the call of the rising glowing ball
the Fisherman ventures out;
he will embark past the mark
without any hesitation or doubt.
He knows Poseidon will be hidin'
for today he can feel in his bones
that today is the day that people will say
"That man is blessed by Davy Jones!"
With sprays of sea mist and the helm held in his fist
he rides his nautical vessel where waters run deep
and cuts the power knowing that this is the hour
he will reveal secret bounty the oceans keep.
With a stern nod to God he grabs his rod
and administers his hunk of bait
and then at last his rod is cast
and he waits upon the bait's fate
Still in his rocking with eyes stalking
the mariner's blue avenue
he chews his tobacco plug anticipating the tug
that is his fight's invisible cue.
Knowing his time has come he sees in the chum
the wave of a dorsal fin
and can tell by its height it will be a hellish fight
and readys himself to begin.
Man versus beast facing the East
with wind now upon his back.
The fishing is best when winds hail from the West,
this Monster's spirit he must crack.
For hours, they fight in the dull morning light
battling wills in heavy breath.
To the fisherman's delight the monster's head is in sight!
He pulled from the Sea, jaws of Death!
Banners held high you can still hear the cry
of that fisherman on his boat,
for he knows its just time till he's back at the brine
of the Marina so he can gloat.
The other Salty Dogs will gather like hogs
around this Fisherman's catch
and in their soul is a hole as the Fisherman's chuckles roll
in knowing his catch they can never match!
To this day, some people still say
they can hear the Fisherman's thrill
when seagulls flock around that creaky dock
where the Fisherman brought in his kill!

Zydeco

2005-12-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

Sweaty palms in the humid balm
of the downhome molasses night
that rolls and cajoles with the jubilant souls
that dance with all of their might.
The fiddle teams and screams as stars beam
high in the glittering canopy sky,
as the washboard pounds in the mix of the sounds
attuned to the accordion’s cry.
The beautiful people dance in exotic romance
to beats and rhythms from afar
under different colored light in summer’s delight
that reflect from where the various origins are.
Tightly sewn in the melodic tone
is the lust of love and life’s bliss
causing bare feet tapping and excited clapping
all sealed with a deep South, French kiss.
Spanish moss sways outside where the music plays
in the warm moonlit bayou breeze
where crickets sound as lover’s resound
embracing in a kiss where they freeze.
Cattails and catfish sails from the water prevails
to join the festivities and dance
while the croaking bull frogs and turtles on logs
stare as if in a trance.
Gator’s glittering eyes and heavy clouds in the skies
illuminate in the vibrant swamp light
of the full moon’s rays as the zydeco plays
all on this Louisiana summer’s night.

The Birth of a Christmas Tradition

2005-12-02T13:24:00.000-08:00

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

The Christmas List

2005-12-01T11:31:00.000-08:00

Well, it is that season again... I like what my sister did, so I am putting up a christmas list also. I feel greedy, but "GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!!!"Ha! HA! Naw, I always get great stuff for Christmas; most times it is chocked full of things that I didn't even realize I needed or wanted. Christmas is a nice holiday in my family. So, I guess I should begin my short little list....

1) I would LOVE a pair of K-Swiss Classic shoes; these are my two favorite
styles. They are K-Swiss Classic Originals... The snazzy black, tan, and white shoe is called the "K-Swiss Classic LXP" and they are black, dune, and white in color. The brown on brown shoes are called "K-Swiss Classic LX LP" and are aztec and dune in color. They are tumbled or cashmered leather uppersole with outsoles of Aosta rubber cupsole with forefoot flex grooves and ice color pop. They have the K-Swiss signature 5-stripes with corded piping, three-piece toe, and D-rings. The K-Swiss sheild is embroidered on their tongue. These shoes are of luxury comfort, classic looks, and very nice!!! Where Nike and other "sneakers" of less quality cost $70-$250, the K-Swiss Classics are only $65. plus shipping and handling. They can be ordered online at http://www.kswiss.com/cgi-bin/kswiss/store/catalog_section?selection=m_shoesA1&section=shoe.clas.15.m (just click on the link and look for their pictures... ordering instructions are easy). As far as buying them in a store, I don't really know where you can buy them. But, you can get GREAT deals online!!!! For example, instead of $65, you can get the fancy black, dune, and white ones here for $64.99 with free shipping-----> http://www.shoes.com/category.asp?c=MENS&brand=K-SWS , and you can get the brown ones for $59.95 here ---> http://www.amazon.com/gp/search.html/002-7280874-0233637?me=&node=1036682&keywords=k%20swiss .... Shipping can be a bitch sometimes... But, they are high quality shoes with a nice Jamesian look about them for less than those monkey-hopping-basketball-wannabe NIKEs. This is #1 on my wish list...

2) I would like a bottle of the Obsession Night Men's cologne by Calvin Klein; I have never tried it, but I like the regular Obession also. A small bottle of both, or a larger bottle of either is great! You can find GREAT deals at www.fragranceshop.com . I just like the way these fragrances smell.

3) Playstation 2 games: Resident Evil 4 and/or Shadow of the Colossus;
these games are violent, but not in a real world sense. Resident Evil 4 is about killing the undead hordes of zombies and Shadow of the Colossus is about killing giants that are as tall as a skyscraper and have taken over the Earth. They can be found at Wal-Mart, the Gamestop, or any gaming store.

Yes, Art DOES Imitate Life!!!

2005-11-28T15:23:00.000-08:00

So, here I am in water color and cybergraphics... Meet my painter, Art... He is imitating me. No, I ain't no woman! I am a Spanish aristocrat.... (Let me be what I want too... ) Heck in reality, I am a jail bird and a damn goldfish in a bowl that I have to constantly keep sucking the algae out of!!! Did anyone notice when Hell entombed me??? That Greek guy that pushed the boulder up the hill and takes a break just to have it roll back down and start all over again... he has NOTHIN on me! I can't finish cleaning something before the absent minded professor bumbles his way into my site and wrecks it... I swear the man has horns under them cowlicks... But, what am I complaining about... I am just a picture hanging on the wall!

My Grad School Choices Exposed

2005-11-28T14:28:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been feeling irritable and overwhelmed with anticipation. I now realize it is because I am waiting to see if I am accepted into some of these schools because I really HATE not knowing where my future lies.... I am the type of person who thrives on being able to fantasize or use my imagination to begin creating a template of the future I wish to lead. However, I could end up on the West Coast, Gulf Coast, or here on the East Coast... All I really know is that I need to bring a bathing suit... Water, water, everywhere... not a drop to think!!!! Thinking about this shit is annoying because I really have no clue which school is going to accept me or if any at all are. How am I supposed to prepare for my future??? How am I supposed to think about it??? All I can do is sit there and tease myself with the inevitable "maybes" of perplexity. That is the kiss of death to my kind!!! I WANT TO KNOW ALREADY!!!! GRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Breathing deeply and passing much gas.... a minute later, I feel fine with the exception of that damn awful smell!!!! LMAO!) Well, everyone.... here it is! THe following is a sample of what I am anticipating. My future lies in one of the following pictures. As I am the type of person that tries to ensure that even my worse case scenario is acceptable, I have listed my schools in the order in which I would like to go to the most. USF is first on my list because of my dear family. Plus, I am familiar with the area, like it, and have a few friends already. I just hope that Fate blows me in the direction that I need to go. I WILL point out that I only applied to ONE school in FL and ONE school in PA... hint, hint, hint!!!! If I end up on the West Coast, I think I can be a beach bum... If I end up in FL, I am very happy with that; its my first choice... (Or it BETTER BE or my cuz, Kimber, will bruise me up something fierce.... I wonder why she wants me down there so bad??? LMAO! It is a Gemini thing I guess.... LMAO!) If I end up in Philly, I can have lunch with my sister every day I suppose and live the urban thang.... So, without further adou, here are my schools ->

University of South Florida (This is an arboritum on the plush USF campus which is full of fountains and gardens. It is a very attractive campus that is located off Fowler Avenue in Northern Tampa and about 30-45 mins from all of my beloved family in clearwater, if that!!! It is also close to the beach and main attractions.

University of California-San Diego (Actually located in LaJolla, CA; this area is HEAVEN on Earth!!! I have already been there twice! Have you ever seen Mission Bay or the area in SoCa where they rollerblade along the beach or surf where the ocean crashes onto the cliffs??? This is that spot!!! There is no other place on Earth like here! The LaJolla Cove is 5 minutes south of this scene and it is a prominade upon a cliff where white lights, music, and festivities happen year long... if you have ever seen the Lost Boys, this is the area on the Pacific Ocean with the boardwalks and beaches where it was filmed... and it looks it too!

University of California-Santa Barbara (This university is on the beach (see it on the right) and has a lagoon that can be seen on the left. It is sanwiched between the mountains and sea with a village that is alot like New Hope, just richer, nestled around it. Area attractions include San Fran, L.A., Napa Valley wineries, moutdoor sports, wilderness, and sunsets galore... )

San Diego State University (The campus is on the backside of San Diego, near the mountains and about 20 minutes or so from the beaches... mountains and desert behind and beaches and city in front of the campus....)

Temple University (Weiss Hall- Psychology Building in Center City, Philly) This is where I would spend almost 90% of my time. I would be close to my sister, parents, and just a short train ride from my current home in Bucks County, PA... I would probably rent a small 2 BRM apartment in the city for the week and go back to Bucks on the weekends. I can hitch rides to the parents' house or to my twisted sister's crib. I wouldn't need a license. The only danger is that this city is my stomping grounds for when I was a real party machine!!! But, maybe that is a good thing....

Tired

2005-11-27T15:26:00.000-08:00

All three Fate's, I've gone and fired...
The Bitches leave me no rest and tired!
Weaving their web called Destiny,
I wish they would just set my ass free!
Golden Scissors come to my aid
and snip the line of this life I've made;
Can't I just start a new thread?
Can't I just pretend I am dead?
Reborn my soul on a new path
that is vacant of my history's wrath.
I know one reaps what they sow,
but my crops are many... too many to know!
Can't I just have some damn corn!?
It's easy enough... Just let me be reborn!
Can't I have just a taste of simplicity
instead of this fatigue and duplicity?
RING, RING, RING!!!! My Life's beckon...
Jump THIS high and SING!!! I reckon
they want me to prove my subserviant plight
and "Yes' um and No' sa, instead of fight...
But, they know they hold the power
until the time of my releasing hour!!!

It is hard to remember who you are when you have been so many different people. Life… for some is just another four-lettered-word. To other people, it is an obstacle to overcome or even a wonder that inspires awe daily. To me, the ambiguous gift of Life is epitomized in the fact that we, as humans, use Life to define ourselves; in turn, we use ourselves to define Life. I feel there is an interesting correlation there that needs examining because that is where our ability to shape-shift truly is. I suppose its true that I have been a multitude of people because my life has been a multitude of varying conditions. Therefore, Life has been a bitch at times, a major trial, a splendid wonder, but ultimately, a lesson in myself.
Sometimes, shape-shifting can really hurt. Other times, I can’t seem to will the changes I need to make because of the pain; I have also been pretty comfortable and rather attached to some of my forms. I have shape-shifted in almost every situation. I have done it without thinking even. I have shape-shifted in anger, happiness, sadness, jealousy, spite, lust… and even in numbness. I always look forward to the times I just involuntarily shape-shift into something pleasant. It feels wonderful!
Time is also rather relative to the art of shape-shifting. Shape-shifting is natural to children. The boundaries between the imagination and reality are not clear, becoming a dragon is no big deal. I always found that imitation of real-life things were more difficult because of the multitude of examples for any one thing I chose; whether I chose to be a tree, dog, or bird, I had to make my mind up to be a weeping willow, oak, or conifer, a poodle, a mastiff, or a mutt, an eagle, a canary, or a hummingbird. That is another reason why I enjoy the imaginary.
Lately, I have been imagining myself as a real person… a person without negativity dwelling within my heart and mind. I am trying my hardest to shape-shift into a healthy human being that has no need for drama, self-loathing, hate, or spite. I want to finally be free of the demons that torture me and the questions that burn within that cause me to long for numbness or beat answers out of nothing. I want to be a “me” that I have never been before; I want to be peaceful, wise, reliable, predictable, and someone who is trusted and able for others to be proud of. The Grind is a hard one. I haven’t the ability to test who I am. I am locked in a life that is controlled and ruled by exterior forces. I know what I feel and I think I may be shifting into that person, but I will not know for sure until the Sun sets on my form without a governing body laying its bureaucratic touch or watchful eye upon my life. I AM WILLING MYSELF TO TRANSIST, TRANSFORM, and TRANSFIGURE!!! I just hope my heart, mind, and body can follow this path that my emotions plots. Only time will tell… For now, I watch the clock and breathe rhythmically to the beat of someone else’s drum to my day of freedom with high hopes and spirits that I am trying to keep flying high as if they are a kite in the rain. I am just tired of running and running… CAN’T MY SHIT JUST GET CAUGHT IN A FUCKIN’ TREE, SO I CAN REST!!!!

Taking Care of a Caretaker (For My Beloved Aunt Debra)

2005-11-25T14:48:00.000-08:00

There is so much in my Auntie's home
that reminds me of the love I've known.
Every item is a memory;
some of others, some of me...
Decades of celebration between these walls echo.
those are the times of which I can never let go.
Family, lights, Christmas tree,
Halloween, frights, and roast turkey...
Boisterous laughter filling the air
of generations that gather there...
These are the times to think of your mother
for she holds a place that belongs to no other.
I speak to my mother's sister, my aunt, YOU!!!
All I have to give are my words that ring true.
Look around your house and within your heart,
take itinerary of every part,
take a deep breath and turn off the light...
Everything is still there, just not in sight!!!
Your mother IS that light so bright
and when she goes into that dark night
she exists in what she leaves behind
and dwells in your heart, body, and mind.
Now is a time when that light must flicker
and tensions in the air will grow thicker;
a true Angel, you were born from
is preparing you for what must come.
Though her body does not want to die,
her heart and soul doesn't want you to cry
or feel lost in pain, sorrow, and strife.
Grandma lived a full and happy life!
All she really will lose is her hurt and pain...
her fatigue and ailments are what is slain!
She lives forever in those she adores
and there is a peice of her in all of our cores.
We all are good people, with her love and her grace...
I see it all the time within YOUR sweet face.
Sweet Aunt Debrah, no one ever dies,
especially when they are seen within your bright eyes!
I know it is hard to see Grandma through
a time such as this, but what can you do???
You have ALWAYS done what was needed;
in the face of fire, YOU WERE NEVER DEFEATED!
You loved me and my sister when you had no kids of your own
and you will reap that harvest now that we are grown.
I love you with no end, limit, or condition!
Love and acceptance is a family tradition
that was started from none other
than the beautiful person known as your mother!
Look in the mirror and you can see the trace
of Grandma written all over your face!

Star Troopers

2005-11-22T07:13:00.000-08:00

In the distance they shine, glimmer, and gleam.
They hang from the Heaven's, an elite removed team.
They believe the planets revolve around their glow,
failing to realize you reap what you sow.
Your light must be bright and life giving
to be the center of an orbit of the living.
Stars they are or fancy to be,
yet they are full of gas and self-absorbed completely
held in tact by zero gravitational force...
Tug on one slightly and it falls, dramatically of course!
Imagine the fear when a star topples from grace,
pulled down to earth from a once lofty space.
Ones who looked up, must now look straight in the eye
all of their illusions as they curl up and die.
Self-polished Gods dethroned and made mortal,
somehow fell down and phased through the portal
to a place that they fear was sheer hell;
they've fallen from grace to where real humans dwell.
Ones who knew everything, now everything knows who
truly doesn't know what they should do.
Ones who feel nothing, or so they try to make us believe,
come face to face with emotion and have no reprieve.
They tear, kick, and bite those that are near
to outlet the pain, frustration and fear
of losing control and that comfortable space,
high above everyone in that safe lofty place.
Now comes the test of how God-like they really are.
Will they fade from sight, yet another fallen star?
Will they say in the end
words their actions don't reflect?
Will they try to mend
the indifference they protect?
Will they make the first move
to retract the stone that they threw?
Will they try to prove
something they never knew?
Or will they sit alone, silent, and still...
in an emptiness they can't ever fill?
The only good that can rise
from a helpless fallen star
is that they may realize
how truly loving we are.
Though they expose their true identity,
we have our own little piece of serenity
in knowing ourselves as the people we are:
the people strong enough to carry a poor fallen star.
As we carry the fallen in their disgrace
we must also tend the emergency we face
of stoking the flames of the truest Sun
and caring for the star that gave life to everyone.

The Ride of Your Life

2005-11-21T22:21:00.000-08:00

Life is a River, it goes where it flows.
So, be a life liver and row where you go.
The only thing given is this thing we call livin’
so be willin to be thankful for life and be driven.
Memories and dreams make up the scene:
what you saw and what you wish you had seen.
But, there ‘s no use in tryin’ or even in cryin’;
we can’t hold the hand of the clock as we’re dyin’
The River gets rough, sometimes you get tough.
Ignore the stuff that implies you aren’t good enough.
Hold on tighter when the water gets whiter.
Battling the current only makes you a great fighter.
But, you’ll stay afloat if you don’t rock the boat.
The tides come in gently and then they rush out.
Most tears and most laughter begin with a shout.
The beat we keep best is the one in our chest,
as long as our hearts can withstand the test
of living a life we know we aren’t meant to own
and bein’ for reasons we know that can not be known.
We know where the River bends by the message it sends
Life is one River, but it has many ends.
We flow into a great big sea.
We know not where we will be.
Fight the flow and keep the light aglow
Churning burning, a lesson for learning
how will earning decrease your yearning?
Don’t make that mistake in the paths that you take.
Enjoy the ride, enjoy the fight, and never let yourself be caught in the wake.

Shadows

2005-11-17T23:01:00.000-08:00

They look like someone I thought I knew.
Their manner, shape, and movements too.
But, their words are dark and cold
in a beligerence so blunt and bold.
They must hide behind my loved one,
beyond the reach of the brightest sun
hidden behind love and grace,
hidden behind a familiar face.
Their tongues fork when they speak
their written words, so dark and bleak
stealing the glimmer from my eye,
grounding my spirit that wants to fly.
They chip away at my Soul
for trying to steal it is their goal.
One mustn't place value in their deeds
for to do so surely recedes
who you are and leaves the scar
of the SHADOWS that they are.

The Rose of the Garden

2005-11-14T12:28:00.000-08:00

The following is a tribute to my beloved grandmother that is currently bedridden in a hospital in Florida; I feel helpless and there is absolutely nothing I can do, but sit here and hope/pray for a miracle... This poem is a tribute to the life of a wonderful woman who pioneered a new way of spreading love throughout a family; my grandmother, Nancy Diehl, is a woman of grace and undying love that has kept our family together more than we shall ever know. It is said that the most beautiful blossom has roots that run deep into the compost and mud. My grandmother had a hard life, but is the most beautiful and gentle soul that I know because of it. I wish I could be more like her. She is strong, yet unhardened by life. She is wise and caring without being domineering. She is a bright light and beacon to anyone who knew her; the world shall mourn when that light goes out.

The Rose of the Garden

Sunlight falls upon a rose
in the garden within my heart.
I sit and gaze at her beauty
for she clearly stands apart.
Her roots run deep within the soil;
her thorny stem rises above its earthy bed.
The Rose’s leafy garment catches the light.
The blossom’s petals crest deeply red.
This Rose is special to me
for she was the first one to grow.
Her seeds have spread so quickly
that there are so many Roses to show.
Nancy Diehl is this Rose
I speak of and call by name.
For she and this Rose, I tell you,
are very much the same.
Nancy’s roots deeply run
to a farm where chickens played.
Her father, Oscar, was a hard-working man.
Her mother’s acquaintance was never made.
As we move from her roots,
circumstance by which she was born,
we know that upon her thorny stem
her unknown mother is her first thorn.
The stem of this Rose marks in Life
the trying times she lived through.
Her childhood may have had many sharp thorns,
but, they also guided her too.
These thorns led her from Martha to Martha,
from stepmother to best friend she puts on a shelf.
For it was with her in Louisville, Kentucky,
she gained independence and found herself.
From this point, she branches and grows
her leaves to catch the light.
A new life of joy and pleasures,
instead of cold dreadful nights.
Call each leaf a pleasure
or hobby that Nancy created.
The “talkie” star Tex Ritter was one
even though his movies were berated.
Another leaf is Al Joelson
saying, “Mammy!” across the movie set.
Tom the Chicken is another leaf
for he was Nancy’s favorite pet.
Upon this strong stalk is another branch;
a special branch with its own side
adorned with five rosebuds upon it,
I call this branch Clyde.
Nancy had met him dancing
at an NCO club in Fort Knox.
She had caught his eye two nights before.
Nancy sure was a fox!
Their first date was on her birthday.
How ironic this all seems.
She nabbed and married cocky ol’ Clyde
and began fulfilling her dreams.
Those five beautiful buds upon that branch
are the overflowing of Nancy’s cup;
Tony, Karen, and Patty…
Deb and Eddie… who we call “Gup”.
Each bud is a special color
portraying their talents and their pros.
Each one is a living and brilliant tribute
to this wonderful mother rose.
And now we gather in the garden,
all of your roses and seedlings too,
to show how much we adore and respect
such a wonderful person like you.
For without YOU, this ground be barren,
empty and dead in strife,
but as you can see, there is seven decades of growth…
a living celebration of YOUR LIFE!

We all love you beyond expression, Grandma! The world is a better place for just having you in it.

My letter of recommendation from the Rickster

2005-11-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

I am writing in support of (my name) to the PhD program in psychology at (School's name). James, as we call him, has never been a student in any class I have taught, and I have more of a personal relationship with him than a student-teacher relationship. However, I am more able than anyone else to evaluate and comment on his educational accomplishments, his intellectual ability, and his academic promises. I have known James for more than ten years, and have been his mentor and informal advisor for academic matters throughout this time.

Shortly after I met James, I encouraged him to attend Bucks County Community College, a I recognized that he was exceptionally bright and needed to get started on the college track. After an outstanding performance there, for which he received impressive accolades from his instructors, I encouraged him to apply to Muhlenberg College, a college for which I have a great deal of respect. Again, he did exceptionally well, and I heard many enthusiastic comments and high praise from several of his instructors. He even received the only perfect score ever acheived in one very difficult biology course.

James wants to continue his studies in psychology and earn a PhD., a lan that I not only enthusiastically support, but very strongly encourage him in. I have never met anyone more suited to an academic discipline than James is to psychology. He has an extraordinary intuitive connection to people and a remarkable insight into understanding and relating to them. He is exceptionally enthusiastic about pursuing and academic career in psychology. My field is not psychology, I am an applied mathematician and my research is in mathematical biology, but I am confident without a shadow of a doubt that psychology is the perfect discipline for James to pursue. I witnessed first-hand the enthusiasm he showed for the psychology courses he took at Bucks County Community College and Muhlenberg College, and I saw how well he did in every one of these. James has great potential for being an outstanding member of the psychology profession.

There are many additional indications of James' intellectual strength and potential for sucess in a graduate program. He writes extremely well, at a level that places him among the best I have ever seen in a student. He has written a large body of poetry over the years, as well as short stories, and while I am not qualified to critique them, they are deeply moving, exceptionally insightful, and extremely well written. James is very talented musically, and this has been recognized and encouraged by his music teachers throughout his primary and secondary schooling, and his artistic talent has won him statewide recognition in major competitions. James is very well read, with strong intellectual curiousity. Finally he is exceptionally pleasant- a real people person- which may not be so important for someone applying for graduate studies in mathematics, but which I expect is a real asset for a fututre PhD in psychology.

While I am recommending James to you, not as one of his teachers, but, as someone who knows him in a more personal way, I recognize that it is my responsibility to him not to encourage him in a pursuit such as this unless I am thoroughly convinced that he is eminently qualified, and that as an academic it is my responsibility to help you evaluate your candidates accurately so that you can fill your program with the best students possible. I have been a professor at (school name) for over 30 years, where I have also served as chairman of the mathematics department. During this time, I have taught numerous outstanding undergraduate and graduate students. I have been the dissertation advisor to many graduate students, who no occupy positions at various universities, as well as at prominent research facilities such as the Mayo Clinic and the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. I am a graduate of Brown University, have a master's degree from Princeton University, and received my PhD in applied mathematics from Brown. It is with this background and experience that I write to urge you to consider James' application favorably. James would benefit greatly from being a graduate student in psychology at (school's name) , he would be an asset to your program, and I am completely confident that you would be very pleased to have him as a student.

Very truly yours,

(The Rickster's real name)

Temporal Dilemma

2005-11-08T09:19:00.000-08:00

Channel me a mystery
forelorn in sovereign grace.
Let the tick tock of my heart
quicken and thicken its pace.
Fortitude and solitude I do now need
to recede the ill-grown seed of the words I bleed.
Grey is the day that tries to slay
the flower from my hand.
Try to stay the price we pay
for existing upon this land.
The smooth plains under rains
rear up to a jagged range,
though we strain in all our pain
to name the normal strange.
If the clock cannot stop
then let it appear to
and face its hands away.
Then time may drop
the pull of skin and sinew
and forever young we'll stay.

Lightening Up

2005-11-06T13:23:00.000-08:00

After my bout with the darkness within me, I can say I feel better to pour out my heart and find that it still beats in my chest. I am happy once again. Time is relative; whenever I feel that my life is ticking away, each second is another diamond turned to dust- a fantastic loss! But, as I said, time is relative... A second is a second and I can not do ANYTHING right now that is not regimented. I must make the most of whatever I am allowed to do while under the lock and kkey of a political system that sees me as nothing but a mere number; I can scream, "I AM HUMAN!!! I AM A REAL PERSON!!!" The fact remains that the political structure is not, and I waste my breath with utterances and noises that do not calculate to words in a political confine. Time to lighten up... Sit back, relax, and waste some time. After all, next Saturday, I take my GRE subject test; I will fail it miserably. Then, it is a small leap to Thanksgiving. After that is shopping season, which I can do by internet and whip out the old credit card and one-you-three-for-me my way to Christmas day. After Christmas, is visitation by family members. Then I am less than a month away from freedom and it is time to do my planning... I am ready to start the shit!!! So, in symbolism of my lightening up... I am reverting to my natural self! I am going back to blonde... Yes, I sit here with the chemicals drying out my already thinning fishing line hair as I write this, turning lighter by the moment. Soon, I will be closer to what I am supposedto be. At least I know I can go black and come back kickin'... Cheers to me and all my crew. (And then I end up with green hair.... LMAO!!!)

Censorship

2005-11-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I had to take off my previous blog because I was editted; my wonderful housemate read my blog, realized there was "identifying material in that BLOG!!!!" and made me erase it.... CENSORSHIP at its best! But, I can see where he wouldn''t want to be associated with what I write... After all, it is Virtual Madness Unleashed! LMAO!!!!!

Taking off the mask...

2005-11-02T12:40:00.001-08:00

Well, Halloween is over and everyone must revert back to the normal existence of being who they are; for some of us that is a good thing, for others it isn't that fun, and for me it is a very odd experience. All in all, I have an incredible memory. However, I can not seem to remember too much about myself when I compare it to the banks of memories I have about my sister, my parents, or any other member of my family that I was around often.
Novemeber is six months after my birthday, or the retro equinox of my being, which means it is my greatest time of reflection. (Yes, Roo, yours is in September... funny isn't it!? Been thinkin' about your life alot lately???LOL ) I am now confronted with my memories and feelings towards myself. Don't get me wrong, it is NOT a bad thing! My recollection of myself is very fragmented, making me wonder more about myself. My childhood was not a smooth one. My mother just visited and I mentioned what I wnted to do and she seemed upset by the notion a little; that made me feel a bit funny. All I said was that I was thinking of contacting Dr. Ernest Fruge' and Christine Adams, my child psychologists in Houston, TX. I want my childhood records and any other records that I may be mentioned in; being in the field of Psychology, it is no large task for me to do so. But, the reactiojn of my mother was uncanny, to say the least. She asked me why I would want to do that. I told her, "Well, given my education I think it would give me alot of insight into myself." My mother, being the wonderful lay she is, volunteered some information. She said that I always felt threatened as a child, that I did not trust anyone including her. She said that I drew pictures of my family with everyone standing next to eachother and me over to the right in the form of a dog with a human head. I was absolutely floored by that! In my past, I have described my rolein the family as that of a dog, or a beast of burden, or even a neglected showdog... everyone's favorite when I was in the limelight of a social event, yet completely left in the kennel when not. I listened to her tell me things about myself that I guess I already knew deep down inside, but never engaged. As a psychology student approaching grad school, I can see a little more than the lay person. So, this tidbit of information made me more determined to find more pieces of my undisclosed biography. I ended up finding Dr. Ernest Fruge' with no problem what-so-ever. He even vaguely remembered me. It was interesting to see the workings of two psychology-oriented people speak; it was a fluent and meaningful conversation. I was analyzing him while he was analyzing me! It was neat! He asked me how I was doing and was surprised to see how well I am... I was like HUH??? He said that HE actually would worry about me and it used to make him question his professional detachment ability. He was deeply affected by my "talented and expressive way of conveying my emotions and thoughts". He admitted that he was almost sure that I would end up killing myself or someone else if I didn't find some outlet or peace in my life. I thought that was rather brazen of him to admit, but he isn't practicing privately anymore. He now works for Baylor School of Medicine in Houston, TX. He helps people deal with cancer-related tragedies and helping families cope with diagnosises.
He seemed very impressed with my aspirations and recognized the accomplishments that I achieved. It felt good to see that someone who actually understood psychology-based academics lingo. Long story- short, he is going to find my information and mail it to me pronto! I was exhilirated!!! He also told me that if I contact Chrisine Adams, his wife, that I can get any historical documentation where I am mentioned; I knew that I had rights to my personal records, but I didn't know that Texas law allows me to see any records where I am directly referred to... I was flabbergasted at his efficiency and willingness to help me. So, now I will not only get my own records, but any records that may deal with me as a child. What that equates to is: I will get to see a psychologists view of me and my situation at the time, with the bonus of being able to review insights from my parents' perspectives and personal views of me and themselves. Being a psychology major, I can read these documents with ease and interpret them much like my sister can with medical lingo. So, I am excited!!! I really hope that this information allows me the opportunity to fill in some of the emotional blanks that I have in my memory and in my life. After all, knowing one's self is knowing everything you really need to know!

Talking to Animals...

2005-10-30T23:31:00.000-08:00

Every Catholic knows from CCD that St. Francis of Assisi was the famous monk that was sent into exile and developed the ability to communicate with animals... what you might know is that he was the FIRST person to develop STIGMATA!!! Well, here is his history:

Saint Francis of Assisi
Early in the 13th century, Pope Innocent III commissioned the Lateran Counsel to put in place new reforms. At the time, the Church was becoming increasingly wealthy. Priests lived in lavish monasteries and dressed in expensive clothing. Yet there was a backlash against such luxury. In particular, Jesus had mentioned that "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." How could the Church, and even the merchants who were growing exceedingly wealthy, reconcile such discrepancies?It was during this climate that Francis of Assisi began preaching his doctrine of love and poverty. Francis was born in 1182 to a wealthy merchant. In 1201, he joined a military expedition against Perugia and was held for a year as a prisoner of war. When he was released, he spent much time contemplating what he should do with his life. His quest took him to the Church of San Damian where he had his first vision - the crucifix pointed at him and a voice said. "Go, Francis, and repair my house, which as you see is falling into ruin." Startled, he took it to mean literally the church he was in and soon changed his life. To the horror of Francis' father, Pietro, rather than joining the family business and becoming a merchant, Francis committed to a life of poverty and gave away all his possessions. It got so bad that Pietro sued him for fear he'd give away everything. Francis took the opportunity to sever ties with his father and soon began preaching. Francis acquired 12 followers and went to Pope Innocent III for permission to start a new Order devoted to a life of poverty. Initially, the Pope dismissed them, but that night, he had a dream of the Church collapsing and Francis holding it up. He gave them permission for the new Order and the Franciscans were born. An ascetic bunch, the Franciscans could not hold property. They went from place to place working and begging for food without aim or direction. Francis brought a new perspective to Christianity through his preaching. While his core message was love of God and one another, he also preached that the world was an emanation of God and inherently good. This was in starch opposition to the prominent theology of Augustine, who believed Christians should renounce the world. He was also the first to preach about Jesus in the manger, the helpless infant that we could identify with and love rather than fear.Eventually, Francis' own Order turned against him and he retreated to Mount Verna to live a life of solitude. On September 14, 1224, Francis received the first recorded stigmata, the wounds of Christ in his hands, feet, and on his side.

The most dangerous thing in the World is pure ignorance...

2005-10-30T23:15:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, you run into someone that blindly follows an idea that they truly do not understand; these people use the self-manipulated "understanding" they have as a crutch to finally foster some type of positive self-concept when they spent most of their life hearing the obvious, that they were plain stupid... These people will NOT let go of the first thing that ever made them feel equal to the rest of us... I'm sure you know one. The whole world is crazy, not them... They NEED their illusion to feel equal, JUST EQUAL!!! Sooner or later the illusion begins to fade and they have to try pushing it on someone to reaffirm and bring it back to life... much like a bullied person bullies another or a drug addict needs another fix, just a larger dose... I WANT TO SMACK THESE PEOPLE!!! But, I also know that as a rule of sociology, culture is not parallel... many cultures can exist at the same time and be of different technological levels of advancement... Yeah... We smart people have to live and put up with all you dipshits! Us Democrats have to put up with you republicans! We spiritual people must put up with you religious shells of a human... etc... But, it doesn't stop there... Stipidity is a global epidemic, especially among the underevolved...
The Difference Between Traditional Healers and Witchcraft in Africa
Journalist Bamuturaki Musinguzi recently talked to Dr. Nelson Musoba, a programme consultant with the Private-Public Partnership in Health (PPPH), about the African government's decision to regulate and protect traditional healers. Because community members often see a traditional healer before they seek out medical treatments, the government has decided to train and educate these healers on safe and sanitary medical best practices. The problem is that traditional healers are often mistaken as practicing witchcraft and victimized and/or killed so they're taking preventitive action to distance these healers from witches. Here's a lengthy example:
What is the difference between witchcraft and traditional healers and how will the law draw the boundaries? Witchcraft is a very negative practice and concentrates on doing bad to a person while traditional and complimentary medicine looks at bringing good health to an individual.There is the Witchcraft Act, which spells out clearly how the trade should be dealt with.The draft policy lays down who a traditional healer is, the accreditation, licensing, control, regulation and how one gets into healing. And the purpose of the policy really is to ensure that a statutory council comes into place so that it is able to stamp out the current bad practices of human sacrifices and mutilation, many of which we get to know of from the media.Why is it that witchcraft has painted the entire practice as evil? It is common that negative things are over pronounced and one bad thing will destroy all the good done and that is why witchcraft has taken a large share of the bad advisement of the industry.There are many good things that healers do but they may not have been very strategic in marketing themselves because it is believed that over 60 percent of the population will either contact healers as the first point before going to a health facility or resort to them when they have failed to get a cure from the health facility. And if indeed the practice were bad, then we would not be having such a large number of the population relying on traditional healers.How is the government going to bring traditional medicine on board the main health delivery systems? First of all, the traditional healers are found in the communities so they can be trained on methods of hygiene, used as conduits of other community health programmes (pass on messages that do not need a high level technical knowledge), offer safe practice and discourage them from things that endanger health.The intention to work with traditional healers is both to strengthen them in what they are doing and also to get them to work on the government programmes.

Now, I'm a SATANIST!!!!

2005-10-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, for all you Readers just tuning in, I was just accused of being "satanic and unclean" by a blog reader... Let us go to a transcript, because I deleted her comment...

Stupid bitch: You should be ashamed for posting Devil worship on the internet... Your whole blog is trash and EVIL!!!

My response: Whoa Nelly! Did they hold you under the river a bit to long??? First, this is MY blog and it is exactly what it is named... VIRTUAL MADNESS UNLEASHED... put simply, for you Barney sized vocabulary, it is what I think about... I Actually happen to be a Christian and could probably teach YOU more about Jesus and God than a lifetime of thumpin' your Gideon!!! Back off, Lady!

Stupid bitch: People like you only know historical information about the Lord and Savior. YOU don't know DIDLEY about his walk and his reasons!!! You are a wolf in sheep's skin and your mind is satanic and unclean...

My response: I will address the History vs. Spirit of Christ in my next blog, I will even put your dumb ass right in it... I will spare you the embarrassment of putting your name in though. However, I can assure you a)I know a great deal about everything! b) I do know Didley... His first name is Bo and he plays pro football and baseball... c) I am a wolf in wolf's skin, you sheep are just too stupid to recognize when someone is intellectually superior to you... WE ALL LOOK LIKE SHEEP EVEN AS WE DEVOUR YOUR STUPID ASS!!! LOL!!! NOW, go with God, Honey, please go with God!!! (Why are you reading my blog anyway??? Ohhhhhh..... I get! OH MISSY!!! You better take your hand outta there and stop twiddlin'!!! Didn't ya know you'd go BLIND!!!!! Voyeurism is sick and twisted!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!)
It appears she was the type of "lady" who would scan other people's blogs and get off on their pics and whatever things they put out there... I haven't hear back from her since I called her on this... I bet SHE is the one that kept asking me to post a pic... PERVY SCURVY TWOT!!!! Now, can I get an AMEN!!!! ("AMEN! Mercy..." my black girls say with annoyed looks shakin' their heads...)

Now for my rant:
I can not fathom why you should want to separate Jesus the man, from his role as the Christ. It doesn't make sense. 'Christ' means the 'anointed one' and Jesus (the man) became anointed with holy spirit at his baptism. His role as the Christ, started then. Yet, you say that the role of the Christ didn't start until after his death and resurrection.Occasionally, I receive emails like this - why even bother taking a historical approach to the bible? It seems to be a common concern among people that aren't familiar with modern biblical scholarship, so let me say a few words about this.Why a historical approach to the Bible? There are a number of reasons.To determine who Jesus was as a person in his historical context. Jesus is an extremely important figure in Western culture, yet not much is known about him as a person. Still, that doesn't stop just about everyone from having an opinion about him - and with so many conflicting opinions, some are bound to be wrong. By looking at him from a historical perspective with all the evidence on the table, we can weed out which beliefs are more plausible and form logical conclusions about which beliefs are substantiated and which are just hot air. Biblical scholarship has come a long way within the last century, and there have been significant archaeological finds that shed light on other "Christian" sects that were eventually labeled as heretics. These groups considered themselves Christian, and engaged the early Church fathers (like Ignatius or Tertullian) in countless debates as the early roots of Christian theology were taking hold. By taking a historical perspective, we can look at what others around the time of Jesus believed about him without presupposing that they must be wrong, and therefore aren't worth looking at to learn more about Jesus. The job of the historian is to look at all evidence, not pick and choose only the "orthodox" sources. Also, Jesus was a product of his environment. He reacted to what those at the time said and did. Taking a historical perspective, we try to understand what was going on at the time and why those people might have behaved the way they did. That means looking at Roman culture, at Jewish culture, to understand what the common belief at the time was. Jesus didn't exist in a vacuum. He actively interacted with others, debated with them, and reacted to what they said and did.Yes, eventually, he became known as the "Christ" - but from a historical perspective, we look at whether he believed that himself, if he intended to preach such ideas, or if later interpreters imposed such theology upon him. From a religious perspective, that might seem silly - some might even say that if he didn't believe such things, doesn't that make all Christianity wrong? These are hard questions, and most people don't want to look at them because they may go against the very nature of their faith. Yet they are very important when looking at Christian origins and why Christianity flourished and became so influential.If we are to evaluate the New Testament based on theology, whose would we use? Think of the countless sects of Christianity that currently rely on the New Testament - Catholics, Lutherans, Baptists, Evangelicals, Presbyterians, Methodists, Christian Scientists. Mennonites, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons - you can keep going, but the point is that they all have radically different theologies yet base their beliefs on their interpretation of the New Testament. If you were to take a "theological" approach to the bible, whose would you choose? So much of our modern theology is based on the debates of countless Church fathers over the last 2 millennium. From the first to the fourth centuries when Christianity was in its beginning stages, countless writers debated what Jesus or Paul meant. There were no creeds that reiterated the Christian faith in a few verses. Heck, there wasn't even the "New Testament" - some letters did circulate through the area, but certainly not the 26 books we think of as the New Testament. And other letters - ones that didn't make it into the New Testament but claimed to be the teachings of Jesus or one of the apostles - were circulating with them. During this formative period, much of the theology we now take for granted became "orthodox" while those that opposed it became "heretics." It wasn't a cut and dry phenomena - everyone claimed, as people still do now, that they were right in their understanding of Jesus' teachings.By presupposing our own beliefs, we can't be objective.Very often, if you start out with a bias, you end up finding exactly what you were looking for. It's human nature. You start interpreting things in light of your belief because you don't want to be wrong. When you take a historical perspective, you don't presuppose any religious belief. This doesn't mean that you have to disbelieve - of course, you will have your own beliefs - but you will let the evidence speak for itself rather than interjecting your own beliefs into your research methodologies. Of course, once you understand the evidence, it will be up to you to interpret it how you see fit. Elaine Pagels, a famous religious studies professor at Princeton, once wrote the following about her own personal journey to understand Christian origins during grad school. Her belief was that by going back and looking at Christians, she'd uncover the "real Christianity" of the first century.
What I did not find in the process of this research was what I had started out to find - a "golden age" of purer and simpler Christianity. What I discovered instead is that the "real Christianity" - so far as historical investigation can disclose it - was not monolithic, or the province of one party or another, but included a variety of voices, and an extraordinary range of viewpoints, even among the saints (witness Augustine and Chrysostom!), as well as among those denounced as heretics, from Valentinus to Julian, and even as we have seen, within the New Testament writings themselves. From a strictly historical point of view, then, there is no single "real Christianity."... I came to realize that using historical means to explore the origins of Christianity most often does not solve religious questions but can offer new perspectives upon these questions. - Adam, Eve, and the Serpent
I think this sums up things nicely - your own understanding probably will change as you read extremely well thought out debates between bitter opponents, each arguing their point of view was right. These debates - which we take for granted now that the "orthodox" beliefs are established - often took years and years to resolve, crystallize, and become accepted as official doctrine. Now, we can look back on them and see why they might have thought such things, how their opponents countered, what was going on in the political and cultural environment that might make them say such things, and ultimately, who won.
(TO THE BITCH THAT THINKS DANCE MACABRE IS A STRAIN OF CORN, Here is one of my fav quotes:

Tell me I'M A SINNER?
I got news for YOU!
I spoke to God this morning
and he DON'T LIKE YOU!
Telling all the people the original Sin,
He says HE knows YOU better than you'll ever know HIM!!!
(By the way, that was from OZZY OSBOURNE, now clutch your pearls and pray!)

My Precious knows...

2005-10-30T22:33:00.000-08:00

What is Evil - the age old question asked and debated through the millennia. Cultures use the term for inhuman acts that personally happen against them and who they know. Evil is 'pain' - the suffering that life brings. In Western societies, evil was perceived of as a force, and then personified into beings such as Satan, demons, etc.The Russian novelist Feodor Dostoevsky writes of acts of extreme in his book "The Brothers Karamazov" to make a point about how inhumane humans can treat other people.
"Imagine a trembling mother with her baby in her arms, a circle of invading Turks around her. They've planned a diversion; they pet the baby, laugh to make it laugh. They succeed, the baby laughs. At that moment a Turk points a pistol four inches from the baby's face. The baby laughs with glee, holds out its little hands to the pistol, and he pulls the trigger in the baby's face and blows out its brains. Artistic, wasn't it?... I think that if the Devil doesn't exist, but man created him, he has created him in his own image and likeness."- The Brothers Karamazov, chap 35I'm sure you can think of numerous other war crimes and cruelties you've heard - suicide bombings, terrorist attacks, the holocaust, the witch trials, crucifixion, serial murder, rapes, impaling the heads of victims prominently for all to see, cutting off limbs, etc. That inhumane experience - the horror and disbelief of the personal account of how one victim suffered the way he/she did, and the personal understanding that it could have happened to you, a friend, or family member if in the wrong place at the wrong time - is what most call 'evil.' It can be physical pain, or emotional anguish, but the general theme is universal - from a personal account of 'evil' extrapolated to a generality. Using 9/11 as an example, a horrendous act of terrorism by Muslim extremists that lead to the death of 2000+ Americans is extrapolated to fear of any Muslim or anyone from the Middle East. And that fear doesn't die down - we're on 'orange' alert on the terrorism scale for the holidays with people warning not to go to Times Square or Vegas or wherever for fear of another attack. Listening to our President talk, we're the good guys - the innocent, hardworking citizens - while the terrorists are evil and trying to destroy all we worked for. Like the holocaust, however, one day the next generation - the ones who didn't live through 9/11 - will look back and ask what it was like. The atrocities of each personal account we heard will be lost to the generality of it all. Two planes brought down the World Trade Center and 2000+ Americans died. They won't understand the sheer shock of receiving a call or turning on the news to learn what happened. They won't understand the immediate concern/fear/anxiety for a friend or loved one who happened to be in the area at the time and had no way of getting in touch with them. It's very similar to how we now perceive the Holocaust. We don't really understand until we read say Anne Frank's diary, watch Schindler's List, or flip through photographs of Jews led into concentration camps or mass graves. We need that personal connection - those personal accounts of what one child went through or how one family was reunited or of the tragic loss of a mother who worked on the 90th floor of tower 2. We need those accounts of how a husband on the plane that crashed near Pittsburgh called up his wife to tell her he loved her and that he probably wouldn't see her again because they were going to try to fight back. These are all acts of 'evil' against us, but 'evil' is also something that we can do to another. I was reading Psychology Today, and one of the articles as on secret emotions we kept to ourselves - those inner thoughts that we don't reveal to anyone - wishing aging relatives would just hurry up and die, feeling jealous when a friend/loved one gets a promotion or happy when they are demoted, feeling uncomfortable around the disable, being the first to say 'I told you so, you had it coming,' having adulterous thoughts, etc. While at this stage, of course, these are still just in our heads and we haven't acted up them, but even at this stage, these inner 'bad thoughts' tend to cause much guilt and anxiety about why we think about them. Occasionally, we might commit the act - saying something we shouldn't and can't take back, cheating on our significant others, lying about taxes, embezzling money from our company, deliberately sabotaging someone we know... Sometimes 'evil' is deliberately malicious, while other times, it is done out of weakness or rationalization (ie I lash out at you because you've touched upon a sensitive issue). There are also natural 'evils' such as the recent earthquake that killed 20,000+ people in Iran or diseases like cancer. Think of how many innocent people died in fires, volcanic explosions, earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes, etc. How many more die of cancer, AIDS, the flu, and other various ailments?
Continuing in this line of thought, what makes someone evil? One paradigm that is often applied to say, serial killers, mass murderers, and the like is of course the nature vs. nurture debate - was he born that way and just acting in accordance with his nature, it's genetic, or something instinctual that is guiding his species to destroy itself... Or did something happen in childhood to perhaps teach him that life doesn't have value? Maybe it was his upbringing, his environment, the way peers responded to him. Or perhaps, moving into modern psychology, both nature and nurture may promote certain behaviors, but they are not, themselves, the cause. 'Evil' may arise from repression of a destructive feeling that eventually eats away at you until you lash out. I may say something that really gets to you. You then may want to hit me in anger. You can choose either to take a swing, or consciously repress that urge. Jungians have argued that as an individual develops, his good and evil sides tend to differentiate themselves - a very good example of this might be the Smeagol/Gollum personalities so clearly demonstrated in Lord of the Rings. Smeagol represents the good part - the hobbit who wants to remain loyal to his master because Frodo is kind to him. Gollum is the bad part - the side overcome by greed who wants nothing more than to get his Precious back. In healthy individuals, the two sides are recognized and reintegrated on a conscious level. Galadrial had many times thought of taking the ring by force, but refused. Her test was when Frodo offered it to her and we saw a glimpse of what could happen - "I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this. In place of a Dark Lord you would have a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morning! Treacherous as the Sea! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!" (I love that line!) In unhealthy individuals, however, the 'shadow' repressed portion grows until the urge can no longer be repressed - until Gollum gives into his desire for the ring and leads Frodo into Shelob's lair. LOTR is such a great illustration of the eternal struggle between good and evil... but I'll save that and my extreme praise for Return of the King for a different day. (Btw, if you still haven't seen it, it's amazing and well worth the price of a movie ticket!)

The NEW face of Evil

2005-10-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

According to an article posted today at WorldNetDaily, research psychiatrists have developed a "depravity rating" system to quantify just how evil someone is by the magnitude of the crimes they commit. No longer is evil a subjective, moral term.
"People say evil is like pornography - they know it when they see it, but can debate whether or when it is harmful," Dr. Michael Welner, a forensic psychiatrist and professor at New York University, told the London Telegraph. "This is not true. We are finding widespread agreement about what is evil."
Welner believes there needs to be defined boundaries for what is considered acceptible and with his scale, jurors will now have a framework beyond their emotions to determine who deserves what sentence.
Welner's depravity scale is based on contributions of thousands of people who contributed their understanding of evil to a website. Aggravating-factor scores reflect criminals' intent, action and attitude. Those committing crimes for excitement or to terrorize or as a result of prejudice would be measured as having a more depraved intent.
Apparently, Welner isn't alone. Dr. Michael Stone, professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, has developed his own scale - 22 "gradations of evil" - based on 500 killers.
Stone's depravity scale ranges from the least evil - those who kill in self-defense - to the most evil - "psychopathic torture murderers, with torture their primary motive." Factors such as a history of having been abused, being a jealous lover or showing remorse are factored into the scoring.

Pre-school and Puppers Prenumpts...

2005-10-30T22:30:00.000-08:00

Toddlers Married to Puppies to Ward Off Evil!!!!???
This article was a bit bizarre. I'd be interested to learn more about the ritual.
Two small boys and two girls were married off to four puppies by tribal villagers in Jharkhand to ward off 'evil', a report said yesterday.Local officials in Kuluptang village in Jharkhand said the 'kukur vibaha' or dogs' marriages, were organised on the last day of a local tribal festival, PTI said.One of the tribals, 54-year-old Sonamuni, who blessed the marriage of her three-year-old grand-daughter Priya, said the wedding was no less important than other such ceremonies and all customs normally associated with marriage were followed.The mother of 'groom' Durga, aged one, said that if the first tooth of a baby came out in the upper jaw it was considered 'inauspicious' for the child as well as the family and dog marriages had to be performed. After a bath, the children are taken to a place of worship in a procession accompanied by a band.

Jethro, the baby Jesus is gonna school YOU!!!!!

2005-10-30T22:24:00.000-08:00

I could not believe it when I heard that for $250.00 you could learn about Evil from the experts; the Vatican was starting a course on Satanism and the Occult. Widely accepted signs of possession some of which were depicted in the 1973 movie, "The Exorcist" include speaking in unknown tongues and demonstrating physical force beyond one's natural capacity. In 1999, when the Vatican issued its first new guidelines since 1614 for driving out devils, it urged priests to take modern psychiatry into account in deciding who should be exorcised.The updated exorcism rite, contained in a red, leather-bound book, was a reflection of Pope John Paul II's efforts to convince the skeptical that the devil is very much in the world. At the time, he gave a series of homilies denouncing the devil as a "cosmic liar and murderer."
Of course you can guess that according to the Vatican, all interactions with "the occult and the esoteric" are extremely dangerous.There seem to be a number of occult related killings over in Italy in the news right now. The article continues
The class debuts as an Italian court prepares to try eight people believed to belong to a Satanic sect for their alleged role in three ritual killings. Sect members belonged to a heavy metal band called "Beasts of Satan."One of the victims was a 19-year-old stabbed to death in 1998. She may have been targeted because her killers believed she was a personification of the Virgin Mary, prosecutors allege. Another victim was shot last year and buried alive.
Though ritual murder has had a number of popular stories in the news recently. The "vampire" case in Toronto just ended in a mistrial yesterday because one of the prime witnesses may have committed perjury when she denied her interest in vampires. There was quite an interesting article in the Toronto Star today related to the case about how people create online personas that differ from their real live personality... and how in this case, delving into fantasy realms online can come back to bite (pun intended) you.Last month, there was the trial of "Jodi's Killer," Luke Mitchell, who may have been inspired by Marilyn Manson to commit the gruesome deed in a style similar to the "Black Dahlia" murder of 1940s Hollywood actress Elizabeth Short. Mitchell, who killed his girlfriend when they were both 14, was recently sentenced to 20 years behind bars and will now try to appeal the verdict. Marilyn Manson has recently spoken out to distance himself from the crime.Update (2/21): The Satanic band accused of murder in Italy started their trial today.

Information, please... Yes, I'd like Satan's number...

2005-10-30T22:20:00.000-08:00

666 or 616 - Which is the Real Number of the Beast?
So MTV is reporting that legions of metalheads might have to switch up their number of the beast - from 666 to 616 - according to a recently found manuscript of Revelation. According to the article
The recent 616 discovery, which was found in a collection of documents recovered in Egypt, isn't exactly a whole new revelation. While it dates back the furthest, other ancient manuscripts of the Book of Revelation have the number as 616 instead of 666, provoking some debate in the past as to which were the original digits. Both Greek and Hebrew letters have numeric values that can be added up to arrive at a total. One common explanation of 666 is that it comes from the numerical value of "Nero" transliterated into Hebrew letters. A small change in the transliteration can result in 616.Many scholars believe that 666 won out because it is derived from a more complex formula and also because it's simply more catchy. "Six hundred sixty-six looks like a more memorable number than 616," said David Parker, a New Testament professor at the University of Birmingham in England. "Six hundred sixty-six steadily took over, and the alternative was forgotten until modern scholars in the past 200 years started to look at more manuscripts and to find ones that had been lost."
Exactly - we've known about 616 for awhile now. In fact, there was a great essay about it back in 1999 in Bible Review called Why 2K? The Biblical Roots of Millennialism where author James Tabor explains:
In Hebrew, each of the 22 letters of the alphabet has a numerical value. A code called gematria, developed in Jewish apocalyptic and mystical circles, draws connections between two otherwise unrelated words based on the total numerical value of the letters in each word.*** Nero's name or title in Hebrew looks like this: (NRON QSR), meaning Nero Caesar. Taking the value of the Hebrew letters, N=50, R=200, O=6, N=50, Q=100, S=60, R=200, one comes up with the sum of 666. To make this identification of the beast with Nero even more convincing, it should be noted that some Greek manuscripts of Revelation give the number 616 rather than 666 - probably due to an alternative spelling of Nero as NRO rather than NRON (666 minus the final N [=50] gives 616).A similar system of gematria was common in Greek.**** For example, a bit of graffiti at Pompeii reads, "I love her whose number is 545" (letters phi-mu-epsilon in Greek, probably someone's initials).If we write Nero's title in Greek, it looks like this:-NERO CAESAR. The value of the Greek letters totals 1,332, which seems to lack significance-until one realizes that 1,332 is in fact 666 times 2. The author of Revelation is apparently signaling to the astute reader that Nero is the model of the Antichrist; since he has come and gone, however, a second "Nero" is to come-in his mind, very possibly the emperor Domitian-who will also persecute Christians. It is probably not coincidental that the Roman numerals-I (1), V (5), X (10), L (50), C (100), D (500)-also add up to 666! Rome and its most wicked emperors seem to be stamped all over these beasts of Revelation 13. In contrast, it was certainly not lost on early Christians that the gematria for the name and title "Jesus Christ" in Greek-IESOUS-adds up to 888, which in this system of thought signifies something beyond seven, or completion.

Casper in Court

2005-10-30T22:18:00.000-08:00

Ghosts in Orlando???
This is fascinating. Apparently some owners of a Japanese restaurant have filed a lawsuit saying they don't want to move into Church Street Station because it's haunted, according to the Orlando Sentinel.
Christopher and Yoko Chung were all set last year to move their popular sushi restaurant across the street into the building at 125 Church St., which once housed Lili Marlene's Aviator's Pub & Restaurant during Church Street Station's tourism heyday in the 1980s.But then they heard about the otherworldly tenants already occupying the space."There have been several documented reports from subcontractors and others of having seen ghosts or apparitions in the restaurant at night," the Chungs' attorney Lynn Franklin wrote to the building's owner in November.A subcontractor renovating the building told the Orlando Sentinel this year that workers removing a floor in the old building saw a ghostly bartender and two dancing girls reflected in a mirror late last year.
When the owners backed out of the lease, their landlord filed a $2.6 million lawsuit. The article claims they even attempted to bring in someone to do an exorcism, but that offer was rebuffed. The ghosts are rumored to have come from the Strand Hotel, which sits on the floor above the restaurant, and was an unofficial brothel.
Visitors -- San Martin included -- claim to have heard crying from the spirits of the prostitutes' illegitimate children, supposedly put to death to hide their well-to-do fathers' indiscretions. Others claim to have seen a slender man in a black coat playing a piano or reflected in a mirror."Late at night, staff members and guests alike would hear the piano playing by itself," San Martin said. When approached, the man would smile, nod and disappear.
Here's the real kicker:
In addition to seeking $2.6 million to cover 10 years of rent and damages, the owners' lawsuit asks a judge to decide whether there are ghosts in the building -- and if there are, whether they would meddle in the operation of the Chungs' sushi restaurant.Yeah. Good luck proving in court that ghosts are haunting the building.

Happy Halloween!

2005-10-30T20:59:00.000-08:00

May every Halloween nightmare come true!!!!!

The Jersey Devil

2005-10-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

The Jersey Devil, the supposed mythical creature of the New Jersey Pinelands, has haunted New Jersey and the surrounding areas for the past 260 years. This entity has been seen by over 2,000 witnesses over this period. It has terrorized towns and caused factories and schools to close down, yet many people believe that the Jersey Devil is a legend, a mythical beast, that originated from the folklore of the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Others disagree with this point of view. The following text will show there is evidence to support the existence of an animal or supernatural bring known as the Jersey Devil. The evidence consists of the stories of the Jersey Devil's origin, the sightings of it, and finally, the theories on it.

There are many different versions of the birth of the Jersey Devil. One of the most popular legends says a Mrs. Shrouds of Leeds Point, NJ made a wish that if she ever had another child, she want it to be a devil. Her next child was born misshapen and deformed. She sheltered it in the house, so the curious couldn't see him. On stormy night, the child flapped it's arms, which turned into wings, and escaped out the chimney and was never seen by the family again. A Mrs. Bowen of Leeds point said, "The Jersey Devil was born in the Shrouds house at Leeds Point." 1 Another story that also placed the birth at Leeds Point said that a young girl fell in love with a British soldier during the Revolutionary War. The people of Leeds Point cursed her. When she gave birth, she had a devil. Some people believe the birth of the devil was punishment for the mistreatment of a minister by the Leeds folk.

Another story placed the birth in Estelville, NJ. Mrs. Leeds, of Estelville, finding out she was pregnant with her 13th child, shouted,"I hope it's a devil". She got her wish. The child wad born with horns, a tail, wings, and a horse-like head. The creature revisited Mrs. Leeds everyday. She stood at her door and told it to leave. After awhile, the creature got the hint and never returned.

Burlington, NJ, also claims to be the birthplace of the Jersey Devil. In 1735, Mother Leeds was in labor on a stormy night. Gathered around her were her friends. Mother Leeds was supposedly a witch and the child's father was the devil himself. The child was born normal, but then changed form. It changed from a normal baby to a creature with hooves, a horses head, bat wings and a forked tail. It beat everyone present and flew up the chimney. It circled the villages and headed toward the pines. In 1740 a clergy exercised the devil for 100 years and it wasn't seen again until 1890.

There are many other versions of the legend. The legends say it was the 6th, 8th, 10th, 12th, or 13th child, It was born normal or deformed, and the mother confined it to the cellar or the attic. Although there are many discrepancies in all of these stories, there are 3 pieces of evidence that tie all of the legends of the Jersey Devil's origin together.

The first thing that ties the legends together is the name "Leeds". Whether the mothers name was Leeds or the birth place was Leeds Point, all of the stories include the name Leeds. Alfred Heston, the Atlantic County Historian, believes that the devil could be a Leeds or a Shrouds baby. He discovered that a Daniel Leeds opened land in Great Egg Harbor, NJ, in 1699. His family lived in Leeds Point. He also discovered a Samuel Shrouds, Sr. came to Little Egg Harbor, NJ, in 1735 and lived right across the river from the house of Mother Leeds. The 3rd fact ties in the Burlington story with the others stories. Professor Fred MacFadden of Coppin State College, Baltimore, found that a "devil" was mentioned in writings from Burlington as early as 1735. He also indicated that the word Burlington was used to was the word used to names the area from the city of Burlington to the Atlantic Ocean. This means that the name that is now used for the birthplace such as Leeds point or Estelville, could be the same place referred to in the Burlington Legend.

The origins provide some validity the existence of the Jersey Devil, but the sightings are the most substantial pieces of evidence. The sightings have been divided up into 3 time periods, pre 1909, January 16-23, 1909, and post 1909.
From the pre 1909 era, few documented records of sightings still exist. The ones that do confirm the existence of the devil.

In the early 19th century, Commodore Stephen Decatur, a naval hero, was testing cannon balls on the firing range when he saw a strange creature flying across the sky. He fired and hit the creature but it kept right on flying across the field. Joseph Bonaparte, former king of Spain and brother of Napoleon, saw the Jersey Devil in Bordentown, NJ, between 1816 and 1839 while he was hunting. In 1840-41 many sheep and chickens were killed by a creature with a piercing scream and strange tracks. In 1859-94, the Jersey Devil was seen and numerous times and reportedly carried off anything that moved in Haddonfield, Bridgeton, Smithville, Long Branch, Brigantine, and Leeds Point. W.F. Mayer of New York noticed while visiting the Pine Barrens, most of the locals would not venture out after dark. The devil was sighted by George Saarosy, A prominent business man, at the NJ/NY border. This was the last reported sighting before the turn of the century.

In 1903, Charles Skinner, author of American Myths and Legends, claimed that the legend of the devil had run it's course and that in the new century, NJ would hear no more of the devil. New Jersey rested easy with that thought for 6 years, until the week of January 16-23. 1909. During this week, the devil would leave his tracks all over South Jersey and Philadelphia. He was seen by over 1,000 people. This was his largest appearance ever.

It all started early Sunday morning, January 16, 1909. Thack Cozzens of Woodbury, NJ, saw a flying creature with glowing eyes flying down the street. In Bristol, PA, John Mcowen heard and saw the strange creature on the banks of the canal. Patrol James Sackville fired at the creature as it flew away screaming. E.W. Minister, Postmaster of Bristol, PA, also saw a bird-like creature with a horses head that had a piercing scream. When daylight came, the residents of Bristol found hoof prints in the snow. Two local trappers said they had never seen tracks like those before.

On Monday, the Lowdens of Burlington, NJ, found hoof prints in their yard and around their trash, which was half eaten. Almost every yard in Burlington had these strange hoof prints in them. The prints went up trees, went from roof to roof, disappeared in the middle of the road, and stopped in the middle of open fields. The same tracks were also found in Columbus, Hedding, Kinhora and Rancocas. A hunt was organized to follow the tracks but the dogs wouldn't follow the trail.

On the 19th the Jersey Devil made his longest appearance of the week. At 2:30 am, Mr & Mrs. Nelson Evans of Gloucester were awakened by a strange noise. They watched the devil from their window for 10 minutes. Mr. Evans described the creature they saw:

"It was about three feet and half high, with a head like a collie dog and
a face like a horse. It had a long neck, wings about two feet long, and
its back legs were like those of a crane, and it had horse's hooves.
It walked on its back legs and held up two short front legs with paws
on them. It didn't use the front legs at all while we were watching.
My wife and I were scared, I tell you, but I managed to open the
window and say, 'Shoo', and it turned around barked at me, and flew away."

Tuesday afternoon 2 professional hunters tracked the devil for 20 miles in Gloucester. The trail jumped 5 foot fences and went under 8 inch spaces. The hoof prints were found in more parts of South Jersey. A group of observers in Camden, NJ, saw the devil. It barked at them and then took off into the air.
The next day, a Burlington police officer and the Reverend John Pursell of Pemberton saw the Jersey Devil. Rev. Pursell said, "Never saw anything like it before". Posses in Haddonfield found tracks that ended abruptly. In Collingswood, NJ, a posse watched the devil fly off toward Moorestown. Near Moorestown, John Smith of Maple Shade saw the devil at the Mount Carmel Cemetery. George Snyder saw the devil right after Mr. Smith and their descriptions were identical. In Riverside, NJ, hoof prints were found on roof tops and also around a dead puppy.
On Thursday, the Jersey Devil was seen by the Black Hawk Social Club. He was also seen by a trolley full of people in Clementon as it circled above them. The witnesses descriptions matched others from the days before. In Trenton, Councilman E.P. Weeden heard the flapping of wings and then found hoof prints outside his door. The prints were also found at the arsenal in Trenton. As the day wore on the Trolleys in Trenton and New Brunswick had armed drivers to ward off attacks. The people in Pitman filled churches. Chickens had been missing all week throughout the Delaware Valley, but when the farmers checked their yards that day, they found their chickens dead, with no marks on them. The West Collingswood Fire Department fired their hose at the devil. The devil retreated at first, but then charged and flew away at the last second.
Later that night, Mrs. Sorbinski of Camden heard a commotion in her yard. She opened the door to see the Jersey Devil standing there with her dog in it's grip. She hit the devil with a broom until it let go of her dog and flew away. She started screaming until her neighbors came over. Two police officers arrived at her house where over 100 people had gathered. The crowd heard a scream coming from Kaigan Hill. The mob ran toward the creature on the hill. The Policed shot at it and the devil flew off into the night. The streets of Camden were empty after this.
On Friday, Camden police officer Louis Strehr saw the Jersey Devil saw the devil drinking from a horses trough. The school in Mt Ephraim was closed because no students came in. Mills and factories in Gloucester and Hainesport had to close because none of the employees came to work. Many New Jersey residents wouldn't leave their houses, even in daylight. Officer Merchant of Blackwood drew a sketch of the creature he saw. His sketch coincided with the descriptions from earlier in the week. Jacob Henderson saw the devil in Salem and described it as having "wings and a tail". The devil was only seen once more in 1909 in February.

Since 1909, the Jersey Devil has continued to be sighted by people all over New Jersey. The number of sightings that have been reported to the authorities has dwindled over the years. This could be attributed to the fact that people don't want to be branded as crazy. Even though the number of reported sightings has dropped, there's still a considerable amount of sightings in the post 1909 era.

IN 1927, a cab driver on his way to Salem got a flat tire. He stopped to fix the tire. As he was doing this, creature that stood upright and was covered with hair, landed on the roof of his cab. The creature shook his car violently. He fled the scene, leaving the tire and jack behind. Phillip Smith, who was known as a sober and honest man, saw the devil walking down the street in 1953. The characteristic screams of the Jersey Devil were heard in the woods near Woodstown, NJ, in 1936.

Around 1961, 2 couples were parked in a car in the Pine Barrens. They heard a loud screeching noise outside. Suddenly the roof of the car was smashed in. They fled the scene, but returned later. Again they heard the loud screech. They saw a creature flying along the trees, taking out huge chinks of bark as it went along.

There have been other sightings since 1909, such as the Invasion of Gibbsboro in 1951. The people there saw the devil over a 2 day period. In 1966, a farm was raided and 31 ducks, 3 geese, 4 cats, and 2 dogs were killed. One of the dogs was a large german Shepard which had it's throat ripped out. In 1981, a young couple spotted the devil at Atsion Lake in Atlantic County.
In 1987, in Vineland an aggressive german Shepard was found torn apart and the body gnawed upon. the body was located 25 feet from the chain which had been hooked to him. Around the body were strange tracks that no one could identify.

The sightings and prints are the most substantial evidence that exists. Many of the theories on the Jersey Devil are based upon that evidence. Some theories can be proven invalid, while others seem to provide support for the Jersey Devil's existence.

One theory is that the Jersey Devil is a bird. Mrs. Cassidy of Clayton thought it was an invasion of scrowfoot ducks. The scrowfoot duck is much too small to be mistaken for the devil. Others believe the devil is really a sand hill crane. The crane used to live in South Jersey until it was pushed out by man. The sand hill crane weighs about 12 lbs., is 4 foot high, and a wingspan of 80 inches. It avoids man but if confronted it will fight. It has a loud scream whooping voice that can be heard at a distance. This could account for the screams heard by witnesses. The crane also eats potatoes and corn. This could account for the raids on crops. This theory doesn't explain , however, the killing of live stock. It also doesn't explain why people described the devil as having a horses head, bat wings and tail, all of which the crane doesn't have.

Professor Bralhopf said that" the tracks were made by some prehistoric animal form the Jurassic period". He believes the creature survived underground in a cavern. An expert from the Smithsonian Institute had a theory about ancient creatures surviving underground. He said the Jersey Devil was a Pterodactyl. The Academy of Natural Sciences could find no record of any creature, living or extinct, that resembles the Jersey Devil.

Jack E. Boucher, author of Absagami Yesteryear, has a theory in which he believes the devil was a deformed child. He thinks Mrs. Leeds had a disfigured child and kept it locked away in the house. She grew sick and couldn't feed the child anymore. It escaped out of hunger and raided local farms for food. This doesn't take into account the incredible life span of the devil. The child would have been 174 years old in 1909. It also doesn't account for the sightings of the devil flying.

Only a small amount of the sightings and footprints could be hoaxes. The Jersey Devil has been seen by reliable people such as police, government officials, postmasters, businessman, and other people whose "integrity is beyond question." As for the hoof prints, even if some were hoaxes, There is still no way to explain most of the tracks, especially the ones on roof tops and tracks that ended abruptly as if the creature took wing.

The last theory is the most controversial one. Many people believe that the Jersey Devil could be the very essence of evil, embodied. It is said that the devil is an "uncanny harbinger of war"7. and appears before any great conflict. The jersey devil was sighted before the start of the Civil War. It was also seen right before the Spanish American War and WW I. In 1939, before the start of WW II, Mount Holly citizens were awakened by the noise of hooves on their roof tops. The Devil was seen on December 7, 1941, right before Pearl Harbor was bombed. He was also seen right before the vietnam War.

The Jersey Devil's habit of being a forerunner to wars could be because of his possible demonic origins. In 1730, Ben Franklin reported a story about a witchcraft trial near Mt Holly, NJ. One of the origin legends say that Mother Leeds was a witch. The devil's birth could have been a result of a witches curse.

Other facts support the supernatural theory are the reports of the death of the devil. When Commodore Decatur fired a cannon ball at the devil, it went through him and he was unaffected.
In 1909, a track walker on the electric railroad saw the devil fly into the wires above the tracks. There was a violent explosion which melted the track 20 feet in both directions. No body was found and the devil was seen later in perfect health. In 1957, the Department of Conservation found a strange corpse in a burned out area of the pines. It was a partial skeleton, feathers, and hind legs of an unidentifiable creature. The devil was thought to be dead, but reappeared when the people of New Jersey thought that this time his death was real. Each time he is reported dead, he returns. Sometimes this year. The Jersey Devil will be 260 years old. It seems the devil is immortal, which a supernatural being would be. Another thing that supports this theory is the incredible distances the devil could fly in a short period of time. No animal could travel as fast as the devil did in 1909 when he was sighted in South Jersey, Philadelphia, and New York through out the week.

None of these theories can give a definitive answer to what the Jersey Devil was or is, but the sightings prove there is something out there. Whether the Jersey devil is a bird or a demon, is still left ot speculation. The people of New Jersey have definitely seen something out there lurking in the Pine Barrens.

My personal theory is that the Jersey Devil was a quite natural animal. An animal that truly exists, but in a different part of the world. I also believe that there were more than one and existed in the tristate area of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and New York during the late 1800s and into the mid 1900s. During that period, America was doing business internationally, as trade relationships boomed with many foreign countries. Along with foreign goods, many new species of animals were brought to the United States in its cargo; the European Starling, Barbaset seagull, even cats and dogs are now naturalized citizens of the U.S. The animal that I believe was brought here by accident and is believed to be the Jersey Devil is a bat; the African Zabwan Bat. This bat can grow to be as large as 3 ft. tall and will eat meat. They have been found dead in trees brought from Africa in the early 1900s. Maybe this explains the Jersey Devil mystery.

Halloween Countdown

2005-10-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

Halloween is almost upon us!!!! Three nights to go until HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Howling at the Moon

2005-10-28T15:40:00.000-07:00

There are two categories of werewolf cases; 'false' or Lycanthropic Disorder cases and genuine werewolf cases.

LYCANTHROPIC DISORDER :
Lycanthropic Disorder - is a mental condition in which the subject (called a Lycanthrope) believes that he or she is a werewolf. The subject does not actually change shape, but is nevertheless capable of being as dangerous as an actual werewolf. Most cases of supposed werewolfry are really the works of Lycanthropic Disorder victims.

MAN TO BEAST:
In real werewolves a physical change to wolf form does occur. The change can be voluntary (at will), or can be forced by certain cycles of the moon and certain sounds (such as howling).

WEREWOLVES & IMMORTALITY:
Werewolves are immune from aging and from most physical diseases due to the constant regeneration of their physical tissue. They can, therefore, be virtually immortal. However, they can be killed by any wound that destroys the heart or the brain, or any form of death that causes brain or heart damage (such as hanging or other oxygen-deprivation methods).

THE MIND OF A WEREWOLF :
Though primarily a true wolf while in wolf form, there is some proof that the werewolf retains enough knowledge to assist his killing; recognition of victims, evation of traps, and human cunning have all been seen on werewolf cases.

BECOMING A WEREWOLF:
There are several ways to become a werewolf. They include being givin the power of shape shifting through sorcery, being cursed by someone who you have wronged in some way (called Lycaeonia curse), being bitten by a werewolf, and being born to a werewolf. In each case, the blood becomes tainted or cursed.

DAMNATION:
A person who becomes a werewolf against his will (birth, curse, or bite) is not completely damned until he tastes of human blood. Once he does, his soul is eternally damned and nothing may redeem him. Even without tasting of human blood, however, as long as the taint lays upon the immortal soul, it cannot enter Heaven, and will remain chained to the mortal plane upon death.

WEREWOLF PACKS:
Like real wolves, werewolves can live alone for many years, yet the instinct for a pack often leads them away from their secretive lifestyle, into revealing their nature to a priest or close associate, or converting another to werewolfry for companionship. This is when the otherwise cagey werewolf opens himself to dection! Werewolf packs cause immense destruction. A pack consists of one werewolf who became a werewolf through sorcery, birth, or curse - in other words, his is the original tainted blood. This werewolf is called the Alpha werewolf. The remaining werewolves in the pack are called Beta werewolves because they became werewolves through the bite of the Alpha and carry the Alpha's tainted blood.

ALPHA & BETA WEREWOLVES:
The relationship between Alpha and Beta werewolves is a complex one. Once a subject is bitten by a werewolf, his or her life and death are doomed to the werewolf curse. The victim does, however, have some hope - as long as they themselves do not taste of human blood, the curse is reversible. If the Alpha werewolf is killed - through some action of the Beta - the Beta's curse is broken. It is important to note that whether the Beta werewolf was bitten by the Alpha werewolf himself or by another Beta, it is the Alpha who must be destroyed - the source of the original tainted blood. It is also an interesting note that since Betas and Alphas share common blood, an Alpha cannot physically harm a Beta of his own bloodline by his own hans without inflicting the same injury upon himself. However, if a Beta is harmed or killed by another, it does not affect the Alpha.

SYMPTOMS OF WEREWOLFRY:
When hunting for a werewolf it is important to remember that your biggest clues will come through your suspects personalities. Becoming a werewolf is not transparent, no matter how the victim tries to hide it. The tainted, sub-human blood appearence. Therefore, look for symptoms in your human suspects that include increasing violence, increasing aggression, unprovoked rages, insomnia, restlessness, and other bizarre behavior. Unfortunately, over time these symptoms can be brought under control, so do not rely on them exclusively.

PURPORTED WEREWOLF SIGHTINGS IN HISTORY
75,000 BC Earliest human altars, including evidence of prehistoric bear-cult. 10,000 BC Domestication of dog
6,000 BC Catal Huyuk cave-drawings depict leopard men hunting
2,000 BC Epic of Gilamesh written down (first literary evidence of werewolves) 850 BC Odyssey written down (includes many traces of werewolf beliefs)
500 BC Scythians recorded as believing the Neuri to be werewolves.
400 BC Damarchus, Arcadian werewolf, said to have won boxing medal at Olympics
100 - 75 BC Virgil's eighth ecologue (first voluntary transformation of werewolf) 55 AD Petronius, Satyricon
150 AD Apuleius, Metamorphosis composed
170 AD Pausanias visits Arcadia and hears of Lykanian werewolf rites
432 AD St. Patrick arrives in Ireland
600 AD Saint Albeus (Irish) said to have been suckled by wolves
617 AD Wolves said to have attacked heretical monks
650 AD Paulus Aegineta describes "melancholic lycanthropia"
900 AD Hrafnsmal mentions "wolf coats" among the Norwegian Army
Canon Episcopi condems the belief in reality of witches as heretical 1020 First use of the word "werewulf" recorded in English
1101 Death of Prince Vseslav of Polock, alleged Ukrainian werewolf
1182 - 1183 Giraldus claims to have discovered Irish werewolf couple
1194 - 1197 Guillaume de Palerne composed
1198 Marie de France composes Bisclavret
1250 Lai de Melion composed 1
275 - 1300 Volsungasaga, Germanic werewolf saga, written down
1344 Wolf child of Hesse discovered
1347 - 1351 First major outbreak of the Black Death
1407 Werewolves mentioned during witchcraft trial at Basel
1450 Else of Meerburg accused of riding a wolf
1486 Malleus Maleficarum published
1494 Swiss woman tried for riding a wolf
1495 Woman tried for riding a wolf at Lucerne
1521 Werewolves of Poligny burnt
1541 Paduan werewolf dies after having arms and legs cut off
1550 Witekind interviews self-confessed werewolf at Riga Johann Weyer
takes up post of doctor at Cleve
1552 Modern French version of Guillaume published at Lyon
1555 Olaus Magnus records strange behavior of Baltic werewolves
1560 First publication of Della Porta, Magiae naturalis
1563 First publication of Weyer, De praestigus daemonum
1572 St. Bartholomew's Day of Massacre, intensification of French civil war 1573 Gilles Garnier burnt as werewolf
1575 Trials of the benandanti begin in the Friuili (and will continue for a century) 1580 Rebellion at Romans with cannibalistic overtones
1584 Reginald Scot's Discoverie of Witchcraft published
1588 Alleged date of Auvergne female werewolf (Boguet)
1589 Peter Stubb executed as werewolf at Cologne
1598 Roulet tried as werewolf, his sentence commuted
"Werewolf of Chalons" executed at Paris
Gandillon family burnt as werewolves in the Jura
1602 2nd edition of Bouget, Discours des sorciers
1603 Jean Grenier tried as werewolf and is sentenced to life imprisonment 1610 Two women condemned as werewolves at Liege Jean Grenier dies 1614 Webster's Duchess of Malfi published
1637 Famine in Franche-Comte: cannibalism reported
1652 Cromwellian law forbids export of Irish wolfhounds
1692 The Livonian werewolf Theiss interrogated
1697 Perrault's Contes includes "Little Red Riding Hood"
1701 De Tournefort sees vampire exhumation
1764 Bete de Gevaudon starts werewolf scare in Auvergne
1796 - 1799 Widespread fear of wolves reported in France
1797 Victor of Aveyron first seen
1806 French population falls below 2000
1812 Grimm Brothers publish their version of "Little Red Riding Hood" 1824 Antoine Leger tried for werewolf crimes and sentenced to lunatic asylum 1828 Death of Victor of Averyon
1830 Souix warriors reported hunting in wolfskins
1857 Accusation of being "wolf leader" ends in court in St. Gervais
G. W. M. Reynolds, Wagner the Wehr-Wolf published
1880 Folklorist collects werewolf tale in Picardy
1885 Johann Weyer's book reprinted at Paris
1886 Robert Louis Stevenson, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde published
1906 Freud lists Weyer's book as among ten most significant ever published 1913 The Werewolf (film) using real wolf in transformation scene
1914 Freud publishes "wolf man" paper
1920 Kamala and Amala, the Orissa wolf children, discovered
Right-wing terror group "Operation Werewolf" established in Germany 1932 Jekyll & Hyde (film) starring Frederic March
1935 Werewolf of London (film)
1941 Wolf Man (film) starring Lon Chaney Jr.
1943 - 1944 Childhood autism first described LSD discovered
1944 House of Frankenstein (film) includes mention of silver bullet
1951 Outbreak of ergotism at Pont-Saint-Esprit
1952 Ogburn & Bose, On the trail of the Wolf-Children published
1957 I Was a Teenage Werewolf (film)
1972 Shamdeo discovered living among wolves in India
1975 Surawicz & Banta publish first two modern cases of lycanthopy
1979 "An American Werewolf in London" (film) includes first 4 footed werewolf 1985 "Death of Shamdeo" , "Teen Wolf" (film)
1988 Monsieur X arrested "McLean Hospital" survey published 1990 "Werewolf rapist" jailed McLean Case 8 full report published 1991 "The Wolfman" escapes from Broadmoor

Emeralds and Gold ( For My Sister)

2005-10-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

Behind those eyes of emeralds and gold
that can't disguise a soul unfathomably old
is a spirit untamed and wild,
yet sophisticated, wise, and mild.
From within that beautiful shell
radiates the light of my Michele;
my twin, my sister, my best friend,
my mind, my heart, my love never end.
I remember years ago,
before we felt the cold wet snow
and basked in the Texas sun
in Fairmont Park where life begun.
Our world could fit in a square mile;
the Park, the Ditch, the Pool... we smile
at the memories that we share.
Gilliloppers, the Cat Club, Little Rarrrr!
The humid heat and chlorine in our eyes
that made rainbows in the skies,
the hot side walk under our bare feet,
playing kickball in the street,
holiday parties at the schools,
making mischief and breaking rules,
wire-walking across the lawn...
its hard to believe those times are gone!
A two-story clubhouse right out back,
Mr.McKey mornings in his robe with his paper drinking Jack,
Sean, Christie, and all our friends
that time has split in separate ends...
The deep sunset in the Southern sky
with long wisps of spanish moss in oak trees high,
my how time has seemed to fly
since the time we kissed Texas goodbye.
To New Jersey, off we ride,
all the while you sobbed and cried.
Moving away broke your heart-
you never wanted a brand new start.
In the back of a pick-up on foam rubber,
I listened to my sister sob and blubber
and felt inside the sharp ache
of a little girl's heart crack and break.
Lucky you, for like no other,
you had ME for a brother!
I'd make you laugh and tell you stories
to ease your pain and calm your worries.
The trip was long and full of thrills.
Frozen bugs and a cat stoned on pills...
Sunny Florida and enchanted Disneyland,
our favorite relatives and beaches' white sand...
Once up North, it became clear
the world we knew was not so near.
In a campground, in a camper, in a new place,
we explored New Jersey, our original home base.
To a house that became our new home
in the woods where the Jersey Devil roams.
A green fixer-upper dream is where we lived
with plywood floors that creaked and gived,
with rats and fleas, but so many wishes...
new schools and people, like the Drisches.
Ugh... the thought is hard to bare!
But, we made it! Made it through there!
That time was bleak and hard on us.
There was not a day without a fuss.
Readjusting to a place
where nothing is familiar, not a face...
Once so popular, we fell from grace
and started over almost a subhuman race.
Thank God, time always continues its flow
because things get better as we grow.
You developed much better than I.
Then came the era I wanted to die.
It was the best of time, yet the worst...
A time I was blessed and then so cursed.
Through it all you were there for me...
so full of hope, so sisterly!
I am still so sorry I hurt you in those years
I wish you countless blessings for those tears,
especially the ones that I caused
back in the day when I was lost.
Now, I am found... as you can see!
I got away from the life that was killing me.
But, I hurt at leaving you that way
in that place where I could not stay.
Consider this my final plea,
Forgive me, Roo, I am so sorry!
You give me strength when I am weak.
You brighten the days that seem so bleak.
You let me talk until I am mute.
You have a way of being so cute.
You always give me a different view
with a perspective so uniquely you.
Your perception is sharp and so true;
without you what would I do?
In these times that are so trying
and with emotions that can't stop lying,
I am glad you are by my side
supporting me and being my guide.
What a light in this world you are!
Hopefully, you will never be too far
for us to hang out until we are old
and see you laughing in emeralds and gold.

The Demonic Worldwide

2005-10-27T10:53:00.001-07:00

The following is raw information about deeper evil that goes back as far as 9000 years before Christ.

WARNING! Many cultures believe that uttering a demon's name can bring in into manifestation; some say that it allows them to posses you because it goes through you when you speak of it. SPEAK THESE NAMES AT YOUR OWN RISK!

DEMONS OF THE ANCIENT WORLD

Judeo-Christian Biblical Demons (their names, symbols, and duties)
Quoted from the Pseudomonarchia daemonum written by Johann Wier in 1583

Agares
Aguares, of the order of the virtues who governs thirty-one legions, appears riding a crocodile and carrying a sparrowhawk. He is said to make deserters return and can cause enemies to flee. He can exalt people, teach all languages, and make the earth spirits dance.

Bael
Baell - Their first and principall king (which is of the power of the east) is called Baëll who when he is conjured up, appeareth with three heads; the first, like a tode; the second, like a man; the third, like a cat. He speaketh with a hoarse voice, he maketh a man go invisible [and wise], he hath under his obedience and rule sixtie and six legions of divels.

Camio
Caim is a great president, taking the forme of a thrush, but when he putteth on man's shape, he answereth in burning ashes, carrieng in his hand a most sharpe swoord, he maketh the best disputers, he giveth men the understanding of all birds, of the lowing of bullocks, and barking of dogs, and also of the sound and noise of waters, he answereth best of things to come, he was of the order of angels, and ruleth thirtie legions of divels.

Decarabia
The Sixty-ninth Spirit is Decarabia. He appeareth in the Form of a Star in a Pentacle, at first; but after, at the command of the Exorcist, he putteth on the image of a Man. His Office is to discover the Virtues of Birds and Precious Stones, and to make the Similitude of all kinds of Birds to fly before the Exorcist, singing and drinking as natural Birds do. He governeth 30 Legions of Spirits, being himself a Great Marquis. And this is his Seal, which is to be worn.

Eligos
Eligos, aka Abigor, presents himself as a horseman carrying a lance, a standard, or a scepter. He commands sixty legions & is a grand duke of hell. He knows of the secrets of warfare, of the future, and can instruct leaders of the ways to earn their soldiers' respect.

Focalor
Focalor is a great duke comming foorth as a man, with wings like a griphen, he killeth men, and drowneth them in the waters, and overturneth ships of warre, commanding and ruling both winds and seas. And let the conjuror note, that if he bid him hurt no man, he willinglie consenteth thereto: he hopeth after 1000. yeares to returne to the seventh throne, but he is deceived, he hath three legions.

Gaap
Gaap is a high president & prince of hell, commanding 4 of the principal kings and 60 legions, & as powerful as Byleth. He also has an empire over those demons Amaymon commands. He appears in human form at noon, and is said to intensify the passions of love and hatred, and can transport men to different countries. Earlier necromancers invoked Tap by spells composed by King Solomon, but that is not true, as it was Noah's son, Cham, who first began evoking evil spirits. The necromancers also offered him libations & holocausts. Tap was made to serve Byleth by composing a book of mathematics. If the exorcist knows of the art of Byleth, Gaap will not cooperate. Another book attributed to the prophets Eli and Elijah states that Gaap can be conjured by virtue of the saints' names of God listed in the Key of Solomon.

Haagenti
The Forty-eighth Spirit is Haagenti. He is a President, appearing in the Form of a Mighty Bull with Gryphon’s Wings. This is at first, but after, at the Command of the Exorcist he putteth on Human Shape. His Office is to make Men wise, and to instruct them in divers things; also to Transmute all Metals into Gold; and to change Wine into Water, and Water into Wine. He governeth 33 Legions of Spirits, and his Seal is this.

Ipos
The Twenty-second Spirit is lpos. He is an Earl, and a Mighty Prince, and appeareth in the form of an Angel with a Lion's Head, and a Goose's Foot, and Hare's Tail. He knoweth all things Past, Present, and to Come. He maketh men witty and bold. He governeth 36 Legions of Spirits. His Seal is this, which thou shalt wear.

Leraje
The Fourteenth Spirit is called Leraje (or Leraie). He is a Marquis Great in Power, showing himself in the likeness of an Archer clad in Green, and carrying a Bow and Quiver. He causeth all great Battles and Contests; and maketh wounds to putrefy that are made with Arrows by Archers. This belongeth unto Sagittary. He governeth 30 Legions of Spirits, and this is his Seal.

Marchosias
The Thirty-fifth Spirit is Marchosias. He is a Great and Mighty Marquis, appearing at first in the Form of a Wolf18 having Gryphon’s Wings, and a Serpent’s Tail, and Vomiting Fire out of his mouth. But after a time, at the command of the Exorcist he putteth on the Shape of a Man. And he is a strong fighter. He was of the Order of Dominations. He governeth 30 Legions of Spirits. He told his Chief, who was Solomon, that after 1,200 years he had hopes to return unto the Seventh Throne. And his Seal is this, to be made and worn as a Lamen.

Naberius
The Twenty-fourth Spirit is Naberius. He is a most valiant Marquis, and showeth in the form of a Black Crane, fluttering about the Circle, and when he speaketh it is with a hoarse voice. He maketh men cunning in all Arts and Sciences, but especially in the Art of Rhetoric. He restoreth lost Dignities and Honours. He governeth 19 Legions of Spirits. His Seal is this, which is to be worn.
Ose
The Fifty-seventh Spirit is Oso, Ose, or Voso. He is a Great President, and appeareth like a Leopard at the first, but after a little time he putteth on the Shape of a Man. His Office is to make one cunning in the Liberal Sciences, and to give True Answers of Divine and Secret Things; also to change a Man into any Shape that the Exorcist pleaseth, so that he that is so changed will not think any other thing than that he is in verity that Creature or Thing he is changed into. He governeth 30 Legions of Spirits, and this is his Seal.

Phenex
The Thirty-Seventh Spirit is Phenex (or Pheynix). He is a great Marquis, and appeareth like the Bird Phoenix, having the Voice of a Child. He singeth many sweet notes before the Exorcist, which he must not regard, but by-and-by he must bid him put on Human Shape. Then he will speak marvellously of all wonderful Sciences if required. He is a Poet, good and excellent. And he will be willing to perform thy requests. He hath hopes also to return to the Seventh Throne after 1,200 years more, as he said unto Solomon. He governeth 20 Legions of Spirits. And his Seal is this, which wear thou.

Ronove
The Twenty-seventh Spirit is Ronove. He appeareth in the Form of a Monster. He teacheth the Art of Rhetoric very well and giveth Good Servants, Knowledge of Tongues, and Favours with Friends or Foes. He is a Marquis and Great Earl; and there be under his command 19 Legions of Spirits. His Seal is this.

Sabnock
Sabnacke, alias Salmac, is a great marquesse and a strong, he commeth foorth as an armed soldier with a lions head, sitting on a pale horsse, he dooth marvelouslie change mans forme and favor, he buildeth high towres full of weapons, and also castels and cities; he inflicteth men thirtie daies with wounds both rotten and full of maggots, at the exorcists commandement, he provideth good familiars, and hath dominion over fiftie legions.

Uvall
The Forty-seventh Spirit Uvall, or Vual, or Voval. He is a Duke, Great, Mighty, and Strong; and appeareth in the Form of a Mighty Dromedary at the first, but after a while at the Command of the Exorcist he putteth on Human Shape, and speaketh the Egyptian Tongue, but not perfectly. His Office is to procure the Love of Woman, and to tell Things Past, Present, and to Come. He also procureth Friendship between Friends and Foes. He was of the Order of Potestates or Powers. He governeth 37 Legions of Spirits, and his Seal is this, to be made and worn before thee.

Vine
The Forty-fifth Spirit is Vine, or Vinea. He is a Great King, and an Earl; and appeareth in the Form of a Lion,20 riding upon a Black Horse, and bearing a Viper in his hand. His Office is to discover Things Hidden, Witches, Wizards, and Things Present, Past, and to Come. He, at the command of the Exorcist will build Towers, overthrow Great Stone Walls, and make the Waters rough with Storms. He governeth 36 Legions of Spirits. And his Seal is this, which wear thou.

Zepar
The Sixteenth Spirit is Zepar. He is a Great Duke, and appeareth in Red Apparel and Armour, like a Soldier. His office is to cause Women to love Men, and to bring them together in love. He also maketh them barren. He governeth 26 Legions of Inferior Spirits, and his Seal is this, which he obeyeth when he seeth it.

DEMONS OF THE ANCIENT AMERICAS

Tzitzimime

The tzitzimime ("Monsters descending from above") were celestial demons in Aztec mythology that continuously threaten to destroy the world. They are said to be the stars that battle the sun each dusk and dawn.
One story from the Histoyre du Mechique describes the wraith of the tzitzimime. Mayahuel was the goddess of maguey who lived with her grandmother, a tzitzimime, in the sky. One time, Quetzalcoatl convinced her to descend to earth with him and join with him into a forked tree with Quetzalcoatl as one branch and Mayahuel as the other.
When Mayahuel's grandmother awakens and finds her missing, she summons other tzitzimime to find her granddaughter. They descend to earth, and just as they arrive, the tree that Quetzalcoatl and Mayahuel had hidden as splits in two. Recognizing her grandmother as one of the branches, she tears it apart and passes the remains of Mayahuel to the other tzitzimime to devour, leaving the branch that Quetzalcoatl disguised himself as fully intact.
After they had left, Quetzalcoatl gathered up the Mayahuel's bones and buried them, & from that grave, the first maguey plant grew. (Maguery was the source of an alcoholic beverage that was important in Aztec ceremonies as both a ritual drink and a sacrificial offering.)

Yenaldlooshi
In Navajo mythology, skinwalkers, also known as Yenaldlooshi, are witches who wear coyote skins and travel at night. They appear naked, wearing only masks and jewelry, & tend to live in caves, storing recognizable human heads on shelves.
Yenaldlooshi gain power by killing a close relative, sometimes even a sibling. They are known to desecrate sand paintings by urinating, spitting, & defecating on them. They also practice cannibalism and necrophilia. Yenaldlooshi are also said to be able to create a pollen from ground human infant bones that when sprinkled on sleeping Navajo families, causes sickness, social problems, & death.
Yenaldlooshi are often detected by the presence of strange noises, barking dogs, or dirt falling from the hogan ceiling (as they try to sprinkle their pollen on unsuspecting families). They can be shot or caught. If they are not caught, a singer (hataalii) or medicine person can protect the family.
Coyotes were known to weaken a hunter by throwing their skin on him. By doing so, the Coyote takes on the appearance of the hunter. Coyotes do this out of desire to sleep with the hunter’s wife. During the time while the Coyote lives with the hunter’s wife, the hunter is immobilized in the position of a sleeping coyote. The wife will eventually realize the Coyote is not her husband because the Coyote is lazy & over time, the house comes to smell of Coyote urine.

Vucub Caquix

In Mayan mythology, Vucub Caquix, Seven Macaw, was a large bird that dwelled on the surface of the world after the flood. He was very vain and proclaimed himself the sun and moon, the lord over everything.
This was when there was just a trace of early dawn on the face of the earth, there was no sun. But there was one who magnified himself; Seven Macaw is his name. The sky-earth was already there, but the face of the sun-moon was clouded over. Even so, it is said that his light provided a sign for the people who were flooded. He was like a person of genius in his being."I am great. My place is now higher than that of the human work, the human design. I am their sun and I am their light, and I am also their months.""So be it: my light is great. I am the walkway and I am the foothold of the people, because my eyes are of metal. My teeth just glitter with jewels, and turquoise as well; they stand out blue with stones like the face of the sky.""And this nose of mine shines white into the distance like the moon. Since my nest is metal, it lights up the face of the earth. When I come forth before my nest, I am like the sun and moon for those who are born in the light, begotten in the light. It must be so, because my face reaches into the distance," says Seven Macaw.- Popol Vuh, Book 1
The hero twins, Hunahpu and Xbalanque, were angered by this and decided to slay the monster. In order to accomplish this, the twins hid under the bird's favorite tree and waited with their blow-guns for him to arrive. When he did, Hunahpu shot him in the face. Vucub Caquix became enraged, ripped off Hunahpu's arm, & escaped. The hero twins then convinced an old couple to pose as healers and visit the bird, offering to cure his eyes and teeth. The old couple tricked the bird by telling him that in order to cure him, they needed to replace his eyes and teeth. When he agreed, they substituted grains of corn for his teeth and eyes. After that, Vucub Caquix lost his power and quickly died.

Dagwanoenyent
In Iroquois mythology, Dagwanoenyent was the daughter of the Wind who often took the form of a whirlwind. The Seneca Tribe considered her a dangerous witch who could not be killed.
In a tale about Dagwanoenyent, there is an uncle and nephew that live near Dagwanoenyent. Though the uncle forbids the nephew to visit her, he sneaks off frequently to visit Dagwanoenyent and her child. During his visits, Dagwanoenyent ignores the nephew. Each time he plays with the child, he steals a piece of meat from Dagwanoenyent's place. When the child turns 15, he informs the visiting nephew that the two are really cousins. The nephew's uncle is really the child's father and husband of Dagwanoenyent.
When the nephew returns home, his uncle questions him. The boy admits to visiting Dagwanoenyent, stealing meat from her house, and puncturing the bag of bear's oil that hangs above her head. The uncle then grows angry and informs him that because the bag is now broken, they are in great danger.
Soon, Dagwanoenyent comes as a whirlwind, destroys the uncle's lodge and carries him away. The nephew goes to Dagwanoenyent's house to ask his cousin what happened to the man. He doesn't know, but warns the nephew that Dagwanoenyent will come for him the next day.
To escape Dagwanoenyent's fury, the nephew hides in the belly of his guardian, Mole. She soon finds him and kills him, but Mole is able to resuscitate him. Mole and the nephew then find the uncle under an elm tree, which is standing on his chest. The nephew helps his uncle out from under the tre and then goes to Dagwanoenyent's lodge and kills her by burning her body in a fire of bear oil.
Dagwanoenyent soon revives and goes after the nephew. He is able to escape and when she finally retreats back to her lodge, the nephew and the uncle kill her again with fire. This time, though, they remove her bones from the fire and pound them into a fine powder. they then divide the powder into 3 separate bags - one for uncle, nephew, and Mole. They then decide that whenever there is a storm outside, they must keep the bags apart so the powder can't unite and revive Dagwanoenyent.
There is also a legend that Dagwanoenyent gave two brothers three hairs from his head, so that whenever they wanted rain, they were to make the hairs wet and shake off the drops. Heavy rains would soon follow.

EUROPEAN DEMONS

Yan-gant-y-tan
Yan-gant-y-tan wanders the nights in Finistere & is considered an evil omen among the Bretons. He holds five candles on his five fingers, which he is able to turn quickly.

Ribesal
Ribesal, or Rûberzahl, is a supreme governor of the highest Czech mountains Krkonose (Rubersberge in German,I think) (which are actually not quite in Silesia but in Bohemia). Physically he varies, he can take any form he wishes from an old granny to a giant crossing his mountains with one step. Historically his task kept on extending; bad demon causing storms and heavy snow, he evolved into a guardian of the poor people living in his mountains. It is said that he'll test you any time to know whether your heart is pure (ex. meeting you as an old lady asking for help) and if you do, you'll be shown the way to the treasures hidden deep inside his mountains. He punished the German landlords mistreating Czech people as well as any other people.

Fomorians
The fomorians, whose name means 'dark of the sea,' were a race of Gaelic demons said to be the offspring of Noah's son, Ham. They are said to have the body of a man & the head of a goat, according to an 11th century text called The Book of the Dun Cow.
Most sources list the Fomorians as one of the 4 races of Ireland who were defeated by the Tuatha De Danaan.
The fomorians consisted of Buarainech; Balor, the son of Buarainech, whose one eye is kept permanently closed because it could kill any mortal or god with one glance & king of the fomorians; Bress, whose consort is Brigit, the daughter of the Dagda & who briefly ruled the Tuatha De Danaan; Elathan; and Ethniu, the daughter of Balor who is the mother of Lugh Lamhfada.

Jormungand
The serpent, Jormungand was the middle child of Loki and the giantess, Angrboda. He had 2 siblings, Hel , and the wolf, Fenrir.
Alarmed that Loki had fathered these children, Odin sent a group of gods to kidnap them. Once captured, Odin threw Jormungand into the ocean surrounding Midgard, where he lived from then on. The serpent grew so much that he encircled the whole world & bit his own tail.
At Ragnarok, Jormungand will escape to dry land & spew venom over all the earth & sky. He will then fight Thor, Son of Earth, who will kill the serpent at Vigrid, not before he is poisoned by Jormungand's venom. Thor will only be able to take 9 steps after killing the serpent before he also falls dead.

Nickar
According to Scandinavian mythology, Odin takes on the name of Nickar or Hnickar when he acts as a destroyer. Under this name, he appears as a kelpie, the devil-horse of the Scots, & frequents the lakes & rivers of Scandinavia where he causes tempests, hurricanes, & hailstorms. On the Isle of Rugen, he likes to torment fisherman, upset their boats, and throw them almost to the tops of the highest fir trees. Nickar are descendants of the mermen and merwomen, the nixies of the Teutons, the most famous being the nymphs of the Elbe and of the Gaal. Before Christianity was adopted, the Saxons adored a feminine divinity, whose temple lies in Magdebourg or Megdeburch (city of the young lady). She would appear with a basket under her arm, graceful & proper, and at first glance, one could mistake her for the daughter of a good bourgeois. However, a small corner of her apron always remained wet, as a reminder of her aquatic origin. The English sailors are known call the devil "Old Nick."

Lechies
Lechies were Russian demons that lived in the woods. They had human bodies from the waist up with the horns, ears, and beard of a she-goat. From the waist down, they had a goat's body. They would shrink themselves to the height of the grass when marching through fields, but would grow to the size of the tallest trees when they ran through the forest. They had horrible cries, but could imitate voices familiar to wanderers & could lure them back to their caves, where they would tickle them almost to death. Lechies aren't always evil, though they enjoy misguiding humans & kidnapping young women. They can be thwarted if one wears their clothes backwards.

Gorgons
Considered demons of the underworld or of the sea, the Gorgons, whose name means 'savage/ horrible,' were the daughters of Phorcys & Ceto. They had feminine bodies covered with scales & hair of vipers, & whoever that looked at them would be instantly turned to stone. The Gorgons consisted of Medusa ("ruler"), the most infamous of the three and the only mortal one.. Her sisters, who were both immortal, were named Sthenno ("forceful") and Euryale ("far-roaming").

Dresses White

2005-10-26T16:15:00.000-07:00

The crinkled leaf within my fist,
a fallen angel the sun has kissed;
though the season is at its end,
let us welcome our cold dark friend.
Chasing clouds from the north,
the frosty thunderheads carry forth
a paralyzing somber in the fast wind
that suspend the molecules where they spin
and drop the matter from the air
by stopping the motion that keeps it there;
ice is forming as waters expand
upon the water and within the land.
The green, green grass shrivels to dirt
and brittle trees in the breeze hurt
while the moon shines so bright
in a longer rule, in a longer night.
Soon shall come the fluffy white snow
that covers all in its falling flow
back to the place where it was water;
now Mother Earth's white cloaked daughter
coats her body in fine diamond powder
making winter all the prouder,
adorning everything in one's sight
in impeccable, formal wintry white.
The unspoken secrets no one may know
is buried beneath the virgin snow.
What is Mother Earth dreaming
in her slumber beneath the gleaming
ice and frosty pure white
of the Winter's crystal delight?
The call for children to cut her free
with sleds and boots running happily
upon her bosom is faintly heard
Mother Earth's unspoken word.
Talking softly in her sleep
of the secrets she must keep.
What does she wear beneath her gown?
A sleepy smile? A bitter frown?
That is something we shall never know.
What does Mother Earth wear beneath the snow?

Halloween Trudges Closer!

2005-10-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh, the sun is vibrant today! I love days like this. NO RAIN!!! The temperature has dropped to a nice plateau of around 50-55 degrees; the wind is ripping through the trees that are slowly fading into dramatic color. I love autumn in all of its splendor! Crisp stain-glass like leaves catching the radiant sunlight and illuminating the ground, the orchard smell of the countryside fragrant in a bouquet of Fall aromas, the anticipation of spiced apple cider and warm scones... what else is there??? Oh yes, Halloween is coming!
Halloween is a wonderful holiday that has always been mystical to me. I was taught at a very young age what is truly about. Maybe that has an impact on the way I feel towards the last day of October.
Halloween is the most important festival of witchcraft. Its history goes back 2000 years to the Druids, an ancient pre-Celtic priestly order of Gaul, in honor of Samhain (pronounced Sa-Ween), Lord of the dead. Very depraved people, these Druids! They're believed to have built Stonehenge, the monolithic stone carvings in England where massive human sacrifices took place. Stonehenge is believed to have been erected to calculate the sun's movements and determine the exact day on which to honor the Earth Mother goddess through human sacrifices. Which day would that be? Halloween, of course.
The name "Halloween" is derived from the phrase, "All Hallow's Eve," October 31st, the Eve of Samhain, the Celtic New Year. Samhain supposedly called up all the evil souls who had died the previous year and demons, fairies, elves, ghosts sprang up from the netherworld. To ensure fertility to cattle and crops, firstborn children were offered as living sacrifices to satisfy theses evil creatures. Today, we emulate these folkloric and demonic practices by dressing up like monsters, demons, skeletons, the undead, as we go to Halloween parties and "trick or treat." It was believed that these demons insisted upon "treats" to keep them from performing their "tricks," or curses, on people's lives. So, people would leave the finest food and drink for them on their doorsteps, usually devoured by stray dogs, cats, wild animals and vagabonds. If dissatisfied with the treats, it was feared they might enter the house causing destruction of property or person, i.e., ruining a water well, killing cattle, souring milk, sickness and even death.
In 834 A.D., the Catholic Church moved All Saints Day from May to November 1st (to placate the Roman worshippers of Pomona, goddess of fruit and trees), as well as the newly conquered descendants of the Druids in Germany and Scandinavia. Thus, Halloween is often celebrated as the eve of All Saints Day with the same reverence for the dead.
Demons are not merely things of superstition. Demons are symbols of the darkest aspect of the human psyche. Symbols are the very things used by those who have embraced the occult in the conjuring of the spirits they represent. Hey, if symbols were meaningless, we could adorn the walls of your church as safely with swastikas as with crosses! Bobbing for apples? Originally, a means of divining the future. Jack-o'-lanterns? Came from a tale of a man who tricked the devil into leaving him alone and was denied both Heaven and hell but lights his way at night carrying a glowing coal in a carved out turnip. Witches are often pictured with black cats. Practitioners of witchcraft believe these felines are the best lodging place for familiar spirits, the demons who predict the future and act as guides for a single witch or an entire coven. Ravens, owls, broomsticks, cauldrons ... there is an interesting history to every aspect of Halloween's symbols and traditions.
For me, Halloween is a symbol of the human ability to shapeshift. Yes, we really can shapeshift! Not in the traditional sense, but we certainly can become whatever personality we choose to in a given situation. Halloween is just that situation, but turned up a few thousand notches. It is a day we can be anyone we want to: ourselves in a higher state of mind, someone else, a mythological creature, a symbol, the possibilities are endless!!! What you choose to be is an interesting insight into your personality and mind. I love watching children in costumes scramble from door to door; I get even more of a kick out of the parents that accompany them. Some parents are dressed up and have become children too, while others stand at the sidewalk looking please to see their child having fun. ME? I am in a costume running around as a child... definitely!!! I don't think I will ever grow up! (at least, not when it comes to holidays) I owe it to my ancestors to make the most of my flesh... If I am in this material vehicle, I am going to have fun! What better way to have fun and tribute your ancestors than Halloween!!!? ERIN GO SAMHAIN!!!! (Celtic for " LONG LIVE SAMHAIN!!!")

Buddha James and the Enlightened Duality of Life

2005-10-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

Hard times can come in many forms; they can attack you all at once from every possible angle testing your perseverence physically, emotionally, and spiritually at the same time in a state of torture, they can blend into the backdrop of your mind and stab you when you least expect it, and they can pick at you slowly in monotonous little bites that seem to go one for days. You can suffer consciously or you can suffer subconsciously while assuming everything is okay, the mind is a strange and complex routing system. What is important to understand is that the mind is a complex routing system in another way, it is the control tower for the most powerful element on this plane of existence... YOU!
The mind is both spiritual and physical in its existence within the human body. Whatever you dwell on and feed it, you become. If you entertain thoughts of matter or material, you become materialistic and throw off your balance. If you focus too much on your spirit, you neglect your body and threaten your health. If you feed your mind upon what is Divine, then you become Divine.
The very fact that you find yourself conscious of being alive, yet capable of suffering disappointments, capable of being aware that something is missing from your experience in the present- disappointed in people, delusioned with your own family, disappointed in yourself- you have forgotten the Divine... the miracle of existence and the gift of being in a world where you create your reality. You are either the arist, making beauty from the clay... or you are nothing, hoping the clay can make something out of you!
Consider this: The more and more that you are compelled by your intuition, or listen to your soul's voice within you, the greater, the farther, the deeper, the broader, the more constructive the results of your actions become... for one that seeks the divinity of wholeness MUST believe that wholeness can be acheived.
Though we are physical and spiritual entities at the same time, this duality is not supposed to confuse us and trap us in our skin. It is supposed to aid our souls by giving us the means to express our wills in a physical forum... our souls do not thirst for material, they thirst for the quenching feeling of the spiritual success that can only be found through bonding with another emotionally and finding your place in eternity.
Final hint: If you feel like something is missing in your life and you rely on outside things to give you the illusion of being full when empty, you are searching in the wrong place; turn inwards and look inside to find what is truly missing and put it out into the world to gain wholeness. Love does not cost a thing and looks good on anyone- one size fits all, it never clashes, and suits every occasion! God Bless this plane of pain....

Graduate Record Examination (GRE) Test

2005-10-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

Well, today I took the entrance exams for graduate school; my scores are above average for the most part. The GRE is kinda like the SAT, but for those people that choose to further their education. Therefore, the average is a score calculated from above average people. I feel good to know that I scored in the top 25% in the verbal aspect and did well in the math part too. I will not find out my total score until the written analysis part of the exam comes back. I think I did the best in that part because I love to write and am not that shabby at it. All in all, I think I might have pulled of anywhere between a 1200-1500 on the GRE.
I don't think I did the best I could do; it is a timed test and mathematics is NOT my forte, especially when you drink a bunch of coffee before the test and your test time doesn't stop when you go to the bathroom. I had 30 minutes to complete 28 verbal questions, then 30 minutes to complete 30 math problems; the written analysis consisted of writing an impromptu dicertation about the influenze virus and the connection that solar flares have to historical pandemics of influenza in regard to an article that appeared in a popular newspaper that directed people to stay out of the sun in order to ward of the flu. Talk about a really wierd topic to write about!!! I think I pulled a rabbit out of my hat there! LOL
The other writing topic was basically examining the reason behind the argument that television is killing reading and obliterating the learning that reading fosters in today's information age. How ridiculous!!!! I basically argued that books have been around for centuries; they have evolved as far as they are going to, which is why television is so attractive to us... IT IS NEW!!!! On that point, the written word basicall deliniates what is prehistoric and historic. I contend that the evolution of our modes of learning and education shifted to where television is more of a leisure item and books have become more of a learning mechanism; it is all apart of the evolution of the very young television vs. the age old book in addition to the roles we ascribe to each genre of intellectual expression. I further commented on the fact that the television does not take very much focus is more of a social crutch that is not really cultured to be educational when reading books is highly intellectual and just the act of reading teaches one the mechanics of one's written language and fosters creative thinking through stimulation of the imagination. In short, modern times have not caused television to replace books in our lives; it is just obvious that the roles that each item has taken on, books as intellectual stimulus vs. television as leisure/rest, has become more separate in a time when leisure is more focused on. BLAH BLAH BLAH.... I did this all day. From 9 am to 7:30pm..... I am drained! I know I scored well over 1000 and that was my minimum target, so I am signing off!!! TO HELL WITH STUDYING FOR A FEW DAYS!!!! (I gotta do this all over again in 2 weeks for my GRE Psychology-specific test... 70-100 questions in 4 hours on psychology's history, practice, etiology, neurological aspects, medical qualities, experimental attributes, and research orientation including APA requirements... UGH!!!!!! Eat your heart out Sigmund Freud!!!! LOL!)

Ode to Da Mamma

2005-10-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that times have been very hard for me and in my pain, sorrow, and frustration (not to mention confusion), I have inadvertantly isolated my Momma; though she is twisted in her own way, where do you think I get it from, she is an ANGEL in her own right!!!
You may be saying, "Well, YOU are just a momma's boy!" My response is simple... "YEAH! AND WHAT OF IT!!!?" I am proud to be a momma's boy, especially if you knew my momma!!!
My momma is the real deal!!! (LOL... Diehl) She has a zest for life that she can't ignore! No one else can either when she lets it loose! She is fun to be around! She enjoys almost anything, as long as it doesn't involve squirmy things or too much dirt and grime. She deep sea fishes with the best of them, she water skis, beach bums, and can work harder than almost everyone I know! When I was a child, my dad told me of an account where my momma was "swangin' of the chandalier!!!" To my amazement, she was making a mad dash for the toilet with her hand over her mouth the next morning... his story was true! I remember staring at her in her green state all morning in sheer awe... MOMMY PARTIES LIKE A ROCK STAR!!!
Loyalty??? My mother is 100%!!! She stuck by so many of the people she loves and even ones that she couldn't care if she ever saw again... why? BECAUSE IT IS WHO SHE iS!!! People can be hard on my mother, God knows I am... But, when you apologize to her for it and feel like crap in admitting it, she lifts your spirits and says, "I didn't even notice, hun." I'm just not wired to see things that way. I love the fact I have a true blue hardwired mother... and you better run faster than lightning if you say otherwise!!! (God knows, NO SPEED YOU TRAVEL AT WOULD SAVE YOU FROM MY MOMMA'S WRATH IF YOU HURT ONE OF HER BABIES!!!) Momma, I know that when you find these little new things like blogs, you scan for some recognition... Let me just point out that blogs are vents... What appears in these things are things that A) you wanna GET OUT of you, B) recognition of something out of the ordinary, C) events that detail hidden aspects of a person close to you, or D) artistic expression... Expressing who you are to me or to the Roo-ster is not something we wanna get out of us... it is something we hold close to us. Your love and presence of being is not something out of the ordinary; you show your emotions freely and in abundance. It is definitely not out of the ordinary to hear, see, or fell your love or just your essence... Hell, people in China have felt your gregarious laughter or tempest-like rage!!! (LOL...sorry, couldn't help it!) And finally, I don't think I could come up with an artistic work that could capture the many things that you mean to me... and if I could, I don't think I would want to share that with the world. It would be so very special to me that I'd keep it to myself. I love you, Momma!!! Please never forget that.

Now some viniettes about my wonderful mother... YES! It is time to brag!!!!

My momma took in a kitten and warmed it in a toaster oven!
My momma actually took my dad's back in a bar brawl in TEXAS!!! (Broke a pool stick over some dude's back!!!)
My momma used to sing to us in the bath tub:
"Down in the pond
in the itty bitty pool
Fam free wittle fishes and the Momma fishy too!
"FIM!" said the Momma fish, "FIM if you can!"
and they did and they fam all over the dam!
Bop, bop, dittle bop, bopple pitchewwwwwww!
Bop, bop, dittle bop, bopple pitchewwwwww!
and they fam and they fam all over the dam!"
(My momma made bath time so much fun... )
My momma let me listen to CLASSICAL MUSIC!!! (especially Tchaikovsky!)
My momma was a TIGERMOM!!!! (She was known to bitchslap anyone who messed with her children... still is that way!)
My momma can throw down a spread unlike anything you ever saw in minutes!!!
My momma dressed me funny, but she did it in a way that I never knew it until years later, making it a fun memory... all she had to say was, "That's what they're wearing!" and I would be sold on anything!!!! LOL!
My momma loves the holidays and really went all out to make the most of them... she speaks of times when money was tight, and I can not remember a single hint of it! There were always gifts, and decorations, and family dinners that rocked, and most importantly LOVE in abundance!
As my mother's son, it is important for me highlight the fact that my mother loves me, but she also loves herself... a trait that I know I have learned with time. You can't walk on my mother unless she loves you, then she might as well be a sidewalk... until she sees you do it knowingly or spitefully! She was the strength to cut her losses and not go down with the ship!- a trait that taught me alot, especially when I was fighting for my life in rehab. She loved me enough to send me away kicking and screaming... if that isn't love, what is! Truthfully, my momma is not only my mother, but also my bestfriend in so many ways. She will always tell it like it is. She will take a certain of level of abuse because she just doesn't see it as that... to her, it is pain that her babies are in; she just doesn't have the ability to recognize abuse until it is blatant and spiteful. My mother will NOT have mean children that are evil like that.. I know she would rather have us dead than mean and evil. Most likely, she'd be the take our lives. Luckily she never has to worry about that. I know she has two wonderful children that may not be perfect in the world's eyes, but always in hers.
Momma, if you are reading this, know this: "I love you with all of my heart! I know I am not perfect. I know that you feel the pain I inflict on myself and sometimes you have to separate because it seems as if I just am blind to what I do. But, as a mother, you are also a teacher. In that, there is a valuable lesson: Love is responsibility, what you do to yourself affects everyone who loves you. THAT is a hard lesson to learn, especially when I sometimes beat the piss out of myself. But, I am proud to say that I think I have finally made it to where I need to be. I know I feel abandoned sometimes, but I want you to know that I understand that SOME JOURNEYS YOU TAKE ALONE!!! Thank you for being there. I know I may not see it, but you are and always will be right behind me, even if I can't see you, to pick me up when I can't get up on my own. Thank you! I love you! You are a great friend and I am proud to call you my MOTHER!!!
Love your son,
James XXXOOO

Funky Horror Bunnies.... check it out!!!!

2005-10-21T23:04:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll! In the spirit of my favorite holiday, I try to encompass a little bit over everything for everyone's taste... here are some G-Ratede versions of my favorite movies... the best part is that each one only lasts 30 secs... have fun!!!! -Love James
PS(Wait a few seconds after the end of each movie...)

The Exorcist
http://www.angryalien.com/0204/exorcistbunnies.html

Scream
http://www.angryalien.com/0605/screambuns.asp

Freddy vs. Jason
http://www.angryalien.com/0605/freddyjasonbuns.asp

Alien
http://www.angryalien.com/0704/alienbunnies.html

Jaws
http://www.angryalien.com/0804/jawsbunnies.asp

The Shining
http://www.angryalien.com/0504/shiningbunnies.html

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
http://www.angryalien.com/0605/txchainsawbuns.asp

Highlander
http://www.angryalien.com/0905/highlanderbuns.asp

War of the Worlds
http://www.angryalien.com/1005/wowbuns.asp

The Rocky Horror Picture Show
http://www.angryalien.com/0705/rhpsbuns.asp

Pulp Fiction
http://www.angryalien.com/0605/pulpfictionbuns.asp

and for mamma.....

Its a Wonderful Life
http://www.angryalien.com/1204/wonderful_lifebuns.asp

Titanic (may the Gods have mercy on my soul!!!!)
http://www.angryalien.com/0604/titanicbunnies.html

Well, I hope you enjoy the shows.... Love ME!!!!

Halloween's War

2005-10-21T15:22:00.000-07:00

Once a year, when the Harvest moon flies
and leaves pale in fear and fall from the skies,
Death takes over Life as the autumn Sun cries
sinking beneath the horizon, cold as it dies.
The wind turns frigid and carries a breeze
that forces the back rigid and causes them to sneeze.
The spicy scent of Fall dances through trees
that wave in the wind obeying its pleas.
Now come the humans in so many faces
that trek through all of the season's sacred places.
Trading tricks for treats in incognito races
flying to the doors in hurried little paces.
"KNOCK KNOCK, Trick or TREAT!!!!"
A door opens and candy falls to their feet.
Calling back "THANK YOU" as they retreat
the horde of little monsters take to the street.
Glowing faces in the windows appear,
some full of joy and some full of fear.
Jack- O- Lanterns to brighten the drear
of a dying season celebrated each year.
Still high above, the full moon beams
as clouds race by causing it shimmers and gleams.
The blue veil she casts illuminates the steams
of the foggy spirits that swirl in thick streams.
Each breeze brings another leafy rain
while outside are stories of the gruesome and insane.
Little kids laughing seeking candy to gain
from the adults hiding in houses with fear that they feign.
Onward we'd run to the next victims door
to claim all of our candy and then run for some more.
Dressed up real cute or covered in gore,
an army of children fighting Halloween's war
to stay alive until the stroke of midnight
celebrating a time of unfearful fright
until the ghostly must take certain flight
and be back in the grave by dawn's first sad light.
The last throw of life is gone from the Fall,
now the dead leaves cover it all.
The children wake and will not remember
for today is the first day of bleak November.

Its all about the good time!!!

2005-10-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

A man picks up a woman for a date and they go out. She is really beautiful in a wholesome sort of way and the man really enjoys her company. They go out to a bar and he asks her, "What can I get you to drink?" She replies, "Oh, nothing... what would my sunday school think?" The man assumes she is joking and orders a beer. When she never orders anything, he realizes she means it, so he asks her if they should go to dinner. She agrees and off they go. They have a wonderful dinner and the man is really enamored with her. He asks her, as he lights up, "Do you want a cigarette?" She replies, "No... what would my sunday school kids think?" So he tosses it and decided to take her home. On their way back to her place he thinks to himself, Geez, she doesn't drink or smoke... I ain't gettin' any tonite! They begin to pass motels and he figures this will be the last time he sees her again, so he decides to joke some. "Wanna stop for a quick bang?" The woman replies, "Sure, I was hoping you'd ask!" They get a room and have incredible sex. Afterwards, the man asks the woman with a sly grin, "What are you gonna tell your sunday school kids?" As she is putting her lipstick back on and checking herself in the mirror, she replies, "I'll tell them what I always tell them. You don't have to drink or smoke to have a good time...."

Real FEAR!!!!

2005-10-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I take my GRE in four days and I am starting to fret... I need a very high score to make myself marketable to most of the graduate programs I want to be involved with. I have been out of college for three years and my career path led me FAR away from my major; now, I am expected to learn math from a decade ago, which I could barely recall then, and words that I would never use like "occiflossiparabular"... WTF!!!

Occiflossiparabular : renocorticaladjuntion

A) My ass : my head
B) My middle finger : your eye
C) My foot : your ass
D) My GRE score : cat's IQ

WONDERFUL!!! I feel like I am doomed. I took a practice test yesterday; my score was pathetically low! Below 1000... eek! I need to get between an 1100-1200 MINIMALLY!!!!
There is too much info to study for in such a short period of time... I have been studying for only about 2 1/2 months!!! I suppose I can take it again. Well, I am just venting out all of my frustration and fear... Kinda ironic that it is the season of fear!!! THIS kind of fear I can do without!!! Give me werewolves, vampires, or a dull proctologist anyday!!!! I better get cracking on cramming for this test. I just hope that I do well... all of my dreams and goals center around this stupid test that is supposed to equate to my intelligence, something that I don't believe can possibly be measured. WHEW!!!! Let me rock back and forth in the corner of my mind and just breathe!!!!!

Next time, invite me to the party!!!! (Hallow's Eve)

2005-10-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

Revenge will be mine
in ruby red wine,
the tongues of a two-headed snake,
and clumps of wolfsbane
mixed with the wine of my vein
completes the potion I make.
Though my fire is high,
it is covered by black sky
concealing the place of my dark art
and swirling cold mist
that Death has cold-kissed
as cloudy as my bitter heart.
I chant at my brew
as the mix bubbles and stew
awaiting the power
leached from this Witching Hour.
I scream to far away kin,
"You shall see HELL ONCE AGAIN!!!"
For the curses you place on me!"
I committed no sin
to revoke my invitation
to this eve's grand costume party.
I call beyond the grave
to the spirits I enslave
to aid me in my dark cause.
My enemies can't save
themselves from the wave
of black magics treacherous laws.
Throwing my head back and cackling,
as the fire keeps crackling
and the full moon dances in the sky...
My bubbling liquid of dread
is more than poison I spread
to those that will more than die.
The demonic spirits I plot
swirl just above the pot
waiting for their final cue.
Then comes the cry
as lightning splits the sky
and the spirits dive into my brew.
The mist curls back and flees
from the power I seize
and a cold breeze kills my flame.
Ripped from within
my soul leaks from my skin
and joins the spirits I tame.
Taking my pot from the coal
I accomplish the goal
of bottling my sweet potion.
The price that I paid,
my soul for the magic I made,
was served with no commotion.
Within, my soul doesn't hide
for I am now hollow inside
destined to live death.
My heart will no longer feel
for the life I will steal
or even the warmth of my own breath.
I look to the moon
that hangs overhead like noon
and know mine eyes are pure white.
Their color is lost
with the soul that I tossed
here on this Hallow's Eve night.
Time passes slow
and the festivities flow
in a castle on the sea vista moor.
The drunken costumed crowd
laugh and sing quite loud
and tell each other stories of spooky folk lore.
The glow of the torches
dim on the porches
and everyone gathers near the hearths glow.
They pack comfortably in
the Great Room with their kin
and settle on pillows of velvet, so fine.
The gregarious host
that is dressed like a ghost
calls to the servants for more wine.
A servant in black does appear
in the Great Room's far rear
with a large crystal decanter.
He distributes the goblets of glass
to the room full of the upper class
and pours the wine in the fire light.
The patrons sipped and hissed
as the servant poured and was dismissed.
The host raises his glass to Hallow's Eve night.
The guests stand up and drink
then sit and sink
back in their places with glee.
They can not believe
that the wine they recieve
could taste so beautifully.
They all start to laugh
and pass around the carafe
and the party begins to again soar.
Every one can not wait
for the wine to circulate
so that they may drink more.
Noise fills the room
as laughter's great boom
shakes the castles great beams.
Soon there was no more
for someone's wine dropped to the floor
and the laughter turned to horrible screams.
The red tonic on the ground
was blood to be found
streaming from everyone's ears.
For beneath all the costumes and hair
blood was found racing there
confirming everyone's fears.
The panic grew in fright
as the patrons skin grew so tight
that it hugged their bony forms.
The upper class writhed
as their skin grew more tight
like bloody helpless worms.
From all within
the room sounded with the ripping of skin
as skeletal beings moved.
Eyes fell from their places
melting off with peoples faces
as if flesh were the costumes removed.
Bloody bone, but alive
the patrons survive
and Death doesn't ease their pain.
They can't cry out or see,
just rot alive so quickly
yet, their lives won't ever drain.
Most laid down with open jaws,
their hands curled up like claws
and some jumped into the flaming hearth.
Others tried to put back their skin,
some felt where their skin had been,
but, all would forever walk the Earth.
Then from the rear
the same dark servant did appear
silently standing before the gruesome sight.
I pulled back my hood
and everyone understood
that I had exacted my vengence on this HALLOW'S EVE NIGHT!!!!!

I Married My Cat

2005-10-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

I am utterly disgusted by the way in which I am taken for granted. This bitch thinks she owns me. She hogs my blankets, won't leave me alone in the bathroom, is always bitchin' when I am in the kitchen, and practically sits right on me, pinning me down, when I watch television. Even ass I sit here and write in my trusty blog, I have a big fat furry ass touching my elbow... I can't even take a shit without the inevitable clicking of Ms. Vanna down the hall and a two shiny green eyes peering around the corner of the bathroom door. Damn cat ain't got no chin.... Cat is so stuck up my ass, it makes JEN look antisocial..... GEEZ!!!! Then again, she is old school puss....
I love her to death. I can take her in the shower. Drive her around in my truck. Hell, I can even dress her up in fucked up costumes like a too-too and babushka! She doesn't care as long as I lay down the milk and let her plop her fuzzy ass in my face when I lounge out and watch the tube. Bitch purrs like a chainsaw and drools..... Nothin' like a wet and wild cuddle-puss.... OH FUCK IT!!!! "FIGURE 8s!!!!!!!!! SIT LIKE A PEOPLES!!!!!!! " All I need is a pawsized ring.

House Arrest

2005-10-19T23:13:00.000-07:00

Look everyone, I'M A GOLDFISH!!!! I'M A GOLDFISH!!!! SEE ME STARING AT YOU WITH BIG UNBLINKING EYES... I'LL SWIM THIS WAY IN THE HOUSE AND THAT WAY IN THE HOUSE!!!! I'M A GOLDFISH!!!!!

Nightmare revisited... ugh!!!

2005-10-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

Everyone has had recurring dreams, but have any of you had a recurring nightmare??? I keep getting the same one; I have had this dream ever since I was 4 years old . It always starts the same. There I am on a sunny afternoon in my childhood neighborhood of Fairmont Park, 15 miles southeast of Houston, TX and one mile from the Gulf of Mexico. I am following an older friend to his house for some reason. The reason and the friend have always changed throughout the years, but the friend is always and older friend who I don't completely trust. My dreams are always more vivid than reality. I can smell the humidity in the air and feel it in the southern breeze. I can hear the locusts broadcasting vibrations of sound that seem to shimmy in odd pulsations towards and away and then closer to me. The intense change in the temperature of the shirt upon my back as I walk in the radiant Texas sunlight and then the chilling dark shade of the pine trees planted within the median of Farrington Avenue, the street that separates Fairmont Park in half by running from Spencer Highway to Fairmont Parkway. I rarely used to walk amongst the tall pines within the median of Farrington, but on this particular day I do. As I follow my friend, I am looking at the large pine cones in the pine needle laden grass, smelling the pine scent fill my lungs, and brushing flakes of pine bark off the trees and smelling my hand as I pass them. I am heading towards Mr. Mercury, the local general store, and can see Rizzuto Elementary to the right just before the back of the plaza where the store is. I come to a curb marking the end of the particular median I am in. I cross the cement connector between the opposing lanes of Farrington and look both ways; ironically, I end up looking up Old Orchard, a street four blocks south of the street I live on. My friend ahead of me begins to walk diagonally to the corner of Old Orchard and Farrington. He is standing on a steel manhole that is rust colored. It has to be the eighties. He has thigh high red shorts with two white vertical stripes running down the sides of them. His shirt is a red soccer shirt with a faded Mr. Bill decal. His white socks are pulled up almost to his knees where two red bands run parallel around his leg. He has black hair that is spiky up top, very short like a crew cut over the rest of his head with mid-shoulder length back... great, the punked out mullet that all the "cool" guys had when I was a kid, I should known it was a nightmare! His skin was pale and his eyes were green. He had very thick eye brows and a lopsided smile with tiny black hairs above his upper lip; he had to be about 13 or 14. I have the feeling his name is Rick. I don't know why. I am about 10 in this dream. I am a toe-head blonde with a short boxy spike, tan skin, and am rather lanky and thin. I am wearing dark blue corduroy OP shorts that are thigh high, a grey, sky blue, and navy blue half top, and I am bare footed; I usually ran around barefooted in those days... heck, I still do for the most part! I am standing in the middle of the lane of Farrington Ave. looking apprehensively at my friend. I decide to walk with him up the south side sidewalk of Old Orchard. Its funny, but I could actually see in real detail the multitude of varying ranchers that lined our wide streets of Fairmont Park. Occasionally, a house deviated from that recipe with a large two story or Georgian brickfront home similar to our next door neighbors, The McKeys. Walking side by side and talking about secrets we have on other local children, we make a right up the driveway of a house. It is his house. It is one of the Georgian brick homes; it has the light tan bricks with white mortar and white wooden trim, white pillars on the concrete front porch, and an always open vacant garage. Being Southern, we enter through the garage door. We are in a kitchen that smells cool and of eucalyptus. The counter and sink is on the left side of the kitchen where I can see the glowing greenness of the thick bladed Texas crab grass in his long, thin backyard that is lined with some type of bushes; flowers are shooting up from round rocks surrounding a round picnic table in the center of the yard. My friend, Rick, I suppose, is in the fridge and I can't see him because of the open door. I can hear him gulping down something curious in large chugs. "Jamie, do you want somethin' to drink? We got KoolAid, tea, milk, rootbeer, Coke, Mr. Pibb....."
I always opt for Mr. Pibb, it always was and always will be my favorite soda. He hands me the 2 liter bottle. I chug from it until the carbonation burns my throat and I burp burning my nose as I exhale out of it. A boy always drinks from the fridge... no dirty dishes to deal with. I put the cap back on and hand it back. "Wanna go see my room?" Rick says. I follow him out of the kitchen, through the living room to a hallway; we go left and pass two or three doors and make another left to another hallway. His room is the second door on the right. I have seen these types homes in Texas. They have a small atrium in the center of the house that is usually where the family hangs out... in the center of a backwards "J" set parallel to the street. I have only been in one before. They are larger than average homes for the area I live in and of a newer style; it is odd that this type of house would be in the classic section of Fairmont Park. The smell of th ehouse changed as we made our way from the eucalyptus smelling kitchen and living room. Now, the house smelled warm and of male musk and dirty socks, typical of a boy's room. We tend to hide our dirty clothes. We enter his room and I immediately am enthralled in looking inside a huge aquarium for whatever is inside of it. In this dream, it is a pair of pythons. Now, the dream gets weird. I look outside the window and it is night. I have the feeling of vertigo and the room is spinning, yet I lean against the aquarium still standing. When the room stops moving, I somehow know the layout of the house has changed from what it once was and I am confused. My friend is on his knees before his closet with his back to me. I walk over to him and grab his shoulder and he starts to shake and rumble. I jump back and realize that the only light on is a nightlite. I reach out and flick the light switch. He is still shaking and making horrible gurgle and growl noises. His legs seem more muscular and hairier. "Rick (or whatever his name is), are you okay?" I ask. He turns around and his eyes are orange with red outlining a slightly elliptical pupil. His lips are paler and drawn in a wicked grimace with fangs protruding from beyond them dripping saliva tinted with blood. Now he is standing before me and I am paralyzed with fear. I can do nothing but watch him. He is getting hairier by the moment and thicker in mass. He reaches up with clawed hands and rips off his shirt and shorts. His chest is rippled with muscles that are becoming quickly covered with coarse clack hair. His cock is hanging low and rising becoming quite large and hard as it attaches to his stomach like that of a dogs. His balls darken into a black pouch the size of a base ball. His legs kink as they grow more muscular and thrust him forward on all fours. His gnarled long fingers adorned with sharp blade-like talons land only a foot from my bare feet. His back is rippling and making a cracking sound. His ass cheeks are pulsating and a thick "V" is forming at his tailbone; he is growing a tail. His socks with the red stripes rip from his legs exposing muscular calves. His Converse Allstars are shredded with long talons sticking out of their fronts. I look back up his body towards his head and can see that his neck has thickened with muscle and sinew. His entire body is covered in coarse looking hair that I can barely see his white skin through. "Rick!?" I yell. Momentarily, I think maybe he is still my friend and just trying to show me something neat. Then, he looks up and my hearts start beating fast and furious. His eyes are now red with a bright insane orange ring around them and he has pointy ears. The teeth in his half-muzzle are wet with saliva and I can smell his stinking breath. He lets out a deep and very excited roar that seems to rumble from within his body shaking the room and blasting my face and neck with a steamy heat... I find my feet and haul ass out of that room, turning and shutting the door. The house is dark with the exception of the eerie cheery nightlites. I hear him growling and things breaking as the fall of his dresser and shelves. Then, I hear a deep and demonic guttural chuckle that chills me to the bone almost exhausting my senses. I run down the hall the way that I thought I came in and smack into a thick glass window. Beyond it, I can see the dark yard with the high wooden fence. A large Texas moon illuminates the outside casting dark shadows and blue light on the concrete patio. Scratching and splintering of wood from behind me causes my heart to skip a beat and I dive inside the nearest doorway and kick it shut. It is completely black. My back is up against a cold metal object. I know it is a dryer. There is the terrycloth to my right. I am shaking uncontrollably, but am able to roll forward to my knees and line the bottom of the doorway with it. I then stand on shaky legs and search the wall for a switch. No switch. I turn around and walk forward. I get whacked in the head by a shelf. Rubbing my forehead, the sharp pain dulls into an ache and I feel something on my right ear... a thick string. I reach it and yank it hard. It gives a little and I hear a slight thud from above. I put my hands forward and walk until I feel the cold surface of the wall beyond the washer and dryer below the shelf in front of me. I find the switch and flick it. I am standing amongst a multitude of various colored wash, white walls, white vinyl floor, white washer and dryer... I hear a crashing and a thundering sound coming down the hall. More splintering wood and the echoes of a furious breathing beast. The deep sound chills me to action. It sounds as if the beast is searching the rooms of the hallway one by one,, devastating them in an effort to execute his search quickly. I have seconds to do something. There are no windows in this room I occupy. I pull the string and a trapdoor comes down from overhead. I pray that it isn't loud and squeaky like the attic door at my house. There isn't a ladder to unfold. I spy a aluminum step ladder next to some cleaning mops and a bucket in the corner. I grab it. I hear the door to the door next to the laundry room smash. I pause and can hear the beast slamming and banging the closet doors and ripping through the mattress of that room. I think I can even hear the ripping of the carpet under the beast's muscled weight and sharp toe claws. I open the ladder and it squeaks. The noise next door stops immediately. I know he is coming for me. I hear him heading out of room in a mad dash. I reach behind me and turn the lock. He bangs into the locked door almost completely breaking it. His roars of anger are echoing in my ears. I step up the ladder and launch myself into the attic. I skin my knee on the framing to the trap entrance. The smell of heat and fiberglass are all I am aware of in the darkness. I turn and feel the dirt and dust on my skinned knee as I reach down and try to pinch the knot of the string-pull. I manage to pinch it and pull hard enough to pull the string through. I yank the trap door shut just as the beast breaks through the door. Inches below me, I hear him growling and panting angrily as his razor sharp claws scratch the wooden trap door. I stand up and feel around for a bulb. I find it and I turn the bulb. LIGHT! I see the angled walls of an attic dormer with the puffy pink clouds of insulation. Around me are boxes of all sizes. Only a portion of the attic has plywood down on the floor, so I am limited to where I can step; I must step on the plywood or on the rafters. I can hear glass breaking and vibrations below me as if the beast below if breaking down walls. I must think. If I hide in the boxes, I am a sitting duck. I turn around and start walking across the rafters in a slow, but steady pace so I don't give the beast an idea of where I am above him. As I walk toward the end of the segment of attic, I realize that my shadow is casted in front of me and I can't see exactly where I am walking, plus I am far enough away from the light bulb that the light is very low. I continue on feeling beeds of sweat and the stench of fear rise from me. I reach the end of the portion of attic I entered through the trap door. Now, I must turn right. As I reach up and hold on to the upper rafters with my hands, I begin to turn the corner into an unlit portion of the attic. Behind me I hear scratching and clawing, ripping and tearing, and the excited and furious roar of the beast I came here with so willingly. He is ripping through the ceiling. I turn and look back to see boxes flying and slashed items rolling to and fro. I step into the shadowy darkness and continue walking the rafters more quickly. I see the beasts head emerge above the attic floor as I walk out of sight. I am now in the darkness striding across rafters. I hear the beast ripping apart the multitude of boxes. He thinks I am in one. I walk faster, feeling sweat drip from my brow. I am now at the end of the second section and must make another right. I can tell by the eaves of the roof that my hands are guiding me with. I do so and try to maintain a rhythm. I itch and I am shaking. Tears are falling from my eyes. My heart is pounding so hard that my chest hurts. The beats is right around the corner ripping apart boxes like they are me. I don't even want to think about what he would do to me when the rewarding rip and wet heat my body would give the beast compares to cardboard. I have made it about 10 feet into the third section of attic and realize that I don't know where I am going. I was just leaving where I was. I have no where to go. I shake harder and fear causes me to begin to heave and whimper as I continue. The sweat is running down my face, body and legs. It is soaking into the warm wood of the attic and I know the beast can smell me. My right knee gives as I try to put weight on it and it slides from the thin rafter. The weight of trying to catch my fall pushes my foot through the ceiling of the house and I am up to my thigh in home. The growling stops. The ripping stops. He has heard me. I hear scratching on wood and the deep guttural grunting of exhausted beast breathing. I feel the thud of the beast's pursuit. He is coming at a faster pace than I am going. He will be at me in a short moment. I try to go faster. I can't see and my sweaty hands are sliding in the eaves of the attic as I try to escape. Now, I can smell the beast's breath. I know it can see me because of the change in the way it grunts. It now sounds more menacing and less desperate. It sounds determined and mean. Between the grunts, I hear the liquidic sound of it lapping and swallowing its own drool at the anticipation of reaching me. I go faster across the rafters and he follows faster. I can now feel the vibrations like they are next to me. I can smell the wet fur. I sense the mass of its enormous body. I feel the heat of its breathing. I know it is reaching out to my young flesh. I feel a claw touch down on my shoulder and sting as it scratches me. I jump forward and land between rafters. Down I fall through the ceiling and into the living room of the house. I land on my back and the wind is knocked out of me, but I scramble immediately off the broken table and to my feet. I hyperventilate as I run from the living room and bare left through the kitchen. I hear and feel the thud of the beast as I go. I feel the carpet give way to the vinyl floor. I can feel the beast looking at my back as it races towards me. I turn to look back and slip. I fall and skin my other knee on the vinyl. The beast is practically at me, so I hurriedly open the refridgerator door to block it from me. I have only seconds left. I see its clawed feet below the fridge door and kick hard, knocking it from its feet. I am on my feet and running before the beast hits the floor. I make it to the garage door and exit left out of it. I do not know if it is going to chase me into the night. I just run like the wind across the smooth concrete of the garage. As I feel the cool smoothness give way to the warm coarseness of the drive way and finally the stinging sharpness of the street, I hear a bellowing howl. As I run, lights go on in houses I pass. The howl is a single continued ringing in my ear as I run home in the Texas night under a huge full Texas moon!
I LOVE but also really HATE that dream... and it is a true dream that I actually have. Sometimes, the house is different, the friend is different, the way I escape is different, but I am always being pursued by some fiendish werewolf that is just amazingly real; my imagination puts Hollywood magic to shame BIGTIME... I wake up shaking with the cold sweats and a bursting bladder everytime I have this dream. Sometimes, I cry... and sometimes, I am scared to get out of bed... most of the time, I am left feeling all twisted like I have been on another planet. But, if you could see the moon in these dreams!!! That is beautiful! I still have all of my secondary and tertiary thoughts in these dreams. For example, as I am walking under the pines, I wonder why the hell I am doing this? or I will acknowledge the fact that I don't live in TX anymore... or the fact that I am now 30 years old. I guess once I give in to the dream, it takes me over... I am 10 again. VIVIDLY TEN!!! Happy Halloween!!! :)

Kickin' Thai Roll Recipe

2005-10-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

1 thin sliced sirloin steak
red chili puree
ginger puree
lemon grass puree
basil puree
cilantro puree
garlic
garlic powder
alafalfa sprouts
mint leaves
fresh cilantro
seedless cucmber
chinese barbecue sauce (hoison barbecue sauce)
orange marmalade
soy sauce
duck sauce
dental floss or dental tape

Beat the sirloin steak even flatter with a mallet or the binding of a thick book coated in saran wrap; mix together marmalade and chinese barbecue sauce, and coat one side of sirloin. Flip sirloin over and rub the chili, ginger, lemon grass, basil and cilantro purees into the other side of the meat. At one end of a rectangularly placed flat and thin sirloin, place a tightly twisted bundle of sprouts that is approximately as wide as the meat is. Then, lay the mint leaves and fresh cilantro on top of the sprouts. Next, peel and thinly slice the seedless cucumber into slices as long as the sprout twist and place on the sprout twist. Tightly roll the sprouts and other filling in the meat like you would a large maki roll. (like a jelly roll). Create a slip knot with the dental tape and slip it over one end of the meat cylinder and pull it tight, wrap the dental tape around the meat maintaining a tight wrap around the filling. Go down one side and back up. It is recommended to bing the meat tight enough to cause the dental tape to disappear in the meat's creases. Then tie it off at the end you began at. Cook on a grill or under a broiler for 3-5 minutes on each side or until meat is cooked to desired temperature. Mix together duck sauce, soy sauce, garlic, and red chili into a condiment and brush over the roll, reserve some for dipping. Finally, when done cooking remove meat from heat, let cool for one minute. Remove dental tape. With a very sharp serrated knife, cut meat cylinder into bite size circular slices that can be picked up with fingers or chop sticks. Dip slices in sauce and enjoy! Goes great with green tea and noodles fried in oil with lime juice, cilanto, sugar, and a tablespoon of peanut butter.